Hi this one's cute for the first half 😌 but also you might dislike me a little bit after so be gentle with me 🥺
Thank you for everything ♥️ your votes and comments make me so happy and excited. It just truly means a lot to me. ♥️ I hope you'll enjoy this one!
Joshie's still a sad babie tho I feel bad for him
I'm seeing NF again this week! Fourth time seeing him woohoo 🥳 I'm excited!
I hope you'll like this one ♥️ I'll try to update again tomorrow. Please enjoy!
Word count: 3310
~~
Josh and Colin sat on the floor in the back of the venue as they watched the people leave. Colin was rubbing Josh's back comfortingly, as Josh had been a crying mess. "You okay Joshie?" He asked. Josh shrugged. "As good as I can be right now", he replied, resting his head against Colin's for a moment. "Let's go", he said, sighing softly. "We need to drive back to Detroit tomorrow morning."
"Yeah, we can't miss the next show", Colin smiled softly at his best friend, and Josh gave his leg a light squeeze. "I love you C", Josh said. "No matter what, I love you." "I love you too Josh, so much", Colin told him. Josh gave him a hug, then got up and Colin did the same.
They went to the hallway to get to the merch stand to buy the cd and the first merch. When it was their turn, they both asked for the cd.
"Sorry lads, we're all sold out", the man behind the stand said. "We just got a few more of these left", he said as he pointed at one of the shirts. Josh immediately fell the hurt in his heart; he was so excited to get the cd and the other exclusive stuff, and when he heard that it wasn't possible, that hit way harder than it usually did because Josh was already so emotionally overwhelmed and sad. He felt his eyes sting.
"Josh!"
Josh turned around, when he saw Lucas. "You are here! We weren't sure!" he said as he reached Josh and Colin. "Hi Colin! Great to see you again!" He greeted him, and Colin returned it. "Wait are you okay?" Lucas then asked as he saw Josh's face.
"They sold out on the albums before we could get them", Colin said as he ran his fingers through Josh's curls. "Oh really? Dang, Tyler's gonna be so stoked about that", Lucas said. "Don't worry though! I'll go get you one okay? For both of you", Lucas said. "Tyler asked me to give you this, though", he smiled as he held up another cd that was in his hand.
It wasn't the regular Astronaut version, but the bonus version. "But- but this isn't- isn't out yet", Josh said. "Not until tomorrow night, but Tyler wanted you to have it already", Lucas smiled. On the front, it had Tyler's signature. "Open it!" Lucas encouraged, and Josh shakily opened the digipack.
Hi Josh,
Still not a hundred percent sure if you made it to the show tonight, but I hope you did. I'm sending my best friend out on a quest to find you right now, so... you better be. (:
If not, I hope somehow we'll still find a way to get this to you. But if you are... thank you for being here. I hope you enjoyed it.
I'm sorry I can't come to see you tonight. My family and some friends are here and we're celebrating the release of the new album. I wanted to give you the bonus version already as a thank you for all of your support over the last years. I hope you'll enjoy it. Let me know what you think of it, alright?
I hope to see you at the next show. You're gonna keep your promise, yeah? To never stop coming to my shows? Then I'll continue to look out for you.
You're a gem, Josh. I'm glad I got to meet you.
Love,
Tyler
"Oh man", Josh whispered, his eyes filled with tears again. "Thank you", he told Lucas as he held his arms out, and Lucas gladly returned the hug as he held him tightly for a few moments. "Of course, J", Lucas said. "He really wished he could see you."
"I wish I could see him too", Josh whispered, clinging on to Lucas. He was such a special person to Josh. He always tried to make him feel heard and feel like he truly meant something to some people. Lucas was so special to him.
"But thank you, please please thank him for me", Josh said. "I will, promise. I'm gonna get you guys the albums. Wait do you still want that one though, now that you got this one?" Lucas asked. Josh nodded with a blush. "Yeah", he said. Lucas smiled. "You're collecting them all?" He asked and Josh nodded again. "Love that. Let me see if I can find some posters too. Wait here, alright? If they tell you you have to leave, just wait by the entrance outside. I'll come find you either way", Lucas said. They both thanked him and he left.
Josh and Colin both bought the only shirt they still had and got their items from the lockers. Then the security told them they had to leave, so they went outside. For the first time, Josh didn't mind that they were sending them away; Lucas made a promise and he trusted Lucas with everything.
As they waited outside in the cold, suddenly Lucas appeared again. "Ah there you are", he said. "Sorry, that took a lot longer than expected. Had to run to like twelve different places to find this stuff", he chuckled. "That's not just two albums", Colin said. Lucas let out a laugh. "I grabbed anything I could find, honestly", he said as he had not only the two albums, but also a deluxe version for Colin, some stickers, the poster of the show from today and the posters for the show tomorrow, and two enamel pins that were made for the new album.
"Couldn't find any of the other shirts but I know they'll be restocked tomorrow. Are you guys gonna be at that show tomorrow too?" Lucas asked. "We are! And thank you so much for this. That's way too much, you really didn't have to", Colin said. "Ah that's awesome. I'm glad you're gonna be there tomorrow too! Ty's gonna love that", Lucas smiled.
"...wait", Josh then said as he looked at the back of the bonus album. "...ft. I Prevail?" He asked. "Shh!" Lucas laughed. "That's a surprise we've been hiding! But yes, they're featured on some of the bonus version", he smiled. "Oh that's so sick!" Colin said. "I love that", Josh smiled. "Thank you for all of this. You really didn't have to, you always go above and beyond", Josh sighed softly. "You deserve nothing less", Lucas smiled, and he gave Josh a hug. He then gave one to Colin too. "I gotta run, but I'll see you tomorrow yeah? In Detroit!" Lucas said. "We'll be there. See you tomorrow!" Colin smiled. Josh gave him one more hug as they said goodbye, and he left.
"He's so great", Colin said. "He's the best", Josh smiled softly. "Still wonder what his name is", Colin chuckled. "I- yeah me- me too", Josh nodded. "C'mon, let's go to my parents' place so we can get a few hours of sleep before we gotta get back to Detroit", Colin wrapped his arm around Josh's neck.
//
Tyler was able to step away from his family for a moment as he saw Lucas come back in.
"And? Did you find them?" He asked. "I did, he was here", Lucas smiled. "Really?!" Tyler said excitedly. "Yep. I gave him the album, and I got him like a bunch more stuff because the merch stand pretty much sold out right away", Lucas said. "Wait it did?! Did people like the show that much?!" He asked. "Oh yeah, they adored it", Lucas smiled as he grabbed Tyler's hand in his. "And Josh loved it too. The album especially. He was a crying mess when I gave it to him", he chuckled. "It was adorable."
"Oh man", Tyler sighed softly. "I wish I could've seen him. Is he gonna be there tomorrow? Do you know?" He pressed. "Yep, he is", Lucas smiled. Tyler let out an excited squeak as he jumped up and down, then he hugged Lucas. "Thank you for doing that for me", he said. "Of course Tyguy, that's what I'm here for. To help you and make you happy", Lucas smiled. "You do every day", Tyler smiled, and he kissed his cheek. "I can't wait for tomorrow."
//
The next day, Josh and Colin drove back up to Detroit very early, with only few hours of sleep. They didn't wanna risk being late to the show, though.
As they got back to campus, Colin and Josh went to their own dorms for a moment, to shower, get ready, and take a moment to breathe. As Josh was almost ready to join Colin and his friends, because he would be waiting with them in line today, suddenly there was a knock on the door: Dustin.
"Hi", Josh softly said as he let him in. "Hey. I want you to go to the show with me tonight", Dustin said. Josh frowned softly. "But I'm- I'm going with Colin and the others", Josh said. Dustin shrugged. "Tell them you're not gonna be there. They won't miss one person", he said.
Josh felt the sharp pain in his chest. "I- Colin will", Josh said softly. "You were with Colin yesterday. You're gonna be with me tonight", Dustin said. "But-" "Would you rather choose Fredrick over me again?" Dustin asked. Josh was quiet.
"It's Fred", he said softly. "Oh shut your fucking mouth Josh", Dustin said. "Don't talk back to me like that. You're going with me, and that's the end of that", Dustin said. Right at that moment, Josh's phone rang; it was Colin.
"Great timing! Tell them you're not going with them", Dustin said, and Josh felt how anxious he was in his chest. He was so intimidated by his boyfriend, he could hardly say anything that went against what Dustin said.
He answered the phone. "Hi", he softly said. "Hey Joshie babe, are you on your way? We're waiting for you", Colin said. "Uhm you- you guys go ahead", he swallowed difficultly. "What? If you're not ready yet I'll wait, I'll let them know they can go already but I'll wait for you to be done-", Colin said. "No, no", Josh interrupted him. "I... don't w-wanna go with you, I- I wanna go with- with Dustin", Josh said.
It was quiet on the other side of the line. "...what?" Colin the said. "Josh, you were going with us... the whole group", Colin said. "I- I changed my mind", Josh said. "I just- I really just- wanna go to a show with my- my boyfriend", he said. "...you're not being serious, are you? Josh what the hell", Colin said.
"I- I am, if you don't take me s-seriously then that's your fault", Josh said, harsher than before. "I'm n-not coming with you. Have fun at the show", he said, then he ended the call before Colin could reply. "Good boy", Dustin said. It made Josh's skin crawl.
//
That night, Tyler was on stage in Detroit. While Josh's friends were all in the middle, closer to the stage than the back of the crowd, Josh was the opposite; all the way in the back, with Dustin.
Right before the show, as he'd been waiting for Tyler, someone bumped into Josh.
"Oh sorry, I'm sorry, my bad-", he heard a familiar voice, when he looked up and his and Fred's eyes met.
"Oh", Fred softly said. "S-sorry, Josh", he apologized then. "I-it's okay", Josh softly said. "Hey J", Colin was there with Fred, both carrying drinks. "Are you coming to the middle with us? The view is much better than here", he said. But Josh felt Dustin's tight hand around his arm. "We're fine, Colin, Fredrick", Dustin said. Fred glanced at Dustin. "Right", he said, before he looked back down. "Uhm... enjoy the show", he said, meeting Josh's eyes one more time, before he turned around.
"Josh, you-", Colin started. "I'm fine, just- just go", Josh said, voice cracking slightly. "I- I don't wanna be in the- the tight crowd, I- I can't do crowded spaces like that right now", he made up. Colin bit his lip, wanting Josh to come with them so badly, but he gave up.
"I'll see you after the show okay?" Colin asked. Josh nodded. Then, Colin had walked away too.
Josh wished that he'd physically dragged him with him, but his friend was just respecting his wishes. And seeing Fred right before the show, wasn't making it any easier, especially when he felt Dustin pressed against him, looking down on him the whole time.
Now, Tyler was playing the first song, Counting Stars, and Josh could barely see it.
"Lately I've been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be. But baby, I've been praying hard, said 'no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars'. Yeah we'll be counting stars", he sang.
"I see this life like a swinging vine, swing my heart across the line. And in my face is flashing signs, seek it out and you shall find. Old, but I'm not that old; young, but I'm not that bold. And I don't think the world is sold on just doing what we're told. I feel something so right, doing the wrong thing. I feel something so wrong, doing the right think. I couldn't lie; everything that kills me, makes me feel alive", he continued.
"Detroit! Sing it with me!" Tyler yelled. "Take that money, watch it burn, sink in the river the lessons I've learned", he sang together with the crowd, until the song was over.
The crowd cheered, and Tyler was all wide smiles. The show yesterday was an ice breaker; Tyler was back, and he felt much more confident standing on that stage again. He followed up the first song with I Don't Wanna Go to Mars, from the regular album, before he sat behind his piano as he started to play it.
"She packed my bags last night, pre-flight. Zero hour, nine AM. And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then", he sang. "I miss the earth so much, I miss my life. It's lonely out in space on such a timeless flight", he continued.
"And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home. Oh no, no no, I'm a rocket man", Tyler sang. "Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone."
Josh had always loved that song, and hearing Tyler sing it made it that much more special to him. He felt his eyes sting, he wanted to cry and to be held and to feel everything that Tyler made him feel, but he didn't; he stayed as neutral as possible, 'cause he didn't want Dustin to tell Josh he was weak, or pathetic, or exaggerating. He didn't wanna show his emotions around him. It would make him uncomfortable, so he did his best to swallow it away and hide it.
"Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact, it's cold as hell, and there's no one there to raise them if you did. And all this science, I don't understand. It's just my job five days a week. A rocket man, a rocket man", Tyler continued.
"And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home. Oh no, no no, I'm a rocket man. Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone. And I think it's gonna be a long long time", he finished the song.
Josh would yell, he would cheer, and he wanted to; but he just clapped his hands hesitantly. Only when Dustin did the same, Josh had the guts to actually do that, too. He heard the rest of the crowd cheer and sing along and be so happy that they were here; Josh felt trapped, and he'd never felt that at any of Tyler's shows so far.
"Now that she's back in the atmosphere, with drops of Jupiter in her hair, she acts like summer and she walks like rain. Reminds me that there's a time to change", Tyler started the next song.
"Since the return of her stay on the moon, she listens like spring and she talks like June. But tell me, did you sail across the sun? Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded, and that heaven is overrated? And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star? One without a permanent scar, and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"
Josh softly sang along, almost whispering to himself as he did. His eyes were blurry, he was trying so hard not to let any tears escape. His heart was so heavy; he wanted to be with his friends so badly.
...no he didn't. He wanted this, to experience this with his boyfriend. He did. He chose this.
"But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet? Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day and head back to the milky way? And tell me, did Venus blow your mind? Was it everything you wanted to find, and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?" Tyler continued the song.
He got the whole crowd to sing with him again; na na na na na, at the end, as he sang the other lines and the crowd kept singing the na na na parts.
"And are you lonely looking for yourself out there?" Tyler finished the song, and the crowd cheered.
Tyler got up from his piano, smiling at the crowd as he heard their applause. "Thank you", Tyler smiled. "Thank you for being here, for your insane response to Astronaut already so far. Thank you for being at this show, for listening to those songs from outer space", he smiled.
"Oh and before I forget... I don't know exactly where you are, but I do now for sure know that you're here tonight", Tyler spoke. He gave a small wave at the crowd. "Hi Josh", he smiled.
Josh couldn't stop the tear that did escape as his breath hitched softly, and he hoped Dustin wouldn't see it. "Hi Tyler", Josh whispered back, more to himself, and he bit his lip. This night felt surreal, but not in a good way like it usual did. On one side, he was seeing Tyler again, he was hearing his voice and his songs; on the other side, he felt like every little thing, every little movement or step, could be a mistake and would be hated by the person who he called his lover.
~~
Mannnnn
Started off so cute and then poor joshieeeee
Don't hate me okay it's all part of my plan I PROMISE
Thank you for being here ♥️ I'd love to hear what you thought of this! I'd love to know alll of your thoughts and emotions and frustrations and eeeeverything bc I love it but just as long as you trust me and don't hate me okay I'm fragile too 🥺
I'll see you at the next one. Much love ♥️