Amara
"What th-" I stopped talking when I spotted Dominic sitting on the sofa with is head tilted back and smoke blowing from his mouth and nose.
"Dominic what are you doing?"
"I'm smoking," he replied, "What does it look like?"
"I didn't know you smoked." I said much quieter.
"Amara its just marijuana."
"Right," I laughed sarcastically, "Its only cannabis."
I sat down on a different seat watching him with his eyes closed.
"Something on your mind?" he spoke.
"Something is on yours."
"That so?"
I watched quietly.
"Amara why did you say we're the same?" he sat upright and looked at me, "You and I both know for a fact we are not." he was being stern with me.
"How." It wasn't a question, I wondered to myself how it was he thought we were any different. Just like him I went to an institution, just like him I was injected with chemicals and I was worth almost as much as he was. Because they didn't succeed in removing my emotions we were different? I didn't think so.
"I am nothing like you." he looked like a statue, nothing but his mouth moved not even his gaze wavered as he stared me down, daring me to say otherwise. His voice was harsh, hardly attempting at being gentle.
"How do you know that."
"It is fact Amara, you have not been through half of what I have."
"That is not true!" I stood. How could he?
"See?" he looked up at me, "You let your emotions get the better of you."
"I may allow my emotions control over my logical mind sometimes Dominic," I breathed, "But at least I-I-"
"You what?" he sat back, daring me to say more.
I looked at him. He looked very different when he was being himself, logical and calculative. With no attempt at saving face.
Oh no. I wasn't. No. I was. I was crying. Why was I crying?
Sometimes I didn't understand the extent of my own emotion, I cried but I didn't know why I cried. Was I upset because he was being mean to me? Was I crying because he'd been the only person to challenge my experiences? Maybe I was crying because I hadn't believed he wouldn't care enough to treat me without at least pretending like he cared, that he would actually be void of emotion whilst talking to me. Maybe I thought I was as special as his mother and his sister, people he spent years saving face for.
No. I never thought that.
I cried. Because I loved him. I could never change that.
No matter what he did. I'd still love Dominic.
I closed my eyes, I didn't want to watch him watching me. Watching me being weak, watching me break. I cared too much, of what he thought of me.
I was this great agent. This amazing assassin.
He wanted me. That me, not this me. That me, to be his wife.
And I knew there was nothing in the world that I could do, to make him happy. Make him feel anything. That hurts me. But I know its not his fault.
I kept my eyes closed as I turned and walked out.
Dominic
She was crying?
Did I insult her? Inflict pain on her? I hadn't laid a single finger on her! But then again she could be feeling emotional pain. I internally rolled my eyes at my own stupidity, of course she was emotional. She didn't understand at all why I would act in such a way, I had to fix it.
I spent fifteen minutes looking all over the house for her, I asked everyone - even Leo who had been sleeping. I blew out a breath as I walked outside, she wasn't in the garden or near the pool. Maybe she was out front. I turned to go back inside but spotted her just above sitting on the roof, she was sitting in the fatal position with her nose buried between her knees and her knit jumper covering the thin fabric of her yoga pants.
I use the vertical garden to climb to the roof, once I sat next to her I kept quiet. I watched her as she watched the stars. She seemed to like watching the sky.
"I'm sorry."
She continued to ignore me.
"Its pathetic, I realise that."
"You're making a wonderful effort." she said quietly, "I appreciate it."
I watched this amazing woman, I wondered what processes went through her mind. I wondered if she ran on emotion alone, I wondered what that would feel like. I cocked my head to the side to get a different angle on her face, she rarely wore a serious expression like this one. I hadn't seen a look like this since the day she was assigned my project back at Evenstone Inc.
I smiled to myself. A habit I managed to develop a couple years back. Whenever I remembered a memory that proved great significance towards my relationship with someone, I would smile. That is what most humans tend to do when they remember something that matters.
I was so stuck into my own thoughts I didn't realise Amara was crying again. I studied her face, people weren't supposed to look this pretty when they cried.
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm sad."
"Because of me?"
"No," she smiled sadly, turning to look at me, "Not because of you, I'm sad for you."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry." she said looking back at the stars, she could also just be trying to keep the tears back, "For being such a brat. I'm so awful sometimes. I ruined all the fun we were having."
Amara
"No you didn't." he stared at the ground, most likely trying to analyse my reason for weeping like a widow. I've decided not to let him know that I was aware of his pretending, I want to savour it. I realise now that pretending like that all the time, can get tiring. So I should make the most of it so that when it's gone, I can be as positive as possible for Dominic.
I was spending the rest of my life with him, I would make it work.
"Okay good." I grinned. He wiped my tears away, I watched.
"Perfetto." he purred.
"Dominic."
"Yes."
"Have you ever had someone that you do a lot for, but they have never either know or shown gratitude for what you do for them?" I looked at his side profile.
"Sì."
"I want someone like that one day." I informed.
"I'm sure you'll have that person too."
"Are you grateful for your person?"
"I always have," he looked at me and didn't even bother smiling, "I always will."
I smiled.
Whoever that person was, they were very lucky to have Dominic looking out for them.
---
Claire and I sat in the kitchen, the boys had left for a meeting and Donna was finally hosting that party she had been preparing for in the other living room. We sat eating our pancakes and guarding the guests' food. Which was more of Claire swatting my hands away from the macarons.
"Claire," I was growing increasingly curious and just had to get it off my chest, "May I ask you if its not too much trouble..."
"Go ahead." she smiled taking a sip of her morning vodka. The sister was an alcoholic and the brother was a pothead. Go figure.
"I asked Dominic a question last night. But I didn't want to prod and ask for more details. You can give them to me right?"
"Depends." she eyed me up and down.
"I want to.. lets say - give back," I made sure she was following, "So I need to know what it is - listen to this clue - what it is Dominic does for someone else often that they are not aware of, that he gets no gratitude for and what is their name?"
Claire sighed putting down her glass, "You are just juicing me out this week Amara." she exclaimed.
"So you know." I smiled cheekily.
"Of course I know!"
"Tell me tell me tell me." I bounced.
"Its you."
"Sorry?" I was taken aback. I hadn't known Dominic long enough for that to be happening without my being aware of it.
"Let me finish will ya." she frowned.
"Yes ma'am." I had to listen to my informant.
"Amara you were raised in the German institution right?" she paused for effect, "But surely you remember before that you were still pretty - how do I say... sick?"
"Oh." I did remember, I was told to start taking medication at a very young age because I wasn't completely mentally stable, but the results from my full body diagnosis had confirmed I was a perfect match for the all the experiments they wanted to run. "Go on."
"I mentioned before how Dominic has blood taken out every month?"
"You did." I confirmed, remembering how on edge she'd been when I wanted to know more.
"Well, when Dominic was younger a bunch of experts contacted us through the institution. They claimed that they had been searching for something to balance out the chemical imbalance that was in your body - the cause of your instability. And they found it." she looked at me sternly, "The chemical they needed to balance you out was found in Dominic's DNA."
My eyes went wide. Oh no.
"So ever since Dominic was little - the little saint he was - agreed, said he would have no problem giving his blood every month to the doctors so that they could make medicine for you. Its not like he's running out of blood or anything. So every month he gets blood taken out, they use that blood to make your medicine and you drink your pills like a good little girl."
"I.."
"And do you know whats funny?" Claire was amused, "We actually had no idea Dominic was helping out Schwarzer Regen herself, we were told it was just a future agent that was essential to future projects. Dominic hates letting people down, especially if he's their last hope."
"Wow. I.."
"And then you actually met him and he was all kinds of surprised. All round, I think he's glad he helped you out. He kinda fancies you." she chuckled.
"Claire." I could here the panic in my own voice.
"Whoa are you okay?" she shuffled closer to me and held my hands.
"I've been drinking blood for years."
"Oh don't be stupid. We all basically drink blood when we eat beef." she paused, "I think." she frowned. I giggled.
"Do you know what this means?" I looked her in the eye.
"What?"
"I have to show him how grateful I am!" I stood, "Without Dominic I wouldn't be alive!"
"Okay calm down." she chuckled, "Sit down and we'll think of something."