Remus had been suspicious since the beginning of the school year but, as his friends, we believed him and never questioned him, but now later on into the year, it was assumed by Lily's strange attitude, and by what she says to Remus when she thinks no one can hear, that she knows some big secret.
Honestly, it was such a Lily thing to not be told anything, but to find out through wonderful intelligence anyways. Now, as I was a decent person, I was decent enough to give her a few weeks before springing up some questions.
"Hey Lils, how's Remus? I asked innocently. I hoped that I was not too obvious with the fact that I wanted some specific information, so I sprung up the question rather suddenly into conversation. However, she only looked at me oddly and said, "Fine why'd you ask, don't you want to ask about me?"
She fluttered her eyelids and smiled charmingly, and I did laugh, but replied genuinely, "I just haven't seen him today." Lily blinked and opened her mouth but nothing came out, a second later she said, "Yeah he has a cold and his mother, monthly visit you know." I grinned and nodded, like it was some kind of inside joke, "I know." I winked. Lily giggled at the comment and nodded happily.
"Are you girls coming to Potions or what? You just gonna stand there and talk all morning?" James asked us, sauntering out of the Great Hall. Myself and Lily stood up from our bench place, noticing most people on their way to their lessons, and only a few of our friends remained like us three, and Sirius milling around the door waiting for James. Lily and I walked towards him and out of the Hall down into the dungeons, the boys close behind us.
Waiting outside for Slughorn with the rest of the Gryffindor first years, and the Ravenclaw first years, I walked up to Evelyn - finally - and her friends. "Hi Evelyn," I started, trying to diffuse the tension and silence, and to start a conversation. Evelyn smiled awkwardly at me and waved slightly, looking at her two friends.
Dorcas, however, was a warm and bubbly person, so she smiled brightly and said, "Hello Athena, how are you today? And how's Lily too, I forgot to talk to her yesterday at the library I hope she's not mad." I shook my head politely at the girl and replied, "No Dorcas, of course she isn't mad at you, and we're both fine thank you."
I turned back to Evelyn and opened my mouth to speak, but Slughorn was walking down the stairs and opening the classroom door, ushering us all to go in. I walked in with the rest of the class, and decided to sit next to Alice, half- listening to Slughorn, half watching Pandora fiddle with her bracelets and whisper to Evelyn about something.
I knew I was going to be in a state of ignorance and daydream for longer, but Alice nudged me and pointed to the front.
Slughorn was setting pairs, and he said, "For now up until your first year exams, I will be setting you in a pair and in this pair, you will be studying together and working on all of your projects slash potions together. The list goes as follows," Slughorn was listing off pairs and it was going to be a while until he got to the 'P's'.
He eventually he got to my name, and announced, "Athena Pattinson with Remus Lupin." I sighed in relief, I was content with this pairing and I was happy that he was my partner, but there was also the situation that I needed to tell him.
Only problem was, according to Lily, he was with his mum and not in the school and I couldn't tell him. Then, there was also the small problem that every month without fail, he left the school to visit her and that meant that any potion or project we needed to do, I would have to do a lot of it. If he wasn't here on a project day then I would have to do everything by myself and although his situation might be bad, doing school work on your own was worse.
Especially when you didn't understand it.
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It was a few days since Remus had left and this morning, he came back only with a small scar on his right cheek, and every time he laughed or smiled he winced. He thought I wouldn't notice, but of course I did. What I also noticed was that Lily had whispered something to him when he walked back in, but he shushed her and they talked in the corner out of listening reach.
See, I wasn't nosy exactly, I just don't like to be left out of any secret. It also helps if you have more people to help you.
"Hey Remus I need to talk to you," I shouted over the common room noise. I saw he paled a little and looked worried so I tried to smile warmly but I don't think it worked very well. He walked over to me and said quietly, "What is it Athena?" I felt sorry for him, not pity because that would be mean, I was just annoyed at the world that something pained him so much he was scared that anyone wanted to talk about it.
He was such a nice person I was concerned at what worried him. "Don't sound like that Remus, I'm not that scary, it's just, Slughorn partnered us up in Potions so any studying or projects we would need to do together, okay?" I said, trying to sound light and friendly, not anxious or confused.
Remus visibly relaxed, his shoulders less tense and then I couldn't take it anymore. Friendship secrets or not, I wanted to ask, wanted to help. "Are you okay Remus, is your mum okay?" I asked.
Remus nodded, his eyes panicked, and then he said hurriedly, "Sorry I have to go, we're both fine, I need to talk to someone, elsewhere." I closed my eyes and and let out a small sigh, opening my eyes again and thinking to myself. That was all I had to do nowadays, when people just took off like that.
Remus said exactly what I said to Dorcas a few days earlier and that was a lie to be honest. I was not fine, it was obvious why, and as for Lily, I had no idea anymore, I knew her talking about her sister was painful. She was also very stressed about exams and she was worried for her friend.
Looking back on my conversation with Remus, I spotted all of the lies, it was easy in hindsight. As they say, hindsight is a wonderful thing. I knew he was lying when he said he was fine, I knew he was worried about talking to me, or more specifically not about me, but what I was going to say. I also now saw that he needed someone and I told myself that it must have been Lily, it looked like she was the only one in here that knew truly what was going on.
I understood.
There was things I told nobody like years ago, I never told anybody that I was friends with Evelyn Green, and I told nobody that I secretly hated all of the classes I went to and all of the classy proper Pureblood things my parents made me do. Everyone has secrets and I respect that he doesn't want to tell anyone, in fact, I really wouldn't care that he was hiding something but, I could see that it was bothering him and that's what got to me.
Walking towards the group of boys who were sat on chairs, I saw them all with their heads together whispering things to each other. I murmured, "Boys, what're you doing?" Three out of the four jumped at my voice, but the other sat back in his chair casually like he'd heard me coming a mile away.
I looked over Peter's shoulder and saw a piece of paper with writing on it and tried to look closer. Sirius, however, blocked my view, but James pushed him to the side saying, "Sirius please she's practically one of us. Just because it's you Thea, you can see our little project."
I raised my eyebrow, not knowing if I liked him saying 'one of us' I definitely did not like the mischief behind them words. I said, "I'm so grateful Potter. What is this? The Marauders, what's that, a rebel group of four nearly teenage boys?" They all grinned at it, but Peter hushed me whispering, "Nobody can know yet, it's like our secret name."
"Yeah but, what if it defines you guys? Like when The Beatles started, they didn't hide who they were, you boys should say it proud every time you do whatever it is you do best," I pronounced. James rolled his eyes at me like I was stupid, and then spoke, "We do pranks dummy but thanks for that idea, yeah, the Marauders, has a nice ring to it." I remembered that day when we was passing notes in Transfiguration and I got Remus out of detention, he came up with that name.
Sirius asked, "Thea, would you like to join this rebel group of four nearly teenage boys?" I chuckled and thought about the offer, I would have loved to but, getting into trouble every time they did anything and I wasn't involved, but only because I was tied with the word Marauders, was not worth it.
I shook my head, "Thanks but no thanks, I'd rather be an assistant, my own boss you know. Get detentions on my own and not because of you lot." I heard a sudden loud and probably intentional cough, and turned to see Lily giving me an knowing look and then Remus the side eye, she knew something and I wasn't letting it go that easily.