Hi friends! Haven't been able to write much this week but I still wanted to update so here's a new chapter! It's a bit shorter than usual, I hope you don't mind too much :) and I hope you'll still enjoy it!
Really hope to be able to write more again soon! I love this story and I love you and thanks for all your support ♥️
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Enjoy! Love you all ♥️
Word count: 4560
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"Hey handsome", Tyler said as he was in the back of the restaurant, feet on the bench which he sat on. He was leaning against the wall, smiling as he saw his lover. "Hey babe", Lucas smiled as he pecked Tyler's lips before he sat down opposite of him. "Sorry that I'm a bit late", he said. "Don't be sorry, what d'you have to be sorry for?" Tyler said with a smile. "You made sure Jenna and Josh got to their car safely. There's no way in hell that you have to apologize for that", he said. Lucas smiled softly, grabbing a piece of garlic bread that Tyler had already ordered for them.
"I just... they're young, I didn't want anything to happen", he said. "I really love that about you", Tyler said. "How you look out for everyone who respects you. Even if they're pretty much strangers", he said. "And I can't believe you actually met them. You risked so much", Tyler said. "Yeah I uh- I can't believe I did that either", he said with a soft laugh. "I uhm... it helps that they're- they're really nice", he said. "I... I wouldn't have been able to do it otherwise. Plus you were there and that really helped a lot too", he said. Tyler reached over to hold Lucas's hand. "I'm really proud of you", he said. "I know this uh... this won't change anything, between us and it doesn't change your dreams or your fears, and I'm not counting on that either. I'm not saying this because I'm now hoping that you'll be able to live with me on the road 'cause that's not the case, that's not true", Tyler said.
"I just... I'm just proud of you. For doing something you never thought you would do", he said. "And I'm grateful that you... you risked it all for them, but for me too, 'cause they were there because of me, and needed their stuff back because of me. I'm... I'm really thankful, and really proud of you", he said.
Lucas gently squeezed Tyler's hand. "Thank you, baby", he said. "I love you." "I love you too, Lucas", Tyler replied softly. "Uhm... sorry for uh, for crying about us earlier. I... I feel so dumb for doing that, I told you I could handle all of this, and I want to enjoy you until we run out of time and that I'll be fine but... then I just start crying about you and uh... I- I didn't mean to. I... I don't want you to change your mind or think that- that I can't handle it", he said softly. "So I... wanna say sorry, I wanna apologize for that", he said.
"Well, you shouldn't", Lucas said. "You shouldn't apologize for that. I mean, I know our situation isn't necessarily normal for people who break up, but I would feel worse if you were just completely unfazed by everything that we're going through", Lucas said. "And to me, some days are harder than others too. When we didn't talk for a while, before the Columbus show, I cried all day for, like, many days, because I was struggling with it. That uh... that didn't mean I was changing my mind, but I did struggle with it. And I still do, and I definitely still will once you're not here anymore. Once you're going to Europe", he said. Tyler bit his lip. "So you uh... you believe me? When I say that I can handle it, even if I cried about it just a while ago?" He asked. "Yeah, I do, as long as you keep telling me the truth then I will take anything you tell me as the truth. And uh... I listened to the lyrics as you sang it and there was something in particular that stood out and... you know your ex-lover doesn't hate you, hm?" Lucas said. He remembered the sentence clearly: and I understand every bit of you hates me.
"I didn't know when I wrote it, but yeah, I do now", Tyler nodded. "When I wrote these songs... my mind was constantly going from 'why did he not fight hard enough for me, why did he give up on me, why doesn't he love me anymore, I hate him, I never wanna see him again' to 'I messed up and I'm the reason why he's not here and he didn't give up, he gave me plenty of chances to better myself but I never did' and so sometimes in my mind I hated you and other times in my mind you hated me and sometimes I blamed you and other times I knew the blame was on me. So the songs I wrote were based on both of these things. Sometimes it was you, other times it was me, which I know is the actual truth", he said.
"It's not just you, Ty-" Lucas started. "Oh baby no, stop, don't try to tell me it's not", Tyler said gently. "Because I know it is", he said. "No it's not-" Lucas tried. "It is. You told me what you wanted when it came to your future and you told me about your severe anxiety when it came to being in the public eye and meeting my fans and I convinced myself that that wasn't the case. You were always sweet to me but I treated you like shit several times. You were always there for me, while I ignored you numerous times, for way too long. You were always up front with me about everything yet I didn't even talk to you about when I'd go back on tour. I ruined us, Lucas. I did that. You didn't", he said.
"Tyler you need to stop blaming only yourself", Lucas told him sternly. "Stop. I hate when you do that. There's at least two people in every relationship. You make it sound like you were abusive or something!" He said. "Well wasn't I?" Tyler said as he looked down. "No! You weren't!" Lucas replied. "But I ignored you! I said mean things to you, I wanted everything my way, I lied to myself that that's what you wanted too but it wasn't! And I tried to change that! I tried to ignore that! I didn't listen to you because I didn't know how to handle it! I did not treat you right, at all. I was the issue", Tyler said.
"Tyler, stop. You are not abusive. You are scared. You were scared that we wouldn't work together. You are scared that people will leave you. You're afraid of being alone. You're scared that the people you love will abandon you. That's why you tried to tell yourself different things than I was telling you. That's why you were willing to sacrifice everything for me. But you are not abusive. You never were. Don't convince yourself that you are abusive because you're not, okay? Please tell me you understand", Lucas said.
Tyler swallowed difficultly. "So I got abandonment issues", he stated. Lucas didn't reply, but Tyler knew that that's what he meant. "...well I mean you're probably right", he mumbled as he looked down. "But are you sure that I wasn't-" he started. "Yes, baby, I am sure. I promise you that I'm not lying. You were not abusive", Lucas said.
Tyler sighed as he put his elbows on the table, before he rubbed his forehead. "I..." he trailed, swallowing difficultly. He didn't know how to say what he wanted to say, and Lucas noticed he was struggling. He got up, moved around the table and sat down on the bench next to Tyler. He pulled him in a tight hug, and Tyler had really needed it as he held on to his lover tightly. "I love you Ty", Lucas whispered. "I love you too", Tyler replied softly. "S-sorry for- for ruining our evening", he sniffled. "You haven't ruined it baby, you really haven't", Lucas told him gently. "The night isn't over yet. We still have time", he said.
"I wish it wasn't evening yet", Tyler softly said after they'd let go of each other. Lucas remained next to Tyler, which Tyler appreciated. He held Lucas's hand as he pulled his foot back up on the bench. "I... I'm scared to... run out of time", he softly said. "You uh... you're right. I'm scared of losing you", he muttered. "Luckily you'll never lose me", Lucas said gently. "But once we run out of time..." Tyler trailed. "Then I'll be your best friend, always", he replied. "But are you sure you want to remain in my life? Be my best friend? Are you really sure? 'Cause I'm not, I'm not sure. I mean, I am sure that that's what I want but I'm not sure if that's what you want", he tried to explain. "There's nothing I want more than being your best friend for the rest of our lives. I'm serious", Lucas said.
"Gosh I hope so", Tyler whispered. "I promise", Lucas said. Tyler always believed Lucas, but still, it was hard to do so. Not because he didn't trust Lucas, but because he was scared to lose him forever.
They talked for a little bit more before they decided to order and decided to try and change the subject to something a bit more happy and hopeful again. Tyler was happy that they talked, especially about the part that he was most worried about; being abusive. He tried his best to believe Lucas, telling himself that he would not be there after they broke up if he had been.
"So in about four months you're turning 24", Lucas said. "So then you can tell people you're actually 24 instead of saying it 4 months too early", he chuckled. Tyler rolled his eyes with a smile. "23 just sucks", he said. "Why?" Lucas asked. "'Cause I was 22 when we got together, but when we broke up I was 23, when I fainted on stage I was 23, when I had to recover from an eating disorder I was 23, most of the fights we had were when I was 23, I was an asshole to you when I was 23, when I went full self-destruct mode after we broke up I was 23; it just is not a good year. It sucks, I don't wanna be 23 anymore, and I never wanna think about it again", he said.
"But good things happened when you were 23 too", Lucas said, now sitting opposite of Tyler again. He reached over to hold Tyler's hand on the table. "Like what?" Tyler asked. "I don't think I'd be able to name one thing", he said. "You released an EP", Lucas said. "Which is already doing really well. You did several tours. You got healthy. We celebrated Christmas together, and your birthday, together with your family. We did have good times and nice memories from being together and being on tour. Most recently; Lady fucking Gaga loved your version of her songs, she commented on it and follows you. You're gonna go on your first European tour pretty soon, which is also gonna happen when you're still 23. And Josh", he said. Tyler quirked an eyebrow. "Josh is a good thing that happened?" He asked. "Yeah. You got to know him better, you got to talk to him, you got to trust him and talk about what you're going through to him. He makes you laugh when your friends and I are failing to do so, you seem to like it when he's around because he makes you smile. I just feel like you have a pretty special bond with him that you don't have with other fans", Lucas said. Tyler hummed very softly, staring at a random spot as he thought about it.
"So yeah I'd say he's one of the good things that happened while you're 23. Would you disagree?" Lucas asked. Tyler smiled very softly, crookedly. "I guess not", he said. "See?" Lucas smiled. "Just thinking about it makes you smile. And don't tell me you don't feel a special type of way about Josh 'cause the selfies on your phone if you and Josh tell me otherwise", Lucas said. "It's just pictures", Tyler said. "Have you ever taken pictures of you and a different fan on your own phone?" Lucas asked. "...No, I haven't", Tyler admitted. "Well then, there's your answer", Lucas smiled. "He's one of the good things that happened." "I guess you're right", Tyler smiled softly as he looked down. "He's just... Different than the rest, it feels like. I don't know. He gets nervous when we talk at first but once he's kind of calmed down, he just... Treats me normally I guess", he said with a soft laugh. "And I feel like he can be trusted. It's rare that I can be my full self around someone these days 'cause it can so easily be leaked to my fans", he said.
"And he also told me that it's definitely possible to have several soulmates in your life. That has been the most important to me, 'cause that made me feel a lot better about our situation. 'Cause I felt... I don't know. Betrayed, misguided, like my heart lied to me, when you said we weren't meant to be. But once he said that it was still possible for you to be my soulmate... It just made so much sense and I never thought of it and I'm just really fucking glad that Josh made me realize that he's right, that we can have multiple soulmates, and you're one of them. You're probably the first one, too", Tyler told Lucas. "You are mine too", Lucas said as he intertwined his fingers with Tyler's, who smiled. "I love you", he told him. "Love you too", Lucas smiled.
//
"Can you believe that Tyler kissed our cheeks? Jonathon's gonna be so jealous", Jenna said. "What? No he's not, there's no way he'd be jealous about Tyler kissing my cheek", Josh said. "No he's not gonna be jealous about Tyler kissing your cheek, he's gonna be jealous that Tyler didn't kiss his cheek", Jenna grinned, and Josh let out a laugh. "Okay you got a point there", he said, smiling as he rolled on his side, his hands under his head. "And to answer your question; no, I really can't believe it. It's- this entire day was insane, Jen. I thought we experienced the craziest thing when we crashed Tyler's party but then this happened and it was- I can't- I don't even know what words to use I just can't believe it", he said. Jenna smiled. She loved seeing Josh happy and excited, she loved it when he thought back to what had happened and how lucky he had been. She just loved when her best friend was happy and feeling great.
"Did Tyler answer? To the pictures you sent?" Jenna asked. Josh's smile fell and his eyes widened. "...don't tell me you forgot to send the pictures", Jenna said. "I forgot to send the pictures", Josh muttered. "Okay go do it then! Now! Hurry up, you need to send the pictures ASAP Joshua 'cause you promised him!" She urged him. "Okay okay I'm on it! Jeez Jen don't be so pushy", Josh said. "I am going to be pushy! Because Tyler asked a million times and you kept forgetting so I'm here to make sure that you won't forget! Send him these pictures!" She said. "I am, I am, really", Josh said as he opened twitter and he went to Tyler's profile. Tyler's DMs were always open, for everyone, but that didn't mean he would actually reply. Josh didn't even know if he would see the pictures; maybe Tyler already forgot about them, and he wasn't waiting for them anymore, and maybe Josh hadn't even crossed his mind anymore since they left.
But he sent the pictures to Tyler through DMs on Twitter, a bit nervously, and he was hesitating, before he quickly typed something and hit send so he couldn't take it back anymore.
Joshuadun: Sorry that I kept forgetting, here are the pictures (:
He locked his phone and he put it away. "Done", he said. "Good! Now we wait to see what he says", Jenna grinned. "He might not even see it, Jen", Josh said. "Don't get my hopes up, or your own for that matter. The chance that he'll see it is very small", Josh said. "Sure babe, whatever you say", Jenna said. "Jen he's Tyler! Just admit that the chance that he'll see it is very slim. He's with his friends or his ex or his crew or something right now and tomorrow he will have forgotten about today already and he won't remember the pictures and he'll get so many DMs from people that mine will get buried and then that's the end of it, and he won't see the selfies, and it was fun while it lasted but that will be the end", he said. His phone then buzzed and as he grabbed it he saw that it was Jonathon, and then another messages from Jonathon, and another one - but before he got that third one, he saw a different pop-up, and he froze.
"What? What is it?" Jenna asked curiously. Josh's heart went straight to his throat, swallowing difficultly as he opened the notification. "Josh talk to me! What is it?!" Jenna asked impatiently. Twitter opened, his DMs opened, and there was a message. From Tyler. "He... responded", Josh said softly. Jenna gasped. "I fucking told you so!" She exclaimed. "Shush, let me read!" Josh said with a soft laugh, blushing as he looked at his screen.
tylerrjoseph: oh there they are, finally! ;) thanks for the pics, josh. glad you still remembered to send them. I like them.
Joshuadun: Sorry that it took so long, it just kept slipping my mind because of everything going on. I like them too (:
tylerrjoseph: no need to apologize for that, I get it completely, especially after someone tried to steal your jacket. don't feel bad about it. :) just glad to have them. thanks for being there today. it was a fun day. a lot of it was because of you, so thanks for that.
"...I don't know what to reply", Josh softly said. "What did he send? Show me", Jenna said, and Josh showed her the conversation. As she was reading it, she raised her eyebrows. "He's typing again!" She said. Josh quickly turned his phone around, seeing the three dots, shortly followed by a message.
tylerrjoseph: did you get to your hotel safely?
"He's asking if we got back safely", Josh said with a soft smile. "Oh he's the cutest person in the world", Jenna squealed. "He's so sweet!" she sighed. "He is, huh", Josh blushed.
Joshuadun: Yeah, we did (: We were really grateful that your friend walked us to our car because we were a little nervous about going back to the car after the show with the two of us
tylerrjoseph: I'm glad :) I'll let him know. you struggle a bit with accepting compliments, hm?
Joshuadun: I guess I do, I'm sorry. Didn't really know what to reply, it's a bit of an issue I've had for a while
tylerrjoseph: nah, don't be! just hope you had fun today too, even after the jacket incident.
Joshuadun: Yeah I did!! We both did (: and the show was amazing, so it definitely made up for the stress of losing my jacket for a while haha. Thank you for what you and Michael and Jordan did to get my jacket back, it really means a lot (:
tylerrjoseph: of course, I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I hadn't done anything I could to get it back to you. glad you still enjoyed the day, and the show, josh. say hi to jenna for me, yeah? go get some rest. see you in cincy ;)
Joshuadun: Yeah, we'll see you there (: Good night, Tyler
tylerrjoseph: night, joshua.
"Tell me Tyler Joseph has a weak spot for my best friend without telling me", Jenna said. "Oh shush", Josh laughed. "It's true! It's so true and you can't accept it because you think that there's no way he could ever think you're special. But you are! To me, to Jon, and to him! And this is the proof!" Jenna said. Josh sighed as he let himself fall back on the bed again, staring at the ceiling. "It's hard to believe that its true when I just... can't see it", he softly said. "And I don't deserve it. I never did anything to deserve him actually liking me and I... I don't know. It's... it's hard to believe", he said softly.
"I know you think its hard to believe, babe. But it's true, and you do deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone I've ever known! You're the best friend anyone could ever wish for, you're incredibly respectful and kind to everyone you meet, you always try to make people feel as comfortable and the best you possibly can and it's only fitting for Tyler to see exactly that when he looks at you, because it's true! You do deserve it, Josh", she said.
Josh bit his lip, looking over at his friend. "D'you know that I love you, Jen?" He said. She smiled as she got down next to him, and Josh wrapped his arms around her. "I love you too", she smiled as she cuddled her best friend.
//
"Why did you end the convo like that?" Lucas asked. "What?" Tyler asked as he pocketed his phone. "Just kind of out of the blue", Lucas said. Tyler looked at him, but didn't say anything for a while. "Well i- what do you mean? I- I just didn't want to keep him from whatever he's doing for too long", Tyler said. "I don't wanna bother him." "Bother him? Ty, you really think that you were bothering him? It's so painfully obvious that Josh loves being around you and talking to you every time you let him. There's no way you're bothering him. He'd probably talk to you for months on end if you let him", Lucas said. "But- no, no no I don't have time for that, and neither does he. Besides, he's not even a friend. He's my fan, it would be inappropriate", Tyler said as he got up.
"And let me guess; fans can't become friends?" Lucas asked. "Exactly", Tyler replied as he grabbed his pack of cigarettes and he made his way to Lucas's balcony. Lucas let out a soft sigh. "If he makes you happy he could easily become your friend, Tyler", he tried. "No, he can't, and he won't", Tyler replied before he opened the door and lit a cigarette as he sat down on a chair.
Lucas sighed softly as he rubbed his forehead. He knew Tyler smiled a lot when he talked to Josh, and lately, Tyler hadn't had many friends that weren't him or his crew. Obviously his crew started out as his friends, but Tyler didn't really make any new friends, because it was different when you were starting to become famous. He didn't know why Tyler quickly shut down the idea of allowing Josh to be his friend, but he guessed that Tyler was scared that it would escalate in something negative, or that Josh would end up using him, or that he would leave, which was what Tyler feared so much. So it was easier for him to not even try it, but Lucas wished it wasn't like that. He wished he'd let people in more. People who genuinely liked him, and he felt like Josh was genuine. But Tyler didn't want to hear it, or believe it, or allow it, because he didn't meet Josh as a stranger; he met Josh as a fan.
He let Tyler be for a few minutes, before he got up and joined him on the balcony. "Would you ever consider it?" He asked. "Consider what?" Tyler replied. "Letting Josh in as your friend", he replied. "No, no Luke, I can't, he's a fan, I can't do that and I won't, it's- its not right, it's not okay, I won't", Tyler said. Lucas saw that Tyler was a bit upset, so he reached out and he grabbed his lover's hand. "Okay, Ty. I wont bring it up anymore, yeah?" He said. Tyler nodded. "Thanks", he softly said. "Of course, baby. Let's just forget about it for now and do something you wanna do. What do you wanna do?" He asked. "Can we get high?" Tyler asked. "The remaining of the tour we won't be at home at either mine or your place, but tonight we are, so..." he trailed. "We can do that", Lucas said, and Tyler smiled softly. "Great", he replied.
//
"Are you excited to see Jon again?" Jenna grinned. "Obviously!" Josh said excitedly. "It's gonna be hard not to turn around to look at him the whole time we're driving to Cincy though", he giggled. "Turn around? You're surely getting in the backseat with him right?" Jenna said. "But- but I thought you'd- you'd want someone next to you while driving?" Josh asked. "Nah it's fine! You can go cuddle your boyfriend in the backseat, I don't mind that at all, Josh", she said. "But- are you sure?" Josh asked. "Yeah absolutely! Unless you don't want to, and you'd rather sit here with me, I'd love that too! But you've been waiting for your love to get here so don't worry about me, I'm fine!" She said. "I- I mean yeah I uh, I'd like to be in the back with him", Josh blushed. "Then you should, babe", she smiled. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine", she said.
"Oh also! Last night I noticed that we'll be passing through Ohio and the show isn't until tomorrow so I figured you might want to show a few spots in Columbus to Jonathon! We could get a smoothie at Zest Juice like we did a few days ago?" She said. "Oh that would be awesome, I'd love that", Josh smiled. "We can show him the bridge too, that would be awesome. I'd love to show him", he smiled widely. "Then we will! Let's go get our boy first, though", she said with a laugh as they drove to the airport.
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Yay what did you think? I'd love to hear! Lots of talking, but u feel like they're pretty important to the story's future! I'd love to hear your opinion on this and I hope to publish again soo. Thank you for reading and voting and commenting ♥️♥️♥️