Hi friends! Chapter 16 whoohoo! It's going pretty fast huh? But I'm loving updating for you and seeing your comments!
Almost going back home which means in a few days I'll be able to write more again! I'm excited to write for my stories again more. I really love writing them and I love it even more when you vote and leave comments because it means my work paid off and it makes me super happy!
So let's get into chapter 16! I hope you'll enjoy this one! Please don't forget to leave a vote. I hope to hear what you think of it! Would mean a lot to me ♥️
Here's chapter 16! Let's dive in. Enjoy ♥️
Word count: 5304
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"What does that even mean?" Josh sighed softly as he was in music class with Jenna and Jonathon, waiting for their teacher to arrive. "'I'm gonna sleep for three months'. What does he mean?" Josh muttered. "Maybe he's gonna have a break and tour will start again in three months?" Jenna wondered. "Or it'll take three months to recover from whatever it is that made him faint?" Jonathon questioned. Josh let out a long sigh. "If we only knew what was going on with him", he muttered.
"I hate this whole damn tweet", Josh stated. "'See you on the other side' what the fuck?" he said. "Do you think he has, like, a drug problem or something? Or alcohol? Like, addiction?" Jenna asked. "Tyler? I don't think so", Jonathon said. "...I have to agree with Jon on that one. I don't think so", Josh said. "Well you never know! That stuff can make you faint right?" Jenna asked. "And I heard on TV that it takes at least three months to recover from addiction. It would add up", she said. "Yeah but we're talking about Tyler here. Do you really think he has an addiction problem?" Josh asked. Jenna shrugged. "As I said, you never know", she said. "I wish we fucking knew", Josh muttered. Their teacher then arrived, and class started, but Josh could hardly concentrate.
//
Tyler and Lucas got back to Columbus. Tyler's family insisted on seeing him - which wasn't surprising; they were extremely worried. They cried a lot, but Tyler hardly did. He had cried most of the tears he had with Lucas together, and he had hardly any left to share with his family. Lucas didn't force Tyler to eat much that day, but he did get them both a cupcake because he knew Tyler actually really enjoyed them. They cuddled on the couch and in bed for most of the day, while Tyler occasionally smoked a cigarette on the balcony, and that night, they had the most intimate, most emotional sex they ever had; they knew they weren't gonna be together for a long time starting tomorrow, or not properly, at least, and they had to be together closely on their last night together for a long time.
The next day, Tyler didn't want his family to be there, and neither were his friends allowed to come. He went to the recovery center with Lucas only, because he was his lover, and he had been close to Tyler the most. He was the one who had tried to get Tyler to eat more a few months ago, and sensed that there was something wrong. Tyler couldn't shut him out after lying to him so much. And he didn't want to shut him out; he loved him to death, he wanted Lucas to be there. Just Lucas. No one else.
They went through the check in process, and Lucas was allowed to go to Tyler's room with him. They put some decorations down that they had brought; a little easy-to-care-for plant, some photo frames of Tyler and his crew, Lucas and Tyler together, smiling at the camera widely as they hugged each other tightly. Another one; a selfie where Lucas kissed Tyler's cheek and Tyler smiled widely. A picture of Pumbaa, a picture with his family. And a picture of Tyler on stage in front of his fans. They had brought Tyler's favorite mug and a stuffed animal that Lucas had gotten for Tyler a while back. They put all of Tyler's clothes in the dresser that he could use, put his toiletries in the bathroom, and then Tyler had to say goodbye to his boyfriend.
The first five days, Tyler wouldn't be allowed to have any visitors, so he could get used to this new place and he would not be distracted. He also could not use his phone, which he had to hand over to the staff, who would keep it safe in case Tyler ever needed it for an emergency.
They asked Lucas to leave soon, but Tyler didn't rush as he hugged his lover, he made out with him, and enjoyed him one last time before he had to wait five days for Lucas to be allowed to come over. And when he would come over, he could only stay for two hours, so Tyler made sure to get everything out of their goodbye. As many kisses, the longest kisses, and the longest hugs that he could get. They told each other how much they loved each other, Lucas told Tyler he was incredibly proud of him, Tyler apologized again for lying and for putting Lucas through this, Lucas told him that it was okay and that he should stop feeling guilty because he now had to focus on getting better, and eventually, after more kisses and hugs, after all of that, they waved one more time, and Lucas left.
//
Five days later, Lucas saw Tyler sitting on a bench outside in the garden, wearing sweatpants and a Metallica hoodie, a beanie, socks and slides. Tyler had specifically asked his family not to come the first day but the day after, so Lucas could visit him on his own that first day.
"Who's that handsome man?" Tyler heard and he looked up, smiling widely as he saw Lucas. "Baby", he said as he got up and he skipped towards him, hugging him tightly as they reached each other. "Gosh I miss you so much", Lucas whispered. "I miss you so much more, fuck", Tyler muttered. They pulled back a little only so they were able to kiss each other and they did so for a long time, deepening the kiss quickly, until they pulled back. "I feel like I'm dreaming that you're here", Tyler said. "Luckily you're not", Lucas smiled. "I'm really here. I am so glad I am", he sighed as he hugged his lover again.
They sat down and Tyler held Lucas's hand in his, loving how their skin tones complemented each other once again. He had missed seeing that even more than he did when he was on tour and Lucas wasn't there; Tour seemed to go by much faster, because he was always busy and going places, and texting and calling with Lucas, and he had his friends around him, and his fans. But here, it was much quieter, he was always in the same building or garden, the people around him were pretty quiet too, and he just had long and boring therapy sessions.
"So how are you doing baby?" Lucas asked. "Eh, I guess I'm hanging in there", Tyler said with a soft laugh. "It's... Not every day is too bad. Some are worse than others. It depends on what they try to make me do", Tyler said with a soft shrug. "The first day, after you left, they did this whole, like, examination of my body. They weighed me, and they are gonna do that every day. They will also measure, like, my waist and tummy area and my hips every day. Apparently I also have this thing called 'starved brain', which isn't too bad, my brain mostly survived I guess, but it's basically a type of brain damage I suppose", he shrugged. "Which I can recover from but it will take quite a long time. It's just... Loss of concentration, it caused this voice in my head that, like, tells me not to eat to be louder, uhm... They made me do a little test, like, a small thing I had to study for and I also had to remember several things and uh, it didn't go great", he said. "So if I were still a student, I would have issues studying, but not too bad. It didn't go great but it didn't go super badly either, it went somewhat okay", he said. "It's also sometimes hard to remember things. Memory loss, I guess, but also not too bad, just minor, but it does happen", he said.
Lucas let go of Tyler's hand and he pulled him close, cuddling his boyfriend against him. Tyler rested his head against Lucas's. "Yeah it kind of sucks", he sighed softly. "My blood pressure was way too low apparently, which made me just faint faster. I didn't faint since I got here though, which is good I think", Tyler said and Lucas nodded, pressing a kiss on his lover's hair. "That's really good. How's the temperature? You were always feeling cold, but you're sitting outside now", Lucas said. "Oh, yeah, uh... Well I'm still cold", he said with a soft laugh. "I just... The cold makes me feel alive, and I need that reminder when I'm here 'cause it's... It's hard, sometimes", he said softly. "It's not easy."
"I'm so proud of you for being here though, baby", Lucas said. "And for not giving up. I love you so much", he said. "I love you too", Tyler smiled softly as he kissed Lucas's lips. "I get a lot of different therapy types", Tyler said. "There's one on one therapy, and group therapy. Apparently, after a few weeks, they might plan family therapy too. I asked if you could be part of that and they said you could, since you're my partner", Tyler said. "And I also get MANTRA treatment, uhm... Cognitive behavioural therapy I think it's called, and uh... Dia- dialectical behaviour therapy? Apparently that makes me 'understand and accept my feelings' or something. And I got dietic advice, also for when I'll go home in a few months. Oh when I do go home, I have to report my weight and measure my waist each damn day", he said. "And I am also not allowed to exercise because they say that'll just make me continue to lose weight instead of gain it. I won't be able to exercise for a few months and after that, the doctor will decide that if I am allowed to exercise again, if it's for the right reasons. So if the doctor thinks it's only for my body, for my looks, then I won't be allowed to do so. But if it's for work, like how I need it to perform on stage, and my doctor will see that, then I can start workign out again after a few months", he said.
"I hope that you'll want to exercise for the right reasons, in a few months. Instead of just so you look a certain way. 'Cause you're beautiful regardless what your body looks like", Lucas said. "You don't even know what I was like before. You probably wouldn't have even talked to me or been interested in me if you knew. I never showed you pictures because I didn't want you to lose interest in me", Tyler said.
"I saw pictures anyways", Lucas said. "Michael and Mark showed me what you used to look like", he said. "Are you kidding me?! Why are they such fucking assholes!" Tyler raised his voice. "Hey, hey! Baby, don't do that", Lucas said. "Tyler, those pictures of you, from a few years ago; you are gorgeous in them. You look stunning. You never needed to lose any weight because you looked perfect. And no matter what your body looks like; you are always gorgeous to me, Tyler. But I will tell you that I prefer to see my boyfriend healthy, so I don't have to worry every day, instead of feeling you get thinner in my arms every week", he said.
Tyler was quiet; he didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. It hurt, but also made him feel loved. It was difficult; Lucas loved him no matter what, even when he wasn't as thin as he was now, but it was hard to believe it and he also hated that Michael and Mark showed his boyfriend pictures of what he used to look like without his consent. But he probably would've never given them permission to show Lucas these photos.
"Fuck", Tyler muttered. "I don't fucking know what to think, or to say. Fuck", he muttered. Lucas pressed kisses on Tyler's head. "Talk to me about the therapy you're getting. Just continue that, yeah?" He said and Tyler swallowed, but nodded. "Okay", he softly said.
"Uhm... They uh- they give body image workshops", Tyler said. "I don't like them, but I... I really am trying my best, Lucas", he said softly. "I... I wanna try my best for you. Do you believe me when I say that I am trying, for you? After I lied to you for so long and so often?" He asked. "I believe you", Lucas said. "Of course I believe you. I always will", he said. "So I didn't ruin your trust?" He asked. "No, you didn't, baby. I will always trust you. I just hope that you won't abuse that", he said. "I will try not to", Tyler said softly.
"Uhm... Oh there's this food exposure intervention thing that happened once. And I also get supported meals, where they sit next to me during each meal and each snack and they make sure that I eat but also, uhm... Provide emotional support, I guess", he said. "The first day, after two meals... I just burst out in tears", he said with a soft, but bitter laugh. "Gosh, it was fucking hard. I had to throw up twice, too. Not because I shoved my finger down my throat but because the amount of food, and seeing the food, just made me nauseous. And then I had to try again and it sucked", Tyler sighed.
"They said that they would teach my family how to give support during meals too but I told them they should probably tell my crew and you how to do it because I am always around either you or my crew. So they'll have Michael come in towards the end and teach him, and Jordan will come in to do so too. And I... I hoped you would consider doing that as well", Tyler said. "Of course, of course I will, Tyler. I'll do anything to help you", Lucas said and Tyler kissed him softly. "Even though I hate that someone sits next to me and watches me eat and makes me eat every time... I'm really truly fucking trying and I can't do it alone once I get out of here, I know I can't. So I am just- trying to reach out to you, and to my friends, before I'll change my mind when the time comes. If I don't do it now, and it's time to leave soon, then I might just decide that I don't want any help and then I'll fall back and won't get better. So... I'm trying to reach out to you now", Tyler muttered softly.
"That makes me really happy, Tyler", Lucas said. "That you want my help, and you want me to help you recover. I am really glad that you're reaching out", he said. Tyler sent him a soft, but short smile, but then just kissed his lover again.
"I hope you'll still love me after I get out of here", Tyler said softly. "'Cause I won't look as pretty as I still do now." "No, you won't", Lucas agreed. "You will look even more divine than you already do. You'll be impeccable once you recovered", he said. "Fuck", Tyler muttered, feeling the tears dribble down his cheeks. "I- you- fuck, Luke, I- what the hell did I do to deserve you? How did I even get you?" Tyler asked with tears in his eyes. "You were just you", Lucas said with a soft shrug. "Which is what I fell in love with. I fell in love with you, your face, but most importantly, what's inside of there. Your heart, and your soul, and your mind. That's what I fell in love with", Lucas said.
Tyler hugged his lover tightly. "I hope you'll never leave me", he whispered. "I hope you'll never leave me either", Lucas told him. "'Cause I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. Need you to be my forever", he said. "I promise I will be", Tyler said, tightening his hug. "I promise you I'll be yours forever. Marry me some day, yeah?" He softly said. "I will", Lucas told him.
//
Lucas and Tyler were now inside, playing a board game. "So what are they saying online about me?" Tyler asked. "There's a lot of speculation, a lot of fans worrying. They are trying to find answers", he said. "They're not getting any", Tyler replied. "I am not gonna tell anyone that out of all things, I fainted because I didn't eat", he muttered. "They can't know that I have this... thing. Uhm... anorexia", he said softly, kind of struggling to speak the word.
"What do they think it is?" Tyler asked curiously. "Some think you have an illness or something, that made you faint on stage. But there's people thinking you've got an addiction problem", he said. Tyler let out a laugh. "Addiction? To like, drugs and alcohol or something?" He asked and Lucas nodded. Tyler laughed softly. "Can't believe they're actually considering that to be an option. I can't imagine myself ever being addicted to drugs or alcohol", he chuckled.
"I mean, you kind of are addicted to cigarettes", Lucas said. "That's not the same", Tyler replied. "But they can be dangerous and they could kill you eventually, or make you sick, or-", he said.
"Okay, Lucas? Baby? I love you, so please, stop right now before I lose my temper and I tell them you're leaving early", Tyler said. "I don't want to send you away before our time is up but I can not have you do this right now", he said.
"I- I'm sorry, I'm sorry", Lucas said. "I- I didn't mean to upset you, Ty. I'm sorry", he said softly. Tyler sighed, before he got up and he walked around the table. He pulled Lucas close, who was still sitting on the chair, so his head rested against Tyler's tummy as Tyler hugged him. He then crouched down so he was almost at eye level with his lover. "Thank you", Tyler said softly. "Not gonna leave, alright? Not gonna let you leave either", he told Lucas as he realized that he had upset his lover by threatening to basically throw him out. He didn't want that; he needed any minute with Lucas that he could get, because he couldn't stay long. "I love you, Lucas", Tyler said. "I love you too, Tyler", he softly replied. Tyler kissed his lips. "Let's continue the game, yeah?" He asked as he looked into his lover's eyes, holding his hand. "Yeah, yeah okay", Lucas nodded softly. Tyler pressed a kiss on his forehead, before he got up and sat down on his chair again.
//
Josh hadn't been feeling good lately. He had Jenna, and he had Jonathon, and recently he even told his momma about having dark thoughts sometimes, when she noticed he was sad but she couldn't cheer him up. It had been difficult; it had hurt her, but she had been very supportive and sweet and Josh loved her for it.
He told her he didn't have to go to talk to someone; he didn't want his family to pay money for that. They had a family business which already verged a lot of effort, and he didn't want to bother them with extra costs for therapy either. He didn't tell her that sometimes he thought he'd be better off dead; just about his anxiety, and his depressive thoughts sometimes.
He knew that he could now talk to his momma, though. And if he was sad and he didn't want her to ask questions, but he did want her to hold him and cuddle him, she even did that, too. It made Josh feel safe.
But while Josh gained that; his momma's support, he lost something else; Tyler. Well, lost isn't totally the right word, but at least it felt like it to Josh.
Tyler hadn't posted anything in weeks. Nowhere. Not on Twitter, not on Instagram, not on tumblr, not on Facebook. Nowhere. His crew had been quiet, even on their personal accounts, his family online had been quiet, even Tyler's record label didn't post anything about him since his last tweet.
Josh felt empty. Usually there was something to be excited about - or, honestly, sometimes something to be worried about - when Tyler was there, posting, and Josh would be distracted and he would cling on to Tyler and he would know he would be okay as long as he had his music and Tyler himself. But Tyler wasn't there right now, and Josh struggled with it.
"I wish I could, like... I don't- I don't know. I wish I could just try and uh... write, I guess", Josh said softly. "Just to... to get it out, y'know? But... I don't even know how. I don't wanna write a poem, or a song, or a story. And I don't want to write in a diary. I wanna try to write it out but when I think of all the options, then there's no option that feels worth the try", Josh sighed a little frustratedly.
"Hm, that'll make things a bit more complicated, yeah", Jonathon said as he looked at his lover, who was sideways in his desk chair. He looked a bit frustrated and Jonathon put his history book that he'd been studying from aside. He rolled on his tummy, facing Josh.
"What if you write him?" He asked. "Write who? God?" Josh asked confusedly, a frown on his forehead. Jonathon let out a soft laugh. "No, not God", he chuckled. "I mean Tyler. Why don't you write Tyler?" He asked. "...how am I supposed to do that?" Josh asked confusedly. "Well, doesn't he have, like, I don't know. A fan mail address? Or a PO Box?" He asked Josh. "I- I don't know?" Josh said. "You never checked?" Jonathon asked. "Well, no! I never thought of that", he said. "Okay hold on, let me do a bit of searching", Jonathon said as he grabbed Josh's laptop that was on the bed as well, right next to him.
"Okay but what would I even write? To Tyler?" Josh asked. "I don't know. Anything you want, you can write to him", Jonathon said. "About what you feel, or about your worries for him, or something you remembered from when you met, anything at all", Jonathon said.
Josh thought about it, biting his lip. He could write his own boyfriend too, or Jenna, but they would read it right away and respond to it - obviously - but that wasn't exactly what Josh was looking for. He didn't want an immediate response, or a response at all. He wanted to write everything down and feel like he would be able to get it out, but it couldn't... it couldn't feel pointless. He didn't want to write for no one, or himself. But Jonathon's idea of writing to Tyler...
"Got it!" Jonathon exclaimed. Josh startled a little because he was so lost in thought, and he looked over at his lover. "You're kidding", Josh said. "Nope! It's right here. He once posted it on MySpace", Jonathon said.
"I'm sorry, MySpace?" Josh said as he lifted his legs off of the arm rest of his desk chair, so he sat in the chair the right way. "That's like, so ancient that the chance that that address actually still works is like, two percent!" Josh said. "Okay but would it be so bad if it doesn't work anymore?" Jonathon asked. Josh looked at him, a bit confused.
"Okay look", Jonathon said as he put Josh's laptop aside and he sat up, shuffling closer to the end of the bed where Josh was in the chair.
"You want to be able to write it down, right? But you don't want it to be...?" He said, nodding at Josh so he would fill in the blanks. "...pointless", Josh said. "Exactly. You don't want it to feel pointless so you don't want to write in a diary or to yourself. And I can imagine that you don't want to write to me or Jenna or someone you're close to either", he said. Josh nodded, happy that his lover understood that without Josh having to tell him.
"So you can write Tyler to his PO Box that's on his website. Maybe he'll receive it, read it, maybe he'll even answer. But if he won't, would it be that bad? You'd still be writing it down, getting it out, and you'd be talking to Tyler in these letters. If you leave off a return address, you'd never even know whether he received them or not, and you'd be able to keep writing letters once in a while. I mean, you can put your return address on there but that would kind of ruin it right? Because then you'd feel like you're pointlessly writing at no one again. But if you leave the return address off, either your letter will be received by Tyler, or it won't, but you won't know about it", Jonathon said.
Josh actually, somehow, felt like that could be good. He didn't need a reply from Tyler; that wasn't why he'd be writing. He'd be writing for himself but also maybe he'd write a letter about Josh's relationship with Tyler's music. And Tyler could read it, but Josh didn't need him to reply. He'd probably freak out if Tyler did and also, then he wasn't even sure if he would still have the guts to write to him.
"...okay, yeah", Josh said softly. "No return address. I'm- im gonna try that", he said. Jonathon smiled softly. "Jon, baby, I don't know how you always have the best ideas but I goddamn love you for it", Josh said as he hugged his lover, who kissed the side of his face. "I just try to be a good boyfriend", he said softly. "Because I love you a lot." "I love you so damn much", Josh sighed. They shared a soft kiss, and they then let go. Josh grabbed his laptop to see the address for himself.
"Wait! I got a notification from Tyler's Twitter!" Jonathon said. "What?!" Josh exclaimed as his eyes widened. He quickly went to Tyler's Twitter on his laptop, scrolling down, when he saw that it wasn't a tweet from Tyler; it was a retweet.
"I really thought he tweeted something himself", Josh sighed softly. "Me too, I'm sorry", Jonathon said but Josh shook his head no. "Don't be", he said. "Let's see..." he trailed, reading what the tweet said.
We're happy to announce that we found new dates for every postponed show, including the show that was cut short. @.tylerrjoseph will be back to finish his latest tour, starting the end of April. Check the link for the new tour dates. Tickets will remain valid!
"Wait there's another one", Jonathon said and Josh refreshed the page.
But that's not all! We're also excited to announce the Obviously Ohio tour in July, where Tyler will play seven shows across Ohio. Two in Columbus, then one show in Cleveland, Cincinnati, Toledo, Akron and Dayton. Tickets available this Friday! Check the link for the tour dates and tickets.
"In July?! Jenna wanted to go to Columbus with us in July!" Josh said. "Oh that would be perfect!" Jonathon said. "I- I still have to know for sure if I can come then, but I'll annoy my mom even more before Friday so we know if we can go with the three of us", Jonathon said and Josh nodded, wanting to call Jenna, but there was a third retweet.
Lastly, we are announcing Tyler Joseph's first European tour this fall! Tyler will play headline shows all across Europe from mid September to November. These tickets will also go on sale on Friday, and through this link, you can check tour dates and where to buy your tickets. Don't miss it!
"Jeez, he's really coming back with a bang, huh", Jonathon said. "...yeah", Josh trailed softly. "Uhm... the fact that we can go see Tyler in Columbus is- is amazing but- I hope he won't do too much", he said. "I mean- after three months of being away because he fainted... whatever the reason was, I feel like- like he should take some more rest? Not announce three tours instead? But- well I guess Tyler himself knows best", Josh said. "Yeah, we just gotta trust that", Jonathon said. Josh nodded softly. "Can... can you call Jenna?" He asked. "Yeah, of course, baby", Jonathon said. They shared a kiss, before Josh turned back to his desk where his laptop was now, and he typed the name of his favorite owl into YouTube.
Jonathon noticed that Josh was worried, and it made him a bit sad. Even the Ohio tour that they could probably go to wasn't cheering him up - probably also because Tyler didn't even announce it himself. His label did. That felt different. Tyler was still totally quiet.
//
At the end of the week, on Friday, Jenna and Josh asked their teacher if they could buy tickets at 10 AM and their teacher let them. They bought two tickets to both Columbus shows and the Cleveland show. Then they ordered three tickets for Cincinnati, Toledo, Akron and Dayton.
They had talked to Josh's parents, and because he'd be 18 this summer and it would be Jenna and Josh's goodbye before she left for college, they allowed them to go to Ohio. Jonathon couldn't go with them to Columbus and Cleveland, but would meet them in Cincinnati since they'd be visiting family before that, which meant he couldn't join the full trip. Josh was already glad he could still make it to half of their trip to Ohio; he needed to be part of the trip, whether he could be there every day or just half of the days.
Josh had used a lot of his savings from working at his family's business after school and during some weekends to buy all of these tickets, plane tickets and places to sleep, plus to rent a car with Jenna, but it was worth it. This was gonna be the highlight of their friendship and of their bond with Tyler and his music. They were gonna go to seven shows together before Jenna left for college; the best way to enjoy their summer together and say goodbye after.
Josh couldn't wait. This was gonna be the best summer ever.
~~
That's it for chapter 16! I can't wait to hear your opinion on it! Both of them are struggling right now 🥺 but joshie's feeling better because he's so excited!
What did you think? I'd love to hear from you! Let me know your thoughts! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please don't forget to leave that vote ♥️ and I can't wait to see you in the next one! Love you ♥️♥️