Hello friends ♥️ how are you?
Hope you're doing well! I know I said I might've uploaded this yesterday but because I haven't been able to write that much lately, I don't have a lot of chapters written left so I need to write more so I won't end up not updating for weeks because I haven't finished the next chapters yet. So sorry that I didn't upload yesterday! But we're back today ♥️
Hope you'll enjoy! Thank you for being here. I can't wait to hear your thoughts and see your votes ♥️ I'll upload the next one asap! All my love ♥️
Word count: 3010
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"I'm sorry", Colin sighed softly as he accepted the cup of tea. "I should be taking care of you, not the other way around."
"That's not true. We take care of each other", Josh said as he sat down on his bed next to Colin. "I just... I can't believe what he did to you, Josh", Colin whispered. "I can't fucking believe it."
"Me neither, not really", Josh softly said. "Feels unreal sometimes." He looked down, then the softest smile appeared on his lips. "...thank you for beating the shit out of him though", he said, and Colin couldn't help but let out a soft laugh, which Josh did too. "He got what he deserved", Colin said. "Yeah he did", Josh smiled softly. He rested his head on Colin's shoulder.
"There's something I didn't tell the others", Josh said. "Only Fred knows."
"Oh..." Colin trailed. He didn't wanna ask what it was, because Josh hadn't told the others either. Only Fred knew, and while Colin of course didn't mind that, he also wished that Josh would trust him the same way.
"I'm sorry that I made you feel like you can't trust me", Colin softly said. "No, no that's- that's not true", Josh said. "I do trust you. You're my best friend. That's why I... I wanna tell you", he said. "You- you don't have to", Colin said. "I do, I want to", Josh said. "Uhm... I don't know how to really begin to talk about this", he said, letting out a nervous laugh. He got up, grabbing the box of antibiotics. He sat back down and he held it in front of Colin.
"What's... what's this?" Colin asked as he grabbed the box, turning it around to see what the box said.
"I uh... I need to take that for a bit over a week. Ten days", Josh said. "Why?" Colin frowned softly. Josh rested his head back on Colin's shoulder.
"He gave me an STD", Josh said. He could feel Colin tense up, as if his heart had stopped. "Don't- don't worry, don't worry", Josh said as he grabbed his hand. "I mean, any STD is bad but... I got lucky", Josh said. "If I take the antibiotics, then I should be cured in about ten days. It's one of the most treatable, curable STDs. So I won't have to carry that around for the rest of my life", he said, showing Colin a soft smile. "Just... just a few more days."
Colin didn't even know what to say; he just hugged Josh tightly. "I'm so sorry", he whispered. "It's- it's okay... it won't last, I'll be done with it soon", he said. "I can handle that. And uh..." Josh trailed.
"Fred's getting tested tomorrow too", he then said as he looked down, picking at his fingernails. "...because I uh- I slept with him", he said. Colin's eyes widened. "You what?!" He asked in disbelief. "Yep", Josh said. "We uh... I thought Dustin broke up with me the day before I went to Muncie with Fred... he uh... we- he and I were talking and he said he... had a crush on me", Josh said. "After I asked who he had a crush on. And uhm... I've- I've been having a crush on him for a long time too", Josh blushed.
"So we... spent two nights together. We.. slept together twice", his blush deepened. "I... I thought we'd start dating a bit but... when we came back from Muncie Dustin acted like nothing was wrong", he said. "I... I explained to Fred 'cause I'd hurt him... Dustin just kissed me in the cafeteria and Fred thought I lied to him", Josh explained. "But I told him the full story, I said I wanted him, Fred wanted that too, I went to Dustin to break things off and... I wasn't strong enough. Not even close", Josh shrugged softly. "I slept with Dustin that night and uh... I felt too guilty towards Fred so I... I told him I slept with Dustin and that I- I chose him instead", Josh shrugged. "That hurt Fred, of course... and then he left the dorm."
"And I couldn't tell you because I... I felt trapped and silenced and I was a mess and I hated myself for so many reasons... I just couldn't tell you", Josh said. "But... but now I am. And I... I'm not telling the others about me and Fred. It's just... just between you and me and him", Josh said.
At that moment, the door opened. "Oh! I- I thought you were in Colin's dorm... sorry, should I come back later?" Fred asked. "No, no come in, please", Josh said. "I uh... was just telling him that I have a crush on you", he said. Fred blushed. "...oh", he said, as he sat down next to Josh. "...also that I have a crush on you?" He asked. "Mhm", Josh nodded with a soft smile.
"Wait you guys are actually together?" Colin asked. "No, no", Fred shook his head. "No we- we're not, not yet- I-I mean, not now", Josh replied. "Ohhh not yet", Colin grinned. "Shut up", Fred said with a laugh as he rolled his eyes. "Nothing's going on right now. No matter how much either of us would want that."
"I can't believe you guys are still into each other pretty much a year after that kiss", Colin said. Josh gave him a light shove with a blush. "Shush, we- we can't do anything about that", he said. "I just think it's cute", Colin smiled. "Not the right timing right now, I think... but if it's already been present for a year then I'm pretty positive about it lasting a while longer", he smiled. "I hope so", Josh blushed.
"One thing I know for sure is that Fred would never hurt you the way Dustin did. I know he'd be good for you. Just makes me happy", Colin said. "You deserve to smile and feel much better again. Not saying you'll be unconditionally happy all the time, or that suddenly everything is solved and you're cured, but I know it'll make it easier when you got less stress and worries about how you're gonna be treated by the person who should be there for you all the time. The person that's supposed to be your safety blanket", he said.
"Dustin was... anything but that", Josh said. "It's... its weird to know that I... I now ended it, officially", Josh said softly. "I did love him, I always had love for him, no matter what he did... I- I don't know why", Josh softly shrugged. "And it's... weird, knowing I won't be going to his dorm every day anymore, that I won't have to choose him or you guys anymore... it's in the past", he said. "It also makes me nervous."
Fred and Colin didn't really know how to reply to that. It was definitely not unheard of, people having genuine love for their abuse partner in abusive relationships. It was still tough to hear though, 'cause that's why Josh had put himself through so much shit for way too long.
"I just... don't really wanna be alone any time soon", Josh softly said. "We won't let you be", Fred said. "At least one of us will be with you, yeah?" He said. Josh smiled. "I'd really appreciate that", he said. "I... don't trust my own mind just yet. Not so soon after everything... I'm scared I'll do something I don't want to do", he said. "Like..." Colin trailed. "Like going back, or something", Josh said. "Because of how I got so used to it... and now life's changing a lot very quickly and I don't wanna get scared and panic and run back", he said.
"I can never let you run back", Fred said softly. "Please keep that promise, no matter how much I'd beg you to let me go back", he said. "I promise", Fred told him. Josh grabbed his hand and he gently squeezed.
"By the way, Josh... I was thinking, y'know... about the STD", Fred started. "...what about it?" Josh asked, lifting his head back up. "Well... I- I know he cheated on you with that girl, Bethany", he started. "And that she knew you and him were together when she slept with him, which makes her a terrible person, but... maybe you should tell her", Fred said. "An STD is a very serious thing with very big consequences when left untreated... she can be the biggest asshole in the world but I think she has a right to know when she's sleeping with someone who has an STD and might've passed it on to her..." he trailed.
"Shit, I didn't even think of that", Josh softly said. "No you're right, I have to tell her. I can't not tell her, I'd never forgive myself for that, knowing she might be walking around with an STD having no clue while I do know she could potentially have it", he said. "I... I'll talk to her, I'll try to find her and... I'll just tell her. Hopefully she won't tell anyone else..." Josh trailed.
"They better fucking not", Colin said. "I hope so but... I don't know, these type of girls aren't really the type that like me a lot", Josh shrugged. "Even then... It's just a risk I'm willing to take if I can make sure that she can get treatment if she has it too", Josh said.
"You're such a great guy J", Colin said. "Shush, I'm not", Josh said. "I'm really not any better than any other person. I'm worse, actually", he said. "No way you're worse", Colin said. "I am, I'm much weaker than other people because I was stuck to Dustin for a fucking year", Josh said, pulling his feet up on the bed.
"I've wondered whether I was making stuff up or not for such a long time", Josh softly said. "I told you that I... I never, never wanted to sleep with him but... It's not like he was the only one who... finished, every time", Josh said. "At least more than half the times I did too."
"That doesn't mean it was with actual consent", Colin said. "Yeah, that's not the same thing. You can't control the way your body reacts or what your body feels. That doesn't mean you were consenting to it in any way any more than if you hadn't finished", Fred added. "And even if you actively enjoyed it afterwards, that still wouldn't mean it happened with full consent if you didn't want it before", he added.
"...well I never did that, y'know... actively enjoy it", he said. "So... I guess that means something", he said. "If you didn't want it, or if you didn't say 'yes', then no matter what happened afterwards; whether you felt pleasure or enjoyed it or finished or neither of those things, none of that changes whether or not it was with consent. It wasn't", Colin said.
Josh softly nodded. "It'll take a while before I got that through to my head I think, but... Thank you", he said. "We'll just keep repeating it every time you need to hear it, until you believe it", Fred said. "I know you'd say the same thing if it had happened to someone else."
"...you're right", Josh said, letting out a soft laugh. "Gosh, I fucked my life up so badly in a year", he said as he buried his face in his hands. "We'll do anything to fix that, to make the next year in college much better", Colin said.
"By the way... what're you doing this weekend?" Fred asked. Josh looked up. "Uhm... I got a shift Friday after class with Colin... and then Saturday almost all day with Gracie", Josh said. "No you don't", Colin said. Josh frowned. "...yes I do", he said. "Nope. Gracie's covering your Friday afternoon shift and I'm covering your shift on Saturday", Colin said.
"What? Why?" Josh asked. "You should ask your room mate that", Colin smiled. Josh looked over at Fred, suspiciously. "...what's happening", he said.
"Well... Seeing as I missed your 20th birthday because we weren't really on speaking terms... I wanna make it up to you", Fred said. "...with what?" Josh asked. "Give me a second..." Fred said as he got up. He rummaged through his desk, before he got out an envelope. He sat down on the ground in front of Josh, taking whatever was inside out of it.
"So... I got tickets to a festival with Finn, Luca, Tom and Jona", Fred said as he held up five tickets. "If you want to..." he trailed, then sliding a sixth one into view. "...you can go with us", he said. "It's in Tennessee, three days, and if you're wondering who's playing... Tyler's gonna be there too", he smiled.
Josh's jaw dropped, then his hands covered his mouth, then he practically jumped at Fred as he wrapped his arms around him and Fred was knocked back with his back on the ground, Josh on top of him as he hugged him. Fred laughed as he hugged Josh, and Josh was holding on so tight he wasn't sure if Fred could still breathe.
"Thank you", Josh whispered. "Thank you so much. Thank you."
"You wanna skip Monday with me? So we can stay all weekend?" Fred asked. "Of course", Josh said, tightening his hug. "That must've cost a ton."
"Our friends helped. They can't make it, and also Colin really wanted us to go together without them too", Fred chuckled. "I thought it was a good way to strengthen the friendship again! But knowing you're hardcore crushing on each other just makes it even better honestly", he said, making them laugh. Josh giggled, pulling back a little, but he was still on top of Fred. He looked at him, smiling.
"Thank you", he said, then he pressed a kiss on Fred's cheek. "I'm gonna get off you now."
"Alright", Fred chuckled. "Don't thank me. It's your 20th birthday", he said. "I've been twenty for like, almost 3 months", Josh giggled. "Because I wasn't there! But now I am", Fred smiled as he sat up when Josh sat back on the bed. "I'm glad you are", Josh smiled softly.
He hadn't been able to get any tickets to the festivals Tyler was doing; he couldn't afford it. But knowing Fred and their friends had all put money together to pay for a ticket for him, he was so beyond thankful. That was also the reason why Gracie and Colin covered Josh's shifts, per Fred's request.
"We'll drive through Cincy and pick Luca and Tom up. Finn and Jona will meet us there", Fred said. "Thursday evening, if that's okay with you? I know you don't have classes this Friday", he said. "Sounds good", Josh smiled. He was so excited; he hadn't been excited in a long time.
"And we're sleeping in tents", Fred said.
"You two better be sharing one", Colin replied.
"Shut up", Josh rolled his eyes with a blush.
"We are, actually, if you don't mind", Fred chuckled. Josh looked at him, a little surprised, the blush deepening on his face. "I... don't", he said. "I ship you guys so hard", Colin said. "Shut up", Josh and Fred said at the same time, which made them laugh. "Give me a minute to... process, y'know... everything", Josh gestured something random with his hands. "Right, sorry, I do", Colin said. "I just... just wanna see you genuinely happy again. Or at least feel genuine joy", he said. Josh grabbed Colin's hand and he gently squeezed it. "I'd really like that too", he softly said. "I love you." "I love you too J", Colin said as he wrapped his arm around his best friend.
"Thank you for letting me back in", Colin said softly. "Thank you for not being angry at me that I didn't do so sooner", Josh said. "Of course not, never", Colin assured him. "Just glad we got us back." "Me too", Josh softly says. "I know I don't seem happy and stuff but... I wanna say that that makes me really happy, and I don't know if those are the right words... It just- it just means a lot to me. It means so much", Josh told him. "It means the world to me too", Colin said. "I understand what you mean."
Fred just kept quiet and watched, smiling softly as he saw the two best friends reconnect again. He was happy Josh was letting not only himself, but Colin and their other friends back in too. Josh had such a big support system, but he still felt like he had to do everything on his own, when he didn't. Hopefully Josh was realizing this now.
He didn't have to do it on his own.
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How cute are these dudes 🥹 I love them. Love how much they care about Joshie ♥️ and how they're surprising him with something that they'll know make Joshie happy 🥺 he's got the best boys to help him through everything he's real with right now and I love that 😌
I'd love to hear what you think! I hope you enjoyed it! I know I really liked writing this. Thank you for being here and reading my stuff, makes me the happiest girl in the world. See you at the next one soon! ♥️