Lose Myself

By idahwrites

2.2M 63.6K 7.8K

WAS #2 in Romance. -- He's got a secret, she's got a secret. But is it the same secret? Amara A... More

Author's Note
Chapter One: A Change
Chapter Two: The Encounter
Chapter Three: The Project
Chapter Four: A Dark Past
Chapter Five: Schwarzer Regen
Chapter Six: Family Day
Chapter Seven: Discovery
Chapter Eight: Flashback (Emilie)
Chapter Nine: Return Home
Chapter Ten: Undercover
Chapter Eleven: Admission
Chapter Twelve: Flashback (Amara)
Chapter Thirteen: Take Care of Me
Chapter Fourteen: The Next Chapter
Chapter Fifteen: Friends
Chapter Sixteen Part One: Understanding
Chapter Sixteen Part Two: Bonding
Chapter Seventeen Part One: Spa Day
Chapter Seventeen Part Two: Family Night
Chapter Eighteen: Sunday Brunch
Chapter Nineteen: Love Me Right
Chapter Twenty: First Day
Chapter Twenty-One: Trouble
Chapter Twenty-Two: Teamwork
Chapter Twenty-Three: Interrogation
Chapter Twenty-Four Part Two: Angel in White
Chapter Twenty-Five: Stranger From the Past
Chapter Twenty-Six: My Fault
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Thank You
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Adventure with Me
Chapter Twenty-Nine Part One: Merry Merry Christmas
Chapter Twenty-Nine Part Two: Suspicion
Chapter Thirty: Extermination
Chapter Thirty-One: Closure
Chapter Thirty-Two: Happy New Year!
Chapter Thirty-Three: Informant
Chapter Thirty-Four: Distant
Chapter Thirty-Five: Brink
Chapter Thirty-Six: Bad Decisions
Thirty-Seven: Old Friend
Chapter Thirty-Eight: I'm Sorry
Chapter Thirty-Nine: I Love You
Chapter Forty: You Saved Me
Chapter Forty-One: Independence Day
Chapter Forty-Two: Sitter
Chapter Forty-Three: Back To The Future
Chapter Forty-Four: Nakey In The Lakey
Chapter Forty-Five: Take Me Away With You
Chapter Forty-Six: The Devil's Insurgence
Chapter Forty-Seven: Secret Home
Chapter Forty-Eight: Game Plan
Chapter Forty-Nine: Rogue
Chapter Fifty: Bump!
Chapter Fifty-One: Problems From the Past
Chapter Fifty-Two: Tough Love
Chapter Fifty-Three: Waddle
Chapter Fifty-Four: Friction
Chapter Fifty-Five: Hello Baby!
Chapter Fifty-Six: Family Matters
Chapter Fifty-Seven: This Is Us
Important Notice
Chapter Fifty-Eight: Massacre
Chapter Fifty-Nine: Me and You
Chapter Sixty: Squad
Interview: Dominic + Amara
Very Important Notice

Chapter Twenty-Four Part One: Dark Knight

28.4K 919 50
By idahwrites

#storytime 

short chapter, sorry xx

Amara

"This may take a while so I made chocoalte latte caldo." Claire announced her return, she'd left me outside watching Dominic and Leo who now sat on the roof. They both looked pretty sad, they were talking about something important I'm sure. I knew they were aware of my presence but I wasn't bothering them so there was no reason to leave.

"Thank you." I smiled at Claire as she sat next to me.

"I'm not going to lie, I have a huge lady boner for Leo and so his problems affect me too. Just like Dominic's problems affect me." she started, "I'll tell you why, promise me you won't act different after this?"

"Of course," I assured her, "I'm a woman of my word."

"Thank you." Claire smiled before looking into the water of the new fountain they put up today, she sipped her hot chocolate and began her story. I made sure not to speak during any of it.

"Dominic and Leo both left for the italian institution at the age of 12, Dominic gave us presents; me his dog tags, a stuffed unicorn and earrings. A bracelet, necklace and a doll for Abrielle. Leo hand-made cards for both of us, he also made amazing cupcakes that were super customised." she chuckled, "Aside from that, it was a sad day. But Dominic told me not to be scared because he was coming back, he always comes back." 

"They left, it was fun for while. We went into their rooms and played with all the 'boy toys' that our dad's told us not to play with. We stole all of their sh-t," she laughed, "They never noticed because when they got back, toys didn't matter to them anymore." Sadness passed over her face.

"We visited a couple of times, Leo looked a mess and Dominic just looked different. They were both clean - don't get me wrong - but there was definitely something dirty about the way they were. We let it pass, left them presents, sat at their cells and sang them songs," she went quieter, "It was almost like they couldn't hear us."

"When they got back, they definitely weren't the same. I got angry. They hadn't kept their promise about having fun with us when they got back and catching up with old friends. They were so different. I couldn't have been more selfish and demanding than I was in that period of time. Those people at that place had convinced Dominic that I didn't exist but they gave him back his memories before he came home but he disregarded me like an unwanted puppy. I begged for my brother's attention, I wanted him to meet my friends and go on vacation with me. If Dominic was with me, my dad promised I wouldn't have to bring any guards. As a high school student I'd been waiting forever for him to come home so I could go somewhere without guards."

"The first week was disappointing, the second week men from the place came back. Dominic and Leo wouldn't talk to them so we had to. They said their scores were remarkable and that Dominic had broken all the records and was highest ranking in the world. I was so proud, Amara. But I didn't know what for." she smiled sadly, "I was practically bouncing when I went to tell the good news, Dominic was not so happy. He called me an ignorant, spoilt brat. I'd never forget that."

"I realised this wasn't the brother I knew, he wasn't the person he was. I was terribly upset, my mother too. All round the entire household was under deep remorse, as if they'd passed away and we wouldn't get them back."

"But then Dominic came up with this brilliant idea, this amazing plan which at the time nobody but Leo was aware of. He decided he could pretend to have emotions so that nobody would be sad anymore, him and Leo both. You can probably guess where I'm going with this," she avoided eye contact, "This emotional thing they have going on, it affects Leo's health. The men in our familia have been to the institution, but you must surpass certain tests to be able to have your emotions erased. It depends on how much you benefit or don't benefit from having emotions."

"Emotions run Dominic, he runs on them. Without emotions he's empty, heartless and ruthless - which is just what they want. So he got them erased. Leo on the other hand, without emotion would be completely useless, he wouldn't see reason to live or reason for anything and as a result be dangerously unmotivated. He'd have committed suicide, he can't fight whilst he's dead. And so decisions were made based on those things"

"Once an agent is deemed strong enough, they're emotions are tested to determine their punishment. Dominic's punishment was simple, he'd have no emotions. He wouldn't be able to love anyone, feel anything for anyone and he definitely could not be happy. Oh no, thats bad. He would be emotionless for the rest of his artificially extended life, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about that."

"Leo would suffer. The more emotion he felt, the more ill he would become. Happier, sicker. Sadder, sicker. There's no in between. So really you can't help him, no matter what you try it can't be cured. The ultimate price will be the day Leo feels such emotion that it completely kills him. Sends poison right to his heart."

"How?" I spoke up for the first time, "How can these people control them so easily?"

"Haven't you seen?" she frowned, "Oh. Well they have microchips in their necks, these chips have been programmed to react depending on the chemical balance without their bodies. Chemicals they've injected inside the body will change their formula based on what their feeling and to what extent their feeling it."

"It may seem as if Leo has it worse, but he doesn't. Dominic has it much worse. If Dominic were to feel a shred of emotion, even the tiniest bit... he would die. The chip makes sure. He cost a lot of money - Dominic - 17 billion dollars of our government's money went into making that man what he is. They can't have him going around developing emotions that could lower him to the level of us mere mortals." she laughed sadly, "He can't be mortal. They won't allow it. No emotion. No love. You see?"

"I see. Thats why he can't love me?"

"Yes." she avoided eye contact, "Thats why he can't love you."



----------

We still sat here, Claire was being awfully kind having been so patient. We'd simply sat and thought, thinking separately but surely about the same thing. Thought at some point I thought about food. 

I had to know some things, just because I wanted to get this out of the way. I didn't want to constantly feel this confused, this... disappointed. I want to deal with these feelings now and never again.

"Can I ask you some things?"

"Of course." she smiled.

"Please," I paused, "Be thorough."

"Yeah," she looked worried, "Go ahead."

"Is all of this fake?"

"No," she smiled sadly, "I believe that Dominic and Leo do these things because they care about us, if they didn't care then they wouldn't do it. Simple. Going to all this effort, for years - just pretending for their own amusement? I call bullsh-t. It would've gotten boring if that was the case."

"Okay." I thought about this, everything seemed real. Sure it was pretend, but it was lying with good intentions. 

"He does have an awful lot of bad habits."

"Like what?" I asked, "I do already know a few."

"Banter." her nose twitched, "Dominic is such a charmer, it makes me sick. He gives compliments, tell jokes and brings up normal conversationalist things that make him seem perfectly fine and perfectly happy. But it makes me so angry when people act like he is, don't get me wrong. People shouldn't treat them different, but those people don't know any better. I like any party like the next girl but I cannot sit by and watch my brother constantly sweep women off their feet and make best friends with men of high calibre. He's being just like the people he so heavily despised. And I bet you a million bucks he still dislikes those types of people, but he doesn't know how else to act around these people and so he does what he saw as a child. Filth. That's what it is."

"Looks to me like its not a bad habit," I chuckled, "A necessity maybe?"

She scoffed, "Maybe."

"Hardly a bad habit."

"Oh yeah," she sang, "What bad habits have you noticed?"

"He's always holding his nose like he's bleeding."

"Oh yeah," she chuckled, "He has blood taken out every month, for some reason his nose always bleeds."

"Oh," I had no idea, "What for?"

Claire momentarily panicked, "Uh, nothing. I don't even know if I'm being honest."

I eyed her.

She let out a yawn, "You know what? I'm tired. Let's turn in."

"Oh, okay."


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