Hey friends! Thank you all for the many votes and comments on the last chapters! They make me so happy. I love seeing how much you guys enjoy this story! And I'm just really loving writing the back story of the things I mentioned in Celebrate. I'm really enjoying this story and writing it and seeing what you guys think. Makes me so happy! Thank you for everything & your continuous support guys ♥️ love you all so much.
Here's chapter 13 already! I wrote up to chapter 18 before I left for my holiday so we still got several chapters to publish!
Please keep up the voting and comments, guys! Makes me so dang happy. I'd love to hear what you think of this chapter! Much love from me ♥️ let's dive into it! Chapter 13. Here we go!
Word count: 5269
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Just an hour later, his alarm went off. Tyler woke up, feeling dreadful. He could hardly open his eyes, and he couldn't even reach over to turn the alarm off. Lucas sat up and reached over his boyfriend to the other side, shutting it off.
"Good morning, love", Lucas said as he kissed Tyler's lips. "Hi baby", Tyler muttered, still not opening his eyes. "Are you okay, baby?" Lucas asked worriedly. "Just- just tired", Tyler muttered. "Insomnia hit again."
"Wish that damn insomnia would give you a fucking break for once, why can't it just leave you alone", Lucas muttered. He knew about Tyler's insomnia, his anxiety, his depression, his suicidal thoughts; all of his mental health issues. Almost all of them.
"How long did you sleep?" Lucas asked. "An hour", Tyler said softly. "Fuck, Ty, that's way too short", Lucas said softly. "Let me call them and tell them you need a day off okay?" He said. "No, no no I need to go, I won't finish it if I don't. It's the first album with my label, I- I need to finish it. I have to go", he said softly.
"You're gonna overwork yourself, y'know that right?" Lucas said with a soft sigh. "It's just two more weeks", Tyler muttered. "Two more weeks of being in the studio almost every fucking day, then flying home and almost instantly going on tour again", his boyfriend muttered.
"My family asked if we were gonna come over for dinner today but I'll move it to a different day. You need to rest as much as possible today. I'm driving you to the studio and I'll be there and make sure you're okay, yeah?" Lucas said and Tyler nodded softly, too exhausted to argue. Lucas kissed Tyler's forehead. "Let me run you a bath. What temperature do you want?" He asked. Tyler thought about it. "Lukewarm", he said. He wanted a hot bath; he felt cold, but a warm bath wouldn't wake him up. A cold bath would be too cold, so lukewarm was the way to go.
Tyler felt Lucas get up from the bed when his eyes were closed again, and he heard the water being turned on. A while later, Lucas came back. He kissed Tyler's forehead again before he helped his boyfriend undress, and he lifted him up in his arms. Tyler wrapped his arms tightly around Lucas's neck, mindlessly kissing his lover's cheek and neck as he was carried to the bathroom. "Light as a feather", Lucas said softly, and it made Tyler smile softly.
He was lowered into the tub, and he looked up at Lucas. "Can you turn the lights off? They're really bright", Tyler said softly. "Of course", Lucas said and he did as he was asked. He kissed Tyler's lips, which Tyler returned. "I'm gonna get us breakfast okay? Will you be okay in the tub on your own?" He asked. Tyler nodded. "I'll be okay", he said. "I'll be back as soon as I can", Lucas said and Tyler nodded again.
Shortly after, Tyler heard Lucas leave the apartment. He enjoyed the bath; it woke him up more, and it smelled nice. Lucas had put some soap in the water, which Tyler enjoyed. He tried to breathe steadily, trying to take it slow that morning.
When Lucas returned, Tyler got out of the tub, while Lucas insisted on supporting him. Tyler was secretly glad that he did; he felt weak, especially after fainting again, and he was shivering as he got out of the tub. Lucas wrapped him up in a big, fluffy towel and dried his body, which made Tyler feel safe, and so domestic. He loved the feeling.
When he was dressed, wearing yet another hoodie, and he left the bathroom, he was less happy when he saw the breakfast on the table that Lucas had gotten for them.
There were bagels, some spreads and other things to eat on them. Tyler quickly realized that Lucas had gotten a couple of quick groceries when he went out, as he saw his lover open the fridge. "What do you want to drink?" He asked. "Uhm, coffee", Tyler said as he sat down at the table, feeling nauseous as he looked at the food. He reached out for a bagel and his hands were shaking. He quickly put it on his plate, not wanting his boyfriend to see it.
He grabbed a knife and sliced the bagel in half. Lucas sat opposite of him after he made two cups of coffee, giving one to Tyler. "Sugar, milk? Usually a bit of both right?" Lucas asked. "No just- just need it black right now", Tyler said as he grabbed it and he took a sip, the temperature of the coffee almost burning his lips, but he was so cold he didn't even care.
"What do you want to have on your bagel?" Lucas asked as he sliced open his own. "Uhm... I'm not sure", Tyler said softly. "I'm gonna go for cream cheese and salmon", Lucas said and Tyler looked up. "I think I'm gonna do that too", he said. They both prepared their bagel and Lucas closed it, but Tyler didn't. He ate half of the bagel, slowly; Lucas's bagel was already gone when Tyler was just halfway. He forced himself to eat half the bagel, even if he felt nauseous.
Lucas grabbed a second bagel. "Want another one too?" He asked. "No, no I'm full", Tyler said as he ate the last bite of the first half. Lucas looked at him and Tyler wondered why, but then he realized. "...after this half", he quickly added. "Just one bagel is enough", he said. Lucas nodded; eating one bagel wasn't weird, and Tyler sighed softly. He didn't want to eat the other half too, but he swallowed difficultly and put some cream cheese and salmon on it again, before he took a bite. His eyes were stinging and he had trouble swallowing the bites, but he tried to not let his boyfriend notice how much he was struggling.
Tyler always skipped breakfast, but he couldn't do that when Lucas was here. He would get worried again, and Tyler hated it when he was worried. He really didn't like it. It was evident the day prior; he told his boyfriend to fuck off and literally left the apartment when he said he was worried about him, so yeah. He didn't take that well, not at all.
Tyler noticed the time, and knew they had to leave. "Oh we have to go, right now", Tyler said, putting part of the bagel down. "Just finish your breakfast first, baby. They won't care if you're a few minutes later", Lucas tried, but Tyler shook his head. "I'll finish it there, we really have to go now. I'll get myself there if you don't want to go", he said as he got up, grabbed a small paper bag and shoved the part of the bagel that was left in it. He grabbed his backpack with everything he needed at the recording studio and when he was ready to go, he saw that Lucas was waiting by the door. "I'm coming with you", he said and Tyler nodded, turning off the lights before they left to go to the studio.
//
When Lucas was distracted, talking to Michael and Jordan, Tyler said he would go for a quick smoke. When he got outside, he tossed the part of the bagel away and smoked a cigarette, thinking of the vocals he had just done and how he needed them to be better. He wasn't satisfied; not at all. He was frustrated, which is why they let Tyler go outside for a smoke real quick, but they weren't having their break yet. It was too early for that.
Tyler returned and Lucas stopped him before he went back in. "Where's your food?" He asked. "I finished it outside", Tyler said, getting himself out of Lucas's grip before he went back to the booth where he recorded his vocals. "Let's do it from the start", Tyler said, before they tried the vocals again.
Some hours passed, and Richard pressed the button to talk to Tyler who was inside the booth. "Alright Tyler, let's take 30 minutes", he said and Tyler nodded, taking his headphones off and hanging them around the microphone stand. He left the booth and went into the room where the others were. "Hey, let's grab some lunch", Lucas said. "No no first I wanna show you that song I told you about!" Tyler said excitedly. "I'm not hungry anyways, we'll eat later", he said. "Ty-", Lucas tried. "Just let me show you the song! Jordan, Mike, I want you to hear it too", Tyler smiled, and Lucas sighed as he sat down. He wasn't happy with how Tyler was acting, but he pushed the thoughts away, focusing on what Tyler wanted right now, which was showing him the song.
"I will never be releasing this", Tyler laughed as he talked to Jordan and Michael. "Because it doesn't fit with my whole image and I don't wanna ruin my reputation buuut I think it's really fun and I want you guys to hear it too! So you know what kind of music I would also make and release if I could make all the music in the world", he laughed.
"Aw man, uncensored Tyler! I'm excited", Michael grinned. "You said you've been working on this after studio hours?" Jordan asked and Tyler nodded as he got behind the computer. "Yep! And it's about Lucas so maybe you wanna hold on to something", Tyler laughed, and it made Lucas smile too. "I'm excited to hear it", he hummed. "If you don't enjoy it then I'll probably cry for like three weeks straight", Tyler hummed, smiling cheekily at his lover. "Kiss me!" He said. Lucas laughed and he got up, then kissed his boyfriend. "Okay I'll play the track instrumentally and I'll sing using the mic right there", he said, pointing at a different mic from the one he'd been using in the vocal booth. This one was in the general recording area of the studio, where all the other instruments were too. "Because I'm definitely treating this like a performance", Tyler smirked.
"I am so ready for uncensored Ty", Jordan said. "Lucas must be the most excited", Michael said with a laugh. "Oh I am, believe me", Lucas said as he stood next to Michael, all three of them looking through the glass. "Haven't heard it yet, only Tyler's songs that he would actually release. I haven't heard uncensored Ty in music yet", he said. "Oh he can be a genius sometimes", Michael laughed. "He's done songs like this before but they weren't about someone in particular, at least not someone he was in love with. He's written a hate song in the past", Michael grinned.
"And they are fire", Jordan laughed, and so did Tyler, still using the computer to get the track ready. "Guys, don't ruin my innocence. Lucas thinks I'm very innocent", Tyler said. "Oh you are not innocent in the slightest", Lucas laughed. "I know your fans think you are, but I know you much better than that. You're a kinky motherfucker too", he said. "Okay too much info!" Jordan laughed. "Okay baby I love you but also don't ruin my innocence with my friends please!" Tyler laughed. He jumped up from the chair and kissed Lucas deeply. "Mike, hit play alright?" Tyler said and Michael nodded. Tyler went through the door to the other room on the other side of the glass, testing out the microphone. "Can you all hear me?" He asked. "Loud and clear!" Michael replied. "Alright Mikey, hit it", Tyler smirked.
The music started, and Michael, Lucas and Jordan looked at each other, already liking the sound of the intro. "Man I'm excited", Michael smirked. Tyler stepped closer to the microphone, lips touching. He looked at Lucas, smirked, before he started to sing.
"I wanna feel your teeth under your lips. Show me your scars; I wanna be your stitch. I wanna see you Friday for fish and chips", he sang, and Lucas smiled, remembering how that's what they ate the first day, when they met. "I wanna be your boyfriend, wanna be your bitch", Tyler said. "Oh man I love him", Jordan laughed, clapping his hands together.
"Can I drink from your cup? Can I eat from your dish? Run my hair through your fingers like a cat with an itch? I could be your mask, you could breathe me in. On the tip of your tongue, I'll be listening", Tyler sang. Lucas smirked widely, not breaking eye contact with his boyfriend.
Tyler grabbed the microphone, getting it out of the mic stand so he held it in his hand. He moved to the music, walking around as he grabbed the cable that was attached to the microphone, holding it in his other hand as he moved around.
"Every night and every day, I wanna hang on every word you say. Under our skin, we're both strange. It's in our blood, it's in our DNA. Under our skin, we're both the same. It's in our blood, it's in our DNA", he finished the chorus.
"Now comes my favorite verse", Tyler smirked, winking at his boyfriend, licking his lips before he sang again.
"My clothes love being on your floor. They don't care where they fall", Tyler sang, moving to the music, giving Lucas bedroom eyes, licking his lips again, and man did Lucas hate and love how Tyler was teasing him, feeling his body react to Tyler's lyrics, his voice, his movements, his teasing.
"'Cause you're the peace that ends the war. The first line, the curtain call", Tyler sang.
"We could just go out, or be lazy, or kick off our shoes and get crazy", he continued. "I want to be this strange when we're eighty, so let's see what we can do right now, baby", he sang, and Lucas breathed in sharply, biting his lip as he stared into his boyfriend's eyes.
"Every night and every day, I wanna hang on every word you say. Under our skin, we're both strange. It's in our blood, it's in our DNA. Under our skin, we're both the same. It's in our blood, it's in our DNA", Tyler sang, and the song ended.
Jordan and Michael cheered, laughing, loving how much riskier Tyler's lyrics were if he could write everything under the sun, but Lucas didn't cheer. Don't get him wrong; he loved it, but he was too frustratedly turned on to act like nothing was wrong.
Tyler smirked, putting the microphone back before he left the room. Lucas grabbed him, pulling him against him and Tyler gasped, instantly turned on as his boyfriend pulled him close. Their lips crashed against each other and Jordan whistled. "Get a fucking room!" Michael laughed, and Tyler smirked at them. "Let's move this somewhere else, hm?" he said to Lucas, who nodded, pushing the door open and Tyler giggled as he and his boyfriend stumbled to the bathroom.
Tyler was against the wall as Lucas kissed and bit down his neck, and Tyler let out a soft moan, smiling as he held his boyfriend close, his head tilting to the side so he could give his lover better access. "Fuck me", Tyler moaned softly. "And make it quick", he added. "My fucking pleasure", Lucas muttered as he started undoing Tyler's belt.
//
Luckily, Richard and the other men returned a bit later than they said they'd be back, which meant that Tyler and Lucas were back in the studio before them, acting like nothing happened when they came back. Except for them glancing at each other, smiling and Tyler letting out a soft giggle as Lucas licked his lips, they didn't let anything notice.
Jordan and Michael obviously already knew what happened, but didn't mention it when the other men were around. They knew what Tyler was like, but they weren't gonna tell them that Tyler was slightly more unprofessional than they thought he was in the studio. And Tyler was just really fucking glad that no one walked into the bathroom when they were in there.
After a few hours, they had another break and Tyler was exhausted. Lucas asked if Tyler wanted to eat something but he didn't, saying he was too tired to do so. He gave Tyler a smoothie, which Tyler accepted and drank. "You should take a nap", Lucas said. "I can't do that here", Tyler said. "Of course you can. You're not gonna be able to function once they come back if you don't rest now, and if you won't function properly than you're gonna beat yourself up about it. So lie down on that couch, and try to take a nap", Lucas said.
"He's right, Ty", Michael said. "Just try it, alright? It'll be good for you", Jordan added. Tyler hesitated, but then agreed, and he got down on the couch, using a pillow from the couch to rest his head on, and Lucas gave Tyler a blanket. They kissed softly, before Tyler used the blanket to cover his head as well, so it woud be a bit darker.
Lucas, Jordan and Michael left the studio, and when it was quiet, Tyler was able to fall asleep. Lucas and the guys grabbed some food as they hadn't done so in the last break, and they could also give Tyler time to take a proper nap that way. They returned as late as possible without actually being late, so Tyler would have the most time to sleep that he could get at that point, and when they returned Lucas was happy to see that Tyler had indeed fallen asleep.
He gently ran his fingers through Tyler's hair, letting him sleep until the men returned from their break. Only then did they wake Tyler up after Michael told them that Tyler had been exhausted, but they didn't seem to mind that he took a nap at all. "We've seen much worse", one of them said with a chuckle, and another guy said it was better to rest and be energized for the next few hours, than not rest and be exhausted and not be able to function.
Tyler was happy they didn't mind either; he didn't want to come off as unprofessional towards them, so he had been hesitant but quickly realized that functioning properly and getting this album done was more important than looking unprofessional to anyone in that room.
//
"Josh, we should go on a trip", Jenna said. "To where? When? Aren't you supposed to focus on getting through your final year?" Jenna asked. "Not now, silly. Next summer, after I graduate. We should go on a trip", she said. "You and me?" Josh asked. "You, me and Jon. The three of us, together, before I go to college. You'll be 18 right before the summer starts", she said. "Before I'll start college", she said. She was excited to go to college; she'd be studying several languages including sign language, because she wanted to become an interpreter.
"Like, to say goodbye before you're off to live your life without me?" Josh said. "I won't be living my life without you, Josh", she said. "You're always a part of it. But we're gonna see each other less and because of that, we should go on a trip together. You'll be 18, Jon and I will be there too and we're also both old enough; your mom always said that as long as you're not 18, she wouldn't allow it but you will be 18 then so she'll have to let us go. Besides, it would be our last chance to go somewhere before college starts so basically she has no choice", Jenna shrugged.
"I would love it if we could really go somewhere together next summer", Josh said. "Will probably be my best summer ever. We should think of where we would like to go together", he said.
"New York or Orlando or Seattle or Las Vegas would be so cool", Jenna said. "But I don't think your mom would allow us to go to Las Vegas so maybe not that one", she laughed. "Or even Columbus! We could go to all the places Tyler always goes to", she said with a grin. "Honestly I would actually like that", Josh laughed. "The coffee house from that one video online, and that smoothie bar he's tweeted about for years, and also the zoo where they did that day-off video! That would actually be super fun. We would get to see Tyler's hometown with our own two eyes", Jenna said with a grin.
"Man don't get me too excited. It's fucking Columbus, why the heck as we so excited to go to Columbus", Josh laughed. "I don't know but I wanna go now!" Jenna chuckled. "Okay let's- let's grab your laptop and see where we could go. Also let's ask Jon if he'll be in or out", she said. "I already know the answer to that. He's definitely coming", Josh said.
//
The last two weeks in Los Angeles flew by. Tyler was exhausted, but he had finished the album, he'd spent time with Lucas and his family, they had walked Pumbaa and they'd visited their beach several times. There were good memories, but always that memory of Tyler yelling at Lucas to fuck off and not touch him and leave him alone and he hated that that had happened.
They got home, but just for a few days. Tyler was already getting back in his tour bus the day his album was released. They would be driving to Washington, where his tour was going to start. They had divided the States in half; the east and the west half. The were gonna tour the west half in November, while they would tour the east half in January.
Jenna, Josh and Jonathon had tickets to the show in Los Angeles, which was going to be in a room with a capacity of 3000 people. They couldn't believe that the venue was already going to be so big, and on top of that, it actually sold out, too. It was definitely noticable that Tyler had been signed to a label.
Jenna and Josh were going to a second show, in San Diego again. Once the album dropped, Jenna and Josh listened to it together and they danced and cried and hugged and felt every emotion under the sun, but they experienced it together, and it was one of the best and most fond memories that Josh had of him and Jenna. They learned the lyrics before the show, and Josh could not stop talking about Tyler's new album to Jonathon.
The day of the Los Angeles concert came around, halfway November, and Tyler played several new songs, while also playing the more classic songs.
"Just in case you missed it, and you don't recognize some of these songs", Tyler said as he was on stage, while Jenna, Josh and Jonathon were somewhere in the middle of the crowd. "I released a new album a few weeks ago. It's called No Below and you can buy it at the merch stand, or on my website, or stream it on any streaming platform of your choice. A few of the songs I just played off of the new album, I already played here in LA during previous shows. But here's a brand new one that you haven't heard live yet", Tyler said. "It's called Do You Really Wanna Know."
Josh and Jenna cheered and jumped up and down excitedly, and Jonathon still enjoyed watching Josh get excited more than anything.
"I have been overthinking all my life. They'll ask me up in Heaven why I fell on my knife", Tyler started to sing the new song. "All of my emotions, they're technically right, but I don't wanna go there and mess up your night. No, nothing's wrong, I just wanna take a walk. Feels like you ask me every time we talk", he sang.
"Jump, jump, jump, jump!" Tyler yelled, before he started the chorus, jumping together with the crowd. "Do you really wanna know what I'd change about myself? Do you really wanna know who's been messing with my health? We could get into my head, or just spend the day in bed. Do you really wanna know what I'd change about myself?" He sang together with the crowd.
"I go out collecting all of my thoughts. They start to hit my head with such a violent force. All of my emotions, they're technically right, but I don't wanna go there and mess up your night. Open your arms, so I've got somewhere to hide. The world is ending, so take me for a ride", he sang, before he went back to the chorus again.
"I was lost, going round and round. Asked for the truth; look who I found", he sang, before the lyrics was sung one more time, and the song was over. They cheered loudly, loving the new song and the energy behind it, and while the music was different from what Tyler released on his own, it was definitely still Tyler and Josh loved it. He would love everything that Tyler would ever release; he was sure of it.
At the end of the show, Tyler sat behind his piano as he played some chords, and some notes. It was slow, it was soft, and they thought Tyler would speak like he usually did, but instead, he sang.
"If you put up, put up with me, I'll put up, put up with you", he softly sang. When he wrote the song in LA, he intended for it to be more upbeat and danceable, but Tyler was missing Lucas, and he wished he could be with his lover, and so he played a slow, soft, piano version this time.
"We say things we never mean. Can you put up, put up with me? I don't like myself, but maybe you do", Tyler softly sang, slowly playing the piano, and Josh's heart pounded in his chest as he held his breath, hearing the sad words that came from Tyler's lips. "If you don't like yourself, I'll never stop doing it for you. I don't like myself, but maybe you do. If you don't like yourself, I can carry your paracetamol blues", he softly sang.
The crowd cheered, and Tyler smiled softly, still playing piano but not signing anymore. "That's a song I wrote too late", Tyler said. "Too late to get on the new album. I've been very inspired lately, which means there's a whole stack of new songs waiting for me to go through them and decide what could and couldn't be a song for yet the next album. But don't get your hopes up just yet; there won't be a new one any time soon, at least not for like a year. After that, I'll see where things go", he said, still playing the piano.
"But I hope that, regardless of what happens, you'll be here next time. I always love LA; I want to keep coming back as often as I can. Will you allow me to come back?" He asked, and the crowd cheered. "Maybe next time, we can find an even bigger room to play", he said, and the crowd cheered again. It made Tyler smile.
"Y'know... being on the road can be lonely", Tyler said. "You start to miss your loved ones; your friends and family. But then I play a show like this, like the one today, with you guys; and I'm not lonely. You're my friends and family. You make being on the road way less lonely", he said. "Thank you for that. I got one last song for you and then I'll have to go, but I'll be back next tour. I promise you that. I hope you'll be back here too. I love you", Tyler said, before he played No Below.
"True, I once said I was better off just being dead, better off just being dead, but I didn't know you yet."
After the show, the friends bought merch and Jenna got the vinyl, but she and Josh both had already preordered the CD so they already had them. They went outside and waited with a group of other fans, but Michael came out to tell them that Tyler wouldn't be coming out to meet fans that night, and Josh felt disappointed.
"Well we're gonna have to get used to not being able to meet Tyler after every show anymore", Jenna said. "If we ever get to meet him at all in the future."
"Hey don't lose hope, maybe Tyler's just tired or he has to leave quickly or he's not feeling well or something!" Jonathon said, giving Jenna a soft shove as he saw how much it was affecting Josh, so she would notice too, and she did. "You're still going to San Diego. Maybe he'll come out then, who knows, right? There's always a chance! I can't imagine him just not ever coming out to meet fans anymore after he used to do that so often. I think there might've just been a reason why he hasn't done so today but maybe in San Diego he will", Jonathon said.
"Yeah you're right!" Jenna said, seeing how sad Josh became. "He wouldn't just stop doing that, even if he has a record label now. You're totally right", she said.
"I hope so", Josh mumbled. He didn't want it to affect him so much, but it did, and he didn't like it. He had just really hoped that he would get to hug Tyler again, because he hadn't been feeling great lately. It wasn't the first time he wasn't feeling great, but it just felt like it was worse lately. Jonathon tried everything to make Josh smile, and it worked sometimes, but not every time. "I'm sure you'll get to meet him again, baby. Don't lose hope, yeah?" Jonathon told him as he pressed a kiss on his lover's hair. "Alright", Josh sighed softly.
~~
Ahh poor Joshie is worrieeeeed & I love the idea of 'uncensored Tyler' having all these songs that he won't release haha I'll be adding some more in the future, I have some nice plans for it!
So what did you think of this one? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! Thank you for all of your support. Really looking forward to your comments and please keep leaving votes! Means the world to me!
Until next chapter! ♥️♥️