(Current timeline)
"So what are you gonna do now?" Hoseok turns towards Taehyung. Currently, they are sitting in one of the private rooms at Hoseok's hotel. Taehyung was there to meet with Hoseok and talk about the situation that happened at his home. He didn't know what to do, he was close to losing his mind so he turned to the only person who he could find peace with.
"I don't know hyung....but I can't continue living as if nothing happened. Seeing Yeonjun distancing from me I can't handle that. He says he is okay but I know he isn't. Him finding out my past has changed the way he looks at me. He seems scared....he avoids coming closer to me....he stays out as much..and it hurts because I know he feels guilty of him....he is disgusted" taehyung holds back himself from crying and looks down at his hands.
Hoseok squats next to the bed and brings Taehyung's hands on his own. "You have to be strong for him, Taehyung. He just got a bomb dropped on him of course he gonna feel many things and will be descended from you. You need to understand that the boy is going through a crisis. Give him a little time and space for himself. I know you are scared of him going away from you but I promise you Yeonjun loves you always too much. He won't escape you because you won't let him. But give him some time to figure out things" Hoseok gives Taehyung a small smile to which Taehyung nods.
When things are calmer Hoseok offers him food which Taehyung was about to refuse but Hoseok didn't give him the chance either. Hoseok watches taehyung eat with a small smile on his lips. For Hoseok, Taehyung has always been the most important person. His first love. Even if taehyung never actually became his he can't seem to love the younger any less than he did the first time they met.
He knows Taehyung also loves him too, they tell each other they do, and they even kiss. But they never actually seriously consider each other...at least not Taehyung. If you were to ask Hoseok what their actual relationship with each other is, then he wouldn't be able to give you a proper answer.
Were they just friends? No two people who have confessed their love for each other can't just be friends, right?
Were they lovers? No, because they haven't given each other that label yet. But they acted like one.
I guess it is just safe to say they are two individuals who love each other but aren't for each other. For Hoseok he would happily call themselves a couple but he wasn't sure if the same happiness would be felt on the other side. Taehyung never really expressed his feelings towards giving each other a chance. And he understood why but he didn't at the same time.
For Hoseok Taehyung is the person he loves but he doesn't know what he is to taehyung. They had their moments, they were happy together, and they suffered together. But mostly you can say that Hoseok was there in Taehyung every moment....even if those moments were most when taehyung was in difficulty. He was there throughout Taehyung's hardship no matter if it was something small like fighting with Jungkook or when Jungkook ruined taehyung life.
Now that Hoseok thinks about it every time Taehyung comes to him, and cries to him, it was because for one reason only. Jungkook. Hoseok was always the one comforting Taehyung whenever something went wrong with Jungkook. Hoseok always cheered and Jungkook made Taehyung sad. He wiped those tears that fell from Taehyung's beautiful eyes because of Jungkook. He made Taehyung smile when he was unhappy because of Jungkook. Even if you name it their moment it was only possible because of Jungkook.
Hoseok thinks maybe he has always been a good escape for taehyung from his sad reality.
Hoseok looks down away from taehyung because all of a sudden his stomach drops and his chest hurts. How did it take him this long to figure this out? Even if Taehyung was to say he loves him because of the other person.
"Taehyung '' Hoseok calls desperately. Taehyung stops eating and look up at Hoseok "yes hyung" he replies.
"If Jungkook gives you divorce did you ever consider us?" Hoseok sees Taehyung's eyes widen as if he was caught doing something wrong.
Hoseok chuckles "I know we are far from the golden age but if I was to say that I love you and marry you would you have done it?" He feels like he knows the answer to the question but he wants to hear from Taehyung himself. But seeing the hesitation floating in his eyes, Hoseok's heart breaks for the second time....and both reasons were taehyung.
"I am sorry," Taehyung says, eyes lowered.
Hoseok snorted at Taehyung's answer. He feels the need to laugh but he just wants to hide away and cry but Hoseok doesn't know how to do either of them. So he can only painfully look at Taehyung.
"Why are you sorry taehyung? Is it for you not wanting to marry me......or that you don't love me" he asked.
"I am sorry...that I am not fortunate enough to be yours" taehyungs begins and meets eyes with hoseok.
"It's not that I don't love you that stops me from being yours.....but it's that I love you which stops me from being yours," taehyung says as tears slip down his face. Taehyung also chuckles at his unfortunate self. The man who he comes to love is asking him to marry him yet he can't even have that.
"You know that I am ill-fated when it comes to people I love. Whenever I love someone or choose to be with them it always ends up bad. If I love someone they go away from me. I chose to be with them then they got taken away. It always backfires" taehyung grips his sleeves as Hoseok carefully looks at the younger male.
"I don't think I can go through another loss. You have been the most precious to me hyung. Yes, I do love you, and yes I want to be with you but I can't have another round with my ill fate. I don't think I stand a chance to fight anymore, ''Taehyung gives him a playful smile.
"Believe me when I say this. If I would hold your hands and run away from everything and have a new beginning then I am willing to leave everything behind.....but I can't do that hyung. I already once fell in love with someone and married that person. I almost lost everything because of it. ''Taehyung feels like he is back in the past, in the four corners of his room, and hurting Hoseok again.
"Where I am today is what is left of that love and I don't think I can run away from this too. I am too afraid to make new changes and have this taken too. I am sorry hyung" he sobs but Hoseok doesn't cry nor even frowns. He doesn't know how to cry in front of someone....especially if that someone is taehyung.
Taehyung feels like he is the cruelest person to exist because he had managed to hurt the man who loved him, the man who cared for him, the man who waited patiently for years for Taehyung. He feels like he just became cold inside seeing how Hoseok was holding everything inside him and he was counting speaking.
"Then are you gonna be alone?" Now Hoseok was making excuses.
"Nowadays being alone feels a lot safer," Taehyung says.
"But then again I am not alone really. If I was to look back I come to realize that I was never alone. I had Eomma and Yoongi Hyung to ease the emptiness of my father. Jungkook came even if it was for a short time he became my friend and the person I love. I had Jimin when I needed a friend. And then you came into my life to give me the love I looked for. And now I have my yeonjun and mina" taehyung smiles thankfully that he had all those people by his side at different points in his life.
"But yes it was lonely though....and he will be more now too. But I am not afraid to embrace it. I came to realize that even when my story comes to an end and I am left with no one it won't be as scary as I think" taehyung doesn't know if it is how he truly feels but he begins to realize that sometimes being alone and feeling lonely isn't always a bad thing.
Someone wise once said: "if you choose to love someone who already loves another, the innocent heart is all set to be broken into pieces" Hoseok now realizes that it was meant to be.
"Would I be too bad of a person to say that maybe if we were to meet in a different time-zone like now then maybe I could have the courage to say yes to you?" Taehyung asks to gulp.
"You are very bad" Hoseok replies but smiles too which made Taehyung smile. "I guess you were trying to make this rejection less hurtful with your sweet words but it only hurt more" Hoseok let out and stood.
Hoseok sighs and turns away from Taehyung "you made a choice Taehyung so stick to it. Don't let sweet words comfort me. It's okay to be greedy sometimes." Hoseok fixes his suit.
Taehyung is also on his feet watching Hoseok back "you are alone, it will be lonely and sad but don't cry.... your tears will make me want to run back to you. So don't give me a reason to come back because I will always be watching you from far away." Hoseok's eyes teared a little which surprised him.
"Funny how I still can't hate you for this rejection too......or making me wait. But that's probably because I knew you were someone who I can't have." hoseok counting blinked to see if tears would finally fall......but they didn't.
Hoseok turns to face Taehyung for one last time "I thought I could wait for you till the end but today I realize I can't......or maybe because this is our end. Thank you for staying by my side. It was warm when you were near me." Taehyung sobs hearing those words coming from Hoseok.
Hoseok steps away from taehyung, his eyes on the crying taehyung. He feels rays of stings pass through his chest. If only I knew sooner that one day I will be standing here while saying goodbye to you then I wouldn't have loved you this much.
Hoseok walks away cursing at his heart for being so stupid. Why does the heart always go for someone you can't have? Then cry about it later!
Taehyung drops to his knees and watches Hoseok go away until even his shadow becomes invisible. "I told you I am ill-fated" he cries again wishing for what he couldn't have.
It wasn't until dawn did taehyung return home. The house was empty but he liked it that way. Usually, he would be wondering around where everyone was, he would make sure everyone around the dining hall was full of laughter and all. But he did not deserve to do any of that. He did like the peace but today even in the emptiness of his home he couldn't find that.
Taehyung without much thought to his surroundings was about to walk up to his room but he freezes when He sees someone in the living room. He takes a step closer to the person and his heart stops. Jungkook.
"What are you doing here?" Taehyung thought he wouldn't be seeing Jungkook unless it was at the court but here he was standing in his home, in the middle of his living room.
Jungkook eyes followers taehyung from top to bottom. His cheeks were red, lips trembling and eyes numb "did you cry?" Jungkook asked, worried.
"I ask what are you doing here?" Taehyung makes his tone cold and loud for Jungkook to hear.
Jungkook for a second doesn't speak as he understands that he doesn't have the right to ask taehyung that. Jungkook brings out a document and sets it on the table between them. "I signed it," Jungkook says.
Taehyung didn't know what he felt hearing those words....he doesn't even know if he felt anything. Jungkook signed the divorce paper, the only thing holding Taehyung and Jungkook's names together. Jungkook finally freed that today.....then why didn't Taehyung feel the relief?
Why wasn't Taehyung off his feet, screaming in joy? Why wasn't he saying "Fucking Finally!" Why wasn't he even smiling? Why did he stand here staring into the eyes of the monster he just got released from and feel like disappearing?
Taehyung looks away from Jungkook because he can't. He has so much going on inside his mind and heart that he felt like he was gonna explode. His hands were shaking for no reason! He hates this moment! He hates this day! He hates this second! He wants everything and everyone to just disappear!
Jungkook was feeling no different from Taehyung. He did something he never thought he would be able to too. Jungkook gave it a lot of thought, and every part of him was denying him from signing that paper. He wants to rip it apart and come to taehyung and scream at him that he could never leave him. Jungkook wanted to end the world because it was forcing him to let go of his taehyung. He even bruised himself because some part of him wanted to let them go.
Jungkook never believed how a small piece of his heart was telling him to let go of Taehyung...telling him that maybe this is the farthest the two can go along. Even Ji-eun said the same. But how could they know? How can they say to just let go of Taehyung? Of the only people he ever held on. Taehyung was everything that Jungkook had yet even his heart asked him to let go!
Jungkook was a mess at the moment, he doesn't know how he is holding together in front of Taehyung. When all he wants to do is run to Taehyung and capture him in his arms.
"Taehyung I-"
"Leave it on the table and leave" taehyung coldly said and was about to walk away but what Jungkook does next has his eyes wide open and jaw dropped.
Jungkook lowered his head and got on his knees, his hands resting on his things "I am sorry" Taehyung gets scared when Jungkook says those words.
"What are you doing?" his lips stumble and his feet back away from Jungkook.
"I am so sorry" Jungkook kept repeating and crying. "I am sorry I give you so much pain. Never once did I not hurt you. I am sorry I put you through misery....made your life a nightmare" Jungkook cries rubbing his hands against each other.
Taehyung bites his lips to hold back his cries. He wanted to tell Jungkook to get up and leave, tell me not to do this to taehyung right now. He wants to scream he doesn't have anything left inside him to hear Jungkook right now. He wants to avoid eyes with Jungkook and run to his room, shutting himself away from everyone but he isn't able to do anything!
"I never meant to hurt you like that....I never meant to become a hiccup in your life. I just always wanted us to be together. I only ever want you taehyung...only you." his eyes were becoming redder so was his face but he didn't care.
"You know I never wish to be born like this.....I never wish to become a monster. Never wanted to be a pain in someone's life. But since the day I was born I had already become a head ahead of my parents. I don't know what I did wrong to become like this but I've never been something good to anyone''Taehyung sobs at Jungkook's words.
"I don't know what a 5-year-old did that made people around me think that I wasn't normal.....or that I was a psycho. But growing up hearing those words, and seeing people disgust me I come to believe that I was who they told me I was. I saw myself as a monster......seeing myself from people's eyes and I hated myself." Jungkook's hands were shaking, just like Taehyung was.
"But then you came to my life. You were so different. You weren't like those who I grew to hate for me. You didn't look at me with disgust, you didn't say mean things to me, and you didn't even care what others thought about me. Instead, you told me you wanted to be my friend.....and do you know how I felt when you did Taehyung?" Jungkook finds Taehyung with his eyes and smiles a little.
"You know when you've been thirsty for a long time and finally get to drink something....the relief you feel then is what I felt. I never had what a normal child would have. I wanted a friend too. I would see so many children running around playing with each other, they would hold hands, laugh together, and have fun together. I wanted friends too....I would approach those kids and ask to play with them but they would push me away calling me names they have heard from their parents. Some of the older kids even beat me up sometimes. But you become my water who eases the thirst of a friend" Jungkook said and Taehyung's heart broke.
Taehyung knows it too well, he has seen many times how Jungkook would get bullied by the kids who Jungkook only wanted to be friends with. He would offer a hand of friendship and they would break that hand.
"You were so kind to me...so nice to me from the beginning. When everyone called me psycho, you said I was the nicest person. They said I made them scared, you told me I protected you. They said I hurt them, and you said I kept you safe. I always made others sad or cry yet you said I made you happy and smile. All your sweet words, your action had me attack you" Jungkook whispered the last part even if it wasn't a secret.
"The reason why I never wanted anyone near you, or let you make another friend was that I was scared that if you find another friend then you leave me behind. I was scared that I would lose the only person who cared about me to others. No one ever treated me like you did and I became obsessed with that. I was also jealous with the thought that if another person came between us then you will look at them the same way you did with me, you will spend time with them like me, smile at them as you do to me, you hold their hands as you did to mine" Jungkook chuckles at his stupidness.
"I didn't see the point of anyone else getting that treatment from you. For that Jungkook he thought everyone else was "normal" and "normal" people usually get to feel that. They usually already have someone kind to them, they already have a lot of friends, they already have a lot of people to love them. But Jungkook isn't "normal". I didn't have a lot of people who loved him. He only had Taehyung and he didn't want to share Taehyung with anyone" Jungkook confessed.
Hearing this, if Taehyung would go back to that young Jungkook then he would have slapped some sense in him. He wanted to scream at Jungkook that he was an idiot. Taehyung would never look at anyone the same way he did at Jungkook. He would never be able to smile at them the way he did that to Jungkook. He could never be what he was to Jungkook to any other because he was crazy in love with that "unnormal" Jungkook.
"I am sorry I was so stupid but I didn't know any better. Everyone tells us that we aren't for each other. They keep wanting you to be away from me. Everyone always butted in between us. Even when I try to ignore them I was always scared that you might just end up leaving me one day because you might end up believing them. And when you kissed me that day under the cherry blooms.....that was when my obsession with you grew more. I loved you more, I loved the feeling of your lips on me. That was the most gentle person who had touched me." Jungkook's words make shivers run down Taehyung's back.
"But then I was forced to let go of you.....that day I went insane......I told you lies and made you hear words I never meant to say but had to because I had to let you go. The day was the first time I felt anger...I was so angry and full of hate that I didn't notice I end up hurting others too...physically" Jungkoook remembers how he got into a brutal fight with another boy from school named Jay who as usual was teasing Jungkook. If it was any other day Jungkook would have ignored him but it wasn't just another day. He had just broken the heart of taehyung and was at the edge and he took all that anger on Jay.
"I did that thinking you will hate me and go away from me but you seem to love annoying me. I was battling with myself and my mother, trying to stay away from you so she doesn't harm you but you keep coming around me. I acted so rudely, said mean words, and even got Ji-Eun involved with me just to stop you from coming closer to me yet you always find your way to me. It was becoming too much for me because no matter how hard I tried pushing you my heart only wanted you. I also wanted to give in and run to you, hold you, take you away, love you. But I wouldn't do that because someone else would do much worse to you if I let you in. but then my patience was tested to the limit when Hoseok came to your life. He started to take over you, you shipped your focus on him. You didn't come around me again. You told me that you were letting go of your feelings for me and moving on. And I guess that targeted my monster" Jungkook bites his lips because he was coming to the point where he always ignored.
"I was frustrated and in pain seeing you with him, you did what I was always scared you would do. You start looking at Hoseok through those eyes that used to only look at me, you smiled the same smile you did to me. You held his hands too, you allowed him to be close to the way you did with me. I was in pain seeing you like that but my hands were tied with my mother's threat. Even when I wanted to go to you and take you away from him I couldn't. One thing added to another and I did something I could never imagine......I touched you in a way that left scars for a lifetime" this time taehyung does hold back his sobs and lets Jungkook hear his cries.
"P-please s-stop" Taehyung mumbles wanting Jungkook to stop because he can't hear all that now. He feels like he will hurt Jungkook or himself if Jungkook continues with his words.
"I am sorry for what I did to you that night Taehyung......I don't have an excuse I simply had become a monster.......I-"
"Stop please" Taehyung cries a little and makes his voice be heard but Jungkook was in his tears to hear him.
"I never wanted to be that person....never wanted to hurt you-"
"STOP! JUST FUCKING STOP PLEASE!" Taehyung screams towards Jungkook.
" Just go away Jungkook! Please just leave me alone! Please just do me that much and leave" Taehyung begs with everything that was left in him.
Jungkook can't just apologize now! He just can't!
Taehyung didn't wait for Jungkook to react and ran up the stairs to lock himself in the room. He shuts the door and falls against it, his knees against his chest and hand holding them together. He does what he wanted for so long, he screams! He screams with everything, as loud as he can, he lets everything out on that scream.
Jungkook's hands tighten on the floor as he hears Taehyung scream.
"If a simple word like sorry would fix everything then there is no need for laws" Jungkook faces forward to find his son at the front of the door.
Yeonjun stares dead into Jungkook's eyes. Yeonjun who had come in when Jungkook apologized to Taehyung. He saw how his Papa ran away and shut himself. Yeonjun's heart trembles hearing the painful scream coming from taehyung.