HI we're live from Disneyland Paris
Lol sorry ok hi! I found a moment to upload this chapter yay! And I hope you'll enjoy it! Thank you for all the votes, it makes me so happy! ♥️ I'd love to hear what you think of this one and thank you for all the love on the last one, your comments made me so happy!
Can't wait to see your reactions on this one & I'll see you soon for the next one! Much love! ♥️
Word count: 3957
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Having heard what Lucas said, listening to what Steve said, then thinking of how Michael had been trying to get through to him for days now, made Tyler see things a bit differently. He still wasn't sure what to do, as he was still pretty much convinced that he would get nowhere without William, but he wasn't angry and he didn't hate them for trying to get through to him.
He appreciated it more, actually. He was cuddled up to Steve on the beach, listening to him speak, being held and feeling genuinely loved. He hadn't felt that from William, which made him realize how much he'd craved and missed that. He wanted to be with someone who made him feel loved. He wasn't sure yet if staying with William was worth it if it meant that Tyler could continue his success.
"C'mon, let's go", Steve said after a while. "Where are we going?" Tyler asked. "To Florida", Steve replied. "...now? Already? But it's the middle of the night", Tyler said. "When you were showering I got us two one-way tickets and that plane is leaving in just a few hours so yeah, we're going there already", he said. He hugged Tyler tightly, pressing a kiss on his temple.
"We're in the studio. What you need right now is to not be around William, to not be working on the music you've been working on so far, and to not be around any guys trying to get their hands on you or drugs that your 'boyfriend' wants you to take. No crew for a while, no touring schedule, no studio deadlines. Just... a break. A moment to breathe, to be with us, with friends, and to just... write like you used to. Maybe together with us, if you get stuck and need to get your inspiration back. Or you won't write at all and you'll just watch us work and hear our new music, that's cool too. I just need you to be with us for a while and not be with him", Steve said.
"Okay", Tyler said. It was all he could say. He didn't know if it was what he'd choose himself, or if it was the best thing for him, but he didn't feel like speaking against Steve. He trusted him unlike anyone else. Him and Lucas. And if he wanted to bring Tyler to Florida with him for a week, he was gonna go along with it.
As they got up, Tyler snapped a picture of the location and the ocean. It was where he met Lucas; it's where his life started taking a turn for the better. He would always love and cherish that exact spot.
He grabbed Steve's hand and they started to walk back, their suitcases in their other hands. Steve arranged a cab and they waited as they sat down on a half wall between the beach and the sidewalk.
"Why did you... let these guys touch you like that?" Steve asked. "I mean... If that's what you want, if that's what you enjoy, then that's your choice and I won't judge you but... I just... don't feel like that's you", he said.
Tyler shrugged softly. "I... you're right", he said. "It's not like me, it's really unlike me... When you said I was loyal... that's one of the only positive things I've been able to confirm about myself. I am loyal. I know that. And I know what you and Lucas and me did in the past", he blushed slightly. "But I am monogamous. I've had one night stands before but hardly ever, and they never made me happy, and it always felt off... I know I wanna be with someone who's just as monogamous and loyal", Tyler said. "But... you were right, he's not like that. I know you tried to warn me about that months ago", he sighed oftly. "I didn't wanna believe it... but you were right, and now... Well if your partner is cheating on you and fucking others left and right literally right in front of you... it's so much easier to pretend that you're like that yourself too so you don't have to stop and think about the fact that it hurts so fucking bad", he said softly.
"...much easier than admitting that you're... being mistreated", he added with a soft mutter. It was the first time since he got together with William that Tyler admitted that he felt mistreated too. He just didn't know if that was gonna be the reason why he'd end things with him. He still felt like he couldn't go without, even though he felt like he was being mistreated as well.
Steve wrapped his arm around Tyler, pulling him a bit closer. "Changing the way you are just to please others, or to seem less weak, is a shitty way of living, Ty. You don't need that kind of drama in your life. That lifestyle is really not for you. You need to be loved and your body needs to be worshipped and you need to feel stable and secure and safe in your relationship. William is giving you none of that", he said.
Tyler didn't know what to reply, so he didn't. He spotted the car approaching them. "Cab's here", he said softly. "Let's go."
//
When they got to the airport, suddenly Tyler's nerves started playing up extremely. "What if they'll... know", Tyler said softly. "Know what?" Steve asked. "About the... y'know", he said. He'd just taken drugs a few hours ago - barely any, but he still did it because Steve wasn't able to stop him in time for nothing to get inside of him. "You'll be okay. You showered, you got new clothes on, wel left the other clothes behind. Their dogs can't smell what's inside of you and they won't find anything because we got nothing on us. Just try to relax, don't be tense. Just think of Luke, think of your shows. Just... try not to bring any attention on yourself okay? I'm here, you're gonna be fine baby. I'm right here", he said.
Tyler nodded softly. He tried to take deep breaths. As he was asked questions, he smiled softly and replied naturally, no matter how nervous he was on the inside. He was able to play it all off as if he wasn't nervous at all, and they got through security without any issues.
"You did great. Proud of you", Steve told him as they walked to their gate. Steve had already planned for them to not have to wait in the airport very long; they were boarding in about ten minutes. Tyler held Steve's hand tightly; at this point, he didn't even care if people would see him and take pictures and spread it all over the internet. He didn't care if people would start the stories about how Tyler might be gay. He just needed to feel safe and protected, and Steve was giving him that.
They were able to board as usual and before they knew it, they were in the air.
The flight took a little less than five hours. They were in seats together with no one next to them because the flight wasn't nearly sold out, but they did have to get cheap tickets because the more expensive ones had been sold already. So the spaces were tight, they could hardly move their legs or stretch them, but they didn't care. Tyler was even happy that they had those seats because it meant that he and Steve were closer to each other, and he had his head resting on Steve's shoulder throughout the rest of the flight, their fingers intertwined too.
When they landed, the sun was rising and Tyler smiled. It was a beautiful sight, and they were able to leave the airport with no issues as well. As they got outside, Gabe got out of the car as he had been waiting for them.
"Hey love", he said to Tyler. "Hi handsome", Tyler smiled as he gave him a tight hug. "Did Steve tell you about the uh... situation?" He asked. Gabe was quiet, looking over at Steve. Tyler knew what that meant.
"That's okay, really. I mean, I'm the one who's crashing your studio trip in Florida", he said.you're not crashing anything. We're thrilled that you're here. Would love your opinion on what we've been working on", he told Tyler, gently ruffling his hair. "We missed you."
"I missed you guys too", Tyler gave Gabe another tight hug. "Are we going to the studio now?" He asked. "I was thinking you'd want to go to the hotel to get some sleep?" Gabe asked. Tyler shook his head no. "I wanna see the guys, I wanna hear your stuff", he said as he was getting into the car. Gabe looked over at Steve. "Let's do what he wants", he said. "Aren't you exhausted? You flew to Cali for five hours, spent another three hours or so there before flying another five hours", Gabe said. "I'll manage. Also yes I am exhausted but it's fine, I'll sleep later. I'd kill for a coffee though", he said. "You can have mine", Gabe said, grabbing it from the cup holder and he gave it to Steve. "Thanks", he smiled, then they got in the car as well.
//
Tyler didn't think there was a studio in a better location than the one they were in now. Inside of the sunny studio room, it was bright and yet still super cozy, spacious and lots of things going on. Toward the side there was a door that lead up to a big balcony that overlooked the ocean.
"I didn't think beach studios were an actual thing", Tyler said. "This feels more like a mansion." He lit a cigarette as he leaned on the balustrade.
"It's the best one we've been in for sure", Steve said. "It's a little bit colder here than in Cali", Tyler noted. "I mean, nowhere near autumn or winter temperatures back in Ohio and Michigan. But the slight chill in the air feels good", he said. "Makes me feel more alive I guess", he said. "That's good", Steve grabbed Tyler's hand, and he squeezed gently. "Wanna grab our guitars and sit out here and just... see what we come up with?" Steve asked. Tyler nodded. "I... wanna show you guys what we did though", he said. "I... I need to hear what you guys think", he said.
They finished their cigarettes and went inside. Tyler hooked up his laptop and played some of the songs he'd been making with William.
"...right", Dylan trailed as it was over, and they were quiet. "Uhm..."
"Just be honest", Tyler said impatiently. "C'mon, just say it. I can take it. I just need to know what you think", he said. "Well... it's not my favorite work from you", Dylan said.
"Okay I'm not gonna beat around the bush and I'll be straight up with you", Gabe said. "With all due respect, Ty... what the fuck was that", he said. Tyler felt his heart sink. He wasn't sure anymore if he could actually take their criticism now that Gabe started off like that.
"It's not... bad. It's not. But this isn't anything like you. There's nothing in here that says this is Tyler. Nothing that says this is you. Nothing! This isn't bad but I'd hear this on the radio once or twice and I'd never look it up and add it to my playlist. This isn't you, you're way more intricate and detailed and you experiment way more with the things you do and the sound you add to your work. This just feels like Ariana Grande's songwriter wrote some songs for you and had you sing them. Did you even write these? Any of these? 'Cause it doesn't sound like it at all", Gabe said.
"Yeah Ty... like he said, it's not bad, but it's... it's not great either", Brian said. "All of your albums have been different from the previous one but there's always this signature Tyler tone in there that makes them cohesive no matter how different they are. But this? There's no correlation between this and Astronaut, which is the album that made the entire world fall in love with you. This is just..." he trailed.
"...boring", Eric said. "...I wasn't gonna say it, but yeah, that's exactly what it is", Brian said as he gestured at Eric, letting Tyler know that he agreed.
Steve didn't say anything; he wasn't gonna give his opinion again. He'd already let Tyler know. And while Tyler said he could take it, Steve knew it would hurt Tyler inside anyways. He didn't wanna contribute to that even more now.
"I'd just delete it all", Gabe said. "...you're kidding", Tyler said. "No, I'm not. I'd scrap it all, just hit ctrl A, then delete, start over completely. And this time, write how you've always done it. You write the songs. 'Cause it's your talent that the world is excited for and wants more of. Not whatever the fuck that William dude is trying to make you do", he said.
"...I can't just delete it", Tyler said softly. "You can, Ty", Brian said. "And I think you should, too. Start from scratch, start over fully, without him. Just you, and Steve. And we'd love to help you write or figure out instrumental parts or just support you. But please, don't release this. I know you're afraid of messing this up and losing your fans. That will happen if you release this stuff, but it won't happen if you start from scratch and make an album that's you", Brian said.
"Take that risk, Ty", Dylan said. "It's scary but all five of us know that it'll be so worth it. You'll make a killer album and you'll get even bigger than you've been getting now. But it will be thanks to you, it won't be thanks to William", he added.
Tyler was hesitating, his heart was beating rapidly as he leaned against the table. He bit his lip, his nails scratching his chin slightly as he debated what to do. Then he pushed himself to get up, he walked to the laptop, hit control A and then hit delete. He immediately deleted them permanently. Then he stared at the screen for a while as all the files he'd been working on were completely gone.
"No going back now", he muttered. "God I hope you guys are right", he sighed.
"Proud of you Ty. It's gonna pay off, I know it will", Eric said.
//
Tyler sat on the balcony, with Steve's acoustic guitar in hand. He was mindlessly playing something, while the others were inside. Steve thought it'd be good for Tyler to take a moment to himself and see if anything would come out that'd be promising.
"I promised you better, but this is all I have", Tyler softly sang. "You say it's okay and you take me as I am. It's that time of year again and you know I'd love to buy you something, but you know that I got nothing", he continued.
"Please, I've had enough", he softly sang. "In circles I'm turning, from this world I'm burning... tell me, what happens after this?" He continued.
"Some days I'm flying high, I'm falling low. Some days, I'm made of gold; I'm made of stone", he hummed softly. He grabbed his notebook and he wrote some things down. He bit his lip as he looked over the ocean.
He felt so many things at once; he didn't know how to really handle them. He put the guitar down and got up, walking back inside. The guys were talking about Brian's vocal part, but then Tyler noticed that Steve wasn't with them; instead, he was laying on his side on the couch, eyes closed; he was asleep.
Tyler sat down on the couch opposite of him, his eyes scanning his face, the way he looked so peaceful as he slept. The hand under his cheek, using it as a tiny pillow; the soft breaths coming from his lips. Tyler just stared, he couldn't take his eyes off of him.
There was a hand on his shoulder, then an arm around his neck as Gabe sat down. Only then, Tyler noticed the tears on his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away. "H-hi, s-sorry", he said.
"You're not over him yet, are you?" Gabe asked gently. Tyler didn't reply right away as he looked back at Steve, then he softly shook his head. "No", he whispered. Gabe tightened his arm around Tyler's shoulders, squeezing gently. He rubbed his arm with his hand. "Does he know?" He asked. Again, Tyler shook his head. "No", he said softly.
"Don't you think it'd be good to tell him? I mean, I don't know if he feels the same because I didn't ask him, but... he still hasn't been dating since, he shuts down any flirtatious actions right away, he also loves you to death and does anything for you... I can't say for sure but I think that if you'd tell him... you guys would make it work", Gabe said.
Tyler bit his lip. "I... I don't know, we're- we're living such different lives right now... we don't ge the chance to see each other much, it would just... complicate things, I- I think we'd just be miserable again 'cause we barely get to see each other", Tyler said softly. "Mhm... yeah I get that", Gabe said. "M'sorry Ty. D'you think you'll tell him?" He asked. Tyler shrugged softly. "I don't know", he said. "I just wished I'd never lost him in the first place", he softly said.
"You didn't lose him, he's still right there. He's always there for you", Gabe said. "I know, but... I just- I wished I'd not been an idiot and messed our romantic relationship up", he sniffled. "And I've been trying to deny the fact that I still have feelings for him romantically", he added softly. "Remember the afterparty? Right after Bonnaroo?" Tyler asked as he rested his head on Gabe's shoulder. "Yeah I do", Gabe said. "Was a wild night." "So wild that Steve and I ended up sleeping together, apparently", Tyler muttered softly. "Oh shit", Gabe said softly. "Yeah", Tyler let out a sigh. "But I was talking to William then... I- I got angry at Steve for saying that I had to be careful with him because he'd heard... negative things about him", he said. "I... guess that it was easier to just get angry at Steve for saying something negative about him instead of admitting that I still had actual feelings for Steve", he mumbled.
"And I betrayed him too, so... don't think he's too happy with me", he added. "What do you mean?" Gabe asked. "I did drugs", Tyler said. "Like..." Gabe trailed. "Coke. Like, three or four times", Tyler said as he looked down, then he looked back at Steve's peaceful expression as he slept. "I promised him I'd never do that and then I broke his promise", he said. He wiped some tears away.
"Does he know that?" Gabe asked. Tyler nodded. "He saw me right as I was doing it yesterday. He literally smacked it out of my hands to stop me", he muttered. "He was so angry. I've never seen Steve be angry at me", he said. "It was... not that he was really angry at me, but at the scene that William put me in, the fact that he made it available and encouraged me to do it, Steve being terrified that I'd be going down a dangerous path he wouldn't be able to save me from, him being scared that he'd lose me... so he yelled at me and he had tears on his face and that was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life", Tyler said, wiping some more tears away. "I love him so much and I just betrayed him", he whispered.
"You would've never done that if it wasn't for the people around you pushing you into that", Gabe told him, wrapping his other arm around Tyler now too as he held him. "Steve knows that, I'm sure he does", he added. "But knowing I- I broke his heart, I made him so scared and all of these terrible thoughts were- were going through his head because he found me right as I was snorting fucking coke Gabe, I did that to him", Tyler said. It had broken his heart too, to see Steve like that. Thinking back to it now made it even worse. He could still hear Steve's voice yelling inside his head because of how scared he was.
"I don't deserve him", Tyler whispered. "Don't say that. Stop that", Gabe told him. "You deserve Steve. Period. You deserve each other. Yeah you might make mistakes, and maybe Steve will too in the future, but you're soulmates, I'm sure that every time you'll be there to save the other. And forgive each other each time too. What you and Steve have is special, Ty. It's not something you can just lose overnight. You guys are genuinely unbreakable", Gabe said.
"I hope so", Tyler muttered. "I can't go without him." "You won't have to", Gabe assured him. "Steve loves you."
"I love him too", Tyler said. "So so much." "I know love, I know", Gabe gently told him.
"...so what about William?" He then asked. Tyler didn't reply right away. "...he's been calling me several times now", he said. "Maybe I should pick up and just... get it over with", he said. "Are you gonna let him know that you and him are done?" Gabe asked. Tyler nodded. "...and will you be honest with us after you've called? Even if you... wouldn't break up?" He asked.
"Yeah... yeah. I promise I will", Tyler said. "I wanna be honest with you... I've been hiding enough from you guys", he muttered. Tyler gave Gabe a tight hug, then he got up. Gabe grabbed his hand to stop him as he was about to walk away.
"You don't need him", Gabe said. "Remember that. You don't need William. You are much stronger and talented without him. We know plenty of respectful producers who will respect you and uplift you and your music instead of tear it down and influence every single part, who would love to work with you. You don't need him, Ty", Gabe said.
Tyler gently squeezed his hand. "Love you", he said. "Love you too Ty", Gabe replied. Tyler smiled, then he let go and he went back outside onto the balcony.
~~
Ohhh man
Ty confiding in Gabe 🥺 and revealing some ~secrets~ that Ty hasn't been sharing, he's still in love with stevieeeee (what a surprise)
He's starting to understand more and more that what situation he was putting himself in with William was really toxic and he's much better off without!
What did you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts ♥️ and see your votes of course!! I can't wait to publish another chapter for you. See you soon! All my love!! ♥️