Hi
Warning
Quite emotional chapter I cried writing this lol
I'm so curious to hear what you guys think. I'm not gonna say much more but oh man I can't wait to see your reactions
Let's just dive in ♥️ I hope you'll enjoy reading it and I can't wait to see your votes and hear your opinions. Here's chapter 112 ♥️
Word count: 2493
~~
The first few days, Tyler cried. He cried a lot. He called Steve a few times, when he needed it the most.
After those few days, he finally started properly talking to Lucas about it. He tried to explain his feelings, his fears, where his anxiety came from and how bad it was. That he knew what he was doing wasn't good but he couldn't stop it and he couldn't help it. He wanted Steve to be safe. He knew there was a big chance he wanted him to be too safe.
Lucas and Tyler talked all day, and all night, and the day and night after that, and the ones after that.
As the days passed, Tyler called Steve less and less. He was learning to let go of the feeling of having to know where Steve was at all times. He was trying to learn to trust other people to be around Steve when he himself wasn't. He was trying to learn to trust Steve himself, to be more alert of the people around him, so he could look out for himself. He trusted Steve with everything that he had, but he was scared that Steve wouldn't watch out for himself enough.
He would still call Steve. To tell him he loved him. It was something he felt like he needed to do every day, even if it was just a phone call that lasted a minute or two. He just needed to tell him that.
The days passed and Tyler barely felt any more at home than he did before, but his mind was changing. He had cried a lot but he had started to be able to take deep breaths and to let go of his fear more.
Eventually Tyler stayed away for more than a week, staying in Columbus for two weeks total, just with Lucas only, before they packed their stuff and got into Lucas' car.
"Are you ready to go back?" Lucas asked as they got in, but hadn't started the car yet. "Yeah, I think I am", Tyler nodded. "I missed him so much." "I know you have. Let's drive to Detroit then, let's go see your baby", Lucas said. Tyler nodded, and Lucas started the car, then started their drive to Michigan.
//
"Alright. Do you wanna go inside first, to talk to Steve?" Lucas asked, and Tyler nodded. "Yeah. I just... I need time alone with him first. I'll call you when you can come, is that okay?" Tyler said. "Yeah, definitely. Take all the time you need. I'll just go hang out around here somewhere and I'll wait for your call", Lucas said as he kissed Tyler's cheek. "Good luck, baby." "Thank you", Tyler replied as he gave Lucas a tight hug. He then took a deep breath, before he got out the car, leaving his luggage and Lucas's inside of the car for now.
Lucas drove off, and Tyler rang the door bell. He fidgeted with his fingers nervously as he waited for Steve to open the door.
When he did, Tyler suddenly forgot everything that he wanted to say, and he just looked at him.
"Hey baby", Steve said. Tyler swallowed difficultly. "Hi", Tyler whispered. He then stepped forward and he cupped Steve's face in his hands, before he kissed him firmly. He felt Steve's hands find their way to Tyler's waist, pulling him closer as they made out. They didn't break the kiss until they were both out of breath, and Tyler felt his tears sting as he looked into Steve's eyes.
"I love you so much", Tyler's voice cracked. "Fuck, this is... this is not gonna go how I thought it was gonna go at all", he said, a tear escaping. Steve frowned softly. "What do you mean baby?" He asked, searching Tyler's eyes for something, anything that would tell him what he meant, but he found nothing. Just two broken, hurt filled eyes looking back at him.
"I..." Tyler tried, and he sighed as he rested his head against Steve's chest. He tried to take deep breaths, to calm his mind.
Somehow, for some reason, as soon as he'd looked at Steve, everything just came back. All the fears, the anxiety around Steve being around people without Tyler, the worries about him not looking out for himself well enough; the hurting he did to Steve by not allowing him his freedom. The fear of Steve getting drugged again, the fear of him dying. It all came back, everything that Tyler thought he'd worked through and processed, everything he thought he could handle and hold on to, it was all gone.
"I- I was gonna come here and we were gonna talk it all out, right?" Tyler asked as he looked back up at Steve, some tears rolling down his cheeks. "Yeah... Ty, you're scaring me", Steve softly said. Tyler wiped some of his tears away, sniffling. "I'm scaring me too", he whispered.
He tried to take a deep breath, but it was shaky. "I- I think we..." Tyler trailed. He breathed out, closing his eyes; he wanted to calm down. Nothing was helping.
"I think we- we need... a break", Tyler's voice cracked as he spoke the words. "We- we need... space."
Tyler saw Steve's heart break right in front of him. "...w-what?" Steve whispered. Tyler already couldn't stop crying, even more now that he saw Steve's teary eyes.
"Oh baby, fuck", Tyler sniffled. "I love you so fucking much", he told him. "Then why- why are you- are you saying that?" Steve asked, a tear escaping for him now, too. "Because I thought I worked through it but I didn't, baby", Tyler sniffled. "I didn't. I was gonna come here and tell you how well I did and how I worked through it and how we can move forward happily and healthily together but- but it- I'd be lying to you baby", Tyler cried.
"As soon as I saw you, just right now, I knew. I failed, baby, I fucking failed. I can't bear the thought of you going out without me being there to look after you. I can't handle the thought of not knowing where you are or with whom, I can't fucking do it, I can't do it", Tyler cried. "I hate myself so much baby, 'cause I'm hurting you so badly by doing this. I'm isolating you and I don't want to but I am. It hurts so much to admit that 'cause I don't wanna be your toxic partner that hurt you and isolated you and tried to control you. I do not want to do that to you and I do not want to be like that", he continued.
"But right now, that is exactly who I am and if I don't say this right now then I won't have the guts to say it later and I'll keep choosing for myself, selfishly. I'll keep choosing what's best for me but I need to choose what's best for you."
"I love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you smile, the way your voice sounds, the way you dress and the way your fingers move as you play guitar. I love how you stand up for me and you won't let anyone fuck me over. I love how you're with Lucas, and my friends, and yours. I love how you love your family and how they love you, I love watching you make dinner and I love cuddling you and smoking with you and sleeping next to you and making love to you and kissing you. I love watching you undress and I love watching you when I make you feel good and I'm so addicted to you and I love you so much that I don't ever wanna lose you and I get selfish. I do everything I can to keep you with me in every way possible and I'm only doing what I think is best for me and not what's best for you. I can't treat you like that, baby. I can't do that", Tyler cried.
"It's so unfair to you. It's so damaging. I thought I fixed it, in those last two weeks being away from you. But the second I laid my eyes on you, I knew I didn't. I didn't fix it. I need you to take a break from me so I can't keep doing that to you. I can't let myself do that to you", Tyler told him.
"S-so does- does that- does that mean... p-permanently?" Steve asked, cheeks completely tear stained now, too.
"I- I don't know", Tyler whispered. "I hope it- it's not. I hope we- we can- we will find our way back to each other and- and you'll give me a second chance in the future", he said, and speaking that sentence made him cry so much harder than he already was. Steve did, too.
"Because I love you. I didn't stop. To me you're my forever but I can't- I can't be if I- if I'm toxic to you. I'm doing this for you baby, please know that that's the truth. I'm not making excuses, because I fucking love you. I'm really doing this for you", Tyler cried.
"I know", Steve sniffled. "I know you are, I- I know why. I- I understand", his words were stuttering. "You know, deep inside, I'm toxic to you too right now, don't you?" Tyler whispered softly.
Steve closed his eyes for a moment, and he opened them again. He bit his lips, his view blurry because of the tears, his breath was hitching. "It's okay", Tyler whispered as he held his lover's hands tightly. He was okay with Steve admitting it if he knew it too. He needed to know it wasn't something his self-destructing mind was making up.
Tyler didn't think he ever saw Steve cry harder, as he heard his breath stutter and he saw his tears flow and how hurt he was inside, how his chest stuttered too. It hurt his heart. "You know I'm being toxic to you, don't you baby?" Tyler asked, very softly.
"Y-yeah", Steve admitted, and it seemed to break him even more. "I- I do", he cried. Tyler had to hear it, and he was glad he did, but that didn't take away from the immense heartbreak that he felt as Steve admitted it. He wrapped his arms around Steve's neck and they both sobbed into each other's arms as they held each other.
"Tyler I- I love you so so much", Steve cried, afraid Tyler didn't know or thought it was a lie. "You need to know that too, you need to know that I love you so much and I'm willing to give up everything just to be with you. I don't even care anymore", Steve cried.
"I can't let you do that baby, I can't", Tyler told him. "I'm not gonna let you give up yourself for me. I can't. I was willing to do that too, in the past, and I'm so glad I didn't get the chance to give myself up", Tyler sniffled. "W-with Luke?" Steve asked, and Tyler nodded. "I love you way too much to let you give up everything about yourself", Tyler whispered. Steve's breath hitched as he closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Tyler's. "I- I wasn't prepared for this to- to h-happen", he said after a while.
"Me neither", Tyler replied. "I- I wasn't planning on this at all. I thought we'd- we'd be working through it right now and I- I'd be able to be the good boyfriend that I hope I was before to you again. I wouldn't- wouldn't be doing this if I- if I wasn't a hundred percent sure that I- I was gonna just make it all worse and I w-would isolate you even more. I- I know I'm gonna have s-so many regrets about doing this which is why I- why I'm doing it right now. If I wait longer then I won't let you go and I- I will wreck you and I can't let myself do that", Tyler told him softly.
"I hate and love you for- for choosing what's best for me", Steve sniffled. "I- I regret asking you to t-take time apart two weeks ago but I- I know it's what we- what we needed", he cried. "It is, it is what we needed. What I needed, to realize how badly I was treating you", Tyler said. "You made the best choice you could've made f-for me. And now I'm- im choosing for you", Tyler replied.
//
As Lucas drove to the center of Detroit so he could spend some time downtown, he carefully avoided the rain puddles so he wouldn't splash all the people walking by on the sidewalk. It was rainy, quite cold, and Lucas loved the autumn vibes of the city. He came to a stop in front of a crosswalk at a red light, then watched the people cross the road.
His eyes then widened, as he thought he saw a familiar face, but he was confused. It was hard to see, as the boy was bowing his head down because of the rain, he had the hood of his coat over his hair, but the curls poking out weren't brown. He couldn't properly see his face, but Lucas couldn't shake the feeling that he was right.
But why would he even be in Detroit? It couldn't be for his friend. Someone else was walking next to him.
The light turned green and Lucas had to drive again, but he pulled over somewhere quieter and he grabbed his phone before he hit call.
~~
My oh my believe me when I said I bawled my eyes out when writing the Steve and Ty part. That HURT omg
So..... what d'you think? Big changes happening 🥺 poor babies are hurting so much rn. I feel so bad for them
I can't wait to hear what you thought of it. We're you expecting it? I kind of set it up to be like that I think, but judging by the comments everyone was rooting for them to figure it out together so I'm curious to hear!!
Can't wait to publish next chapter so you got more to read about everything happening right now.
And lukey seeing joshieeeee...... excited for you to read about that too!
Love you! Thank you for your support. Until the next chapter! ♥️