19.3 Kal And Lou (1)
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She had planned to stay in Kirok for three days, but within two days, Lilian decided to move to the capital of Mach. Aside from not being able to eat properly, the weather in Kirok was unbearable.
Mach's sun was intense, but not as pleasantly intense as Sorta. It was difficult to stay outside for a long time in the intense sunlight and the heat that covered the body that seemed to burn a person.
There seems to be a lot of strange things here and there, but it didn't catch her eye. She couldn't understand how the Machians walked around outside.
Lilian is already missing Sorta. She thought Denise wouldn't have liked Mach either.
"By the way. The weather doesn't change much even if you go to the capital. Because it is inland, I actually liked the capital more."
Mary Ann made a dying sound in the carriage at Keana's words.
"But you'll get used to it in a little while. I really want to go back to Croysen, too."
"Is that possible?"
"I think we can do a little better to please the Emperor..."
Clyde, who was sitting next to Keana's, shook his head.
"I'm not good enough, but since the Emperor favors you, you can go back."
"No, did you mean to like me? It was to be blessed by the Emperor of Mach, for us to get married legally. I got married to you, thanks to her. Well, now that you mention it, you wanted to have a good time with me, right?"
"Some people are listening, but you..."
At Keana's words, Clyde's blunt face turned red. Jane burst into laughter when she saw it.
Clyde, who had just arrived in Kirok, had to sit back in the carriage he had been riding in because Lilian and the others had decided to leave Kirok earlier. But he didn't seem to mind at all.
He was very different from what she had seen at a dinner in Purtu before. He didn't look like that at that time. Maybe it's because Keana was next to him, so he looked different, Lilian thought.
And he was particularly uncomfortable with Lilian. Every time they made eye contact, he didn't know what to do. Lilian thought he was just making himself difficult because she was the Empress.
"Anyway, I was afraid that the Emperor of Mach would be too interested in Her Majesty, so I just told her that a close friend was coming. It would be less interesting if I let her know in advance."
"Is Emperor Mach such a peculiar woman?"
"Haven't you heard? She's so capricious... She even had to change over ten people in the past ten years alone. Three of them cut their own throats."
Lilian just shook her head. She's been living a very closed life to know all the gossip about Emperor Mach.
"Still, there is no one who can do sea magic aside from her, so no one can say anything about it if she did it her way. Who will calm that sea? It's like a magic that comes out once in a hundred years."
Lilian also knew that in Mach which was surrounded by the sea, no one could beat the Mach's royal family, who were strong in sea magic.
"Be careful, no matter how much the Emperor favors you, she won't let you go."
"So, don't do it here. Look elsewhere but here."
"You see me every day."
"And you react the same every day."
Clyde and Keana quarreled well together. Enough to bring back memories similar to those two long ago that had been kept deep in Lilian's heart.
Looking blankly at the two, Lilian turned her head and looked out of the window at Mach's exotic trees.
She didn't know much about Mach, but she heard of it a little from Karloi. Karloi said he came to Mach many times when he was young. Asher was also brought in at that time, and on one occasion, he even voluntarily participated in Mach's war.
Did Karloi like this kind of place? Or was it a feeling that anywhere is better than Purtu? She should've seen him for the last time.
Lilian regretted it a little. As she gets farther away, she realizes that she will never see him again. Karloi doesn't keep his promises so well, so it would have been good if she came to check him out for the last time.
"I had nothing to protect, nothing I wanted to protect."
"Your name is pretty. Although Lou suits you better. It's a name that reminds me of rain."
Tears became cold in her eyes at the sudden sound of his voice. She couldn't figure out why.
She doesn't know what he means to her anymore, let alone what the hell she is to him. Denise now sits firmly in her heart, and Karloi, who could not stay anywhere, was rich in her heart.
The excitement she felt when she was young was that she thought it was a young love. She never thought it was love that had been shaken by her in Purtu. At that time, there was nowhere to lean on. It was because she had neither the energy nor reason to push out Karloi, who was the only one in hell who came in the form of hope. Only Karloi was the warmth that reached her.
How did she and Karloi end up with nothing but each other... She hated and resented it to death, and then hung up and tried to confirm it.
She still can't completely erase him. It's not clear whether it's feelings like regret, hatred, or longing, but in one way or another, he left an indelible mark on Lilian's body and mind.
"Don't call me by that name."
"Don't say the name my mother used to call me."
Maybe she knew why her eyes kept getting cold. She could have liked the way he called her name, and she could have remembered Karloi's voice pleasantly whenever others called him. But it didn't happen that way. Because she had to tell him to stop doing it. It couldn't be like this, but she ended up like this.
However, it was sad that no one was at fault in all these results.
"Your Majesty... Are you okay?"
Suddenly, Keana asked in surprise when she saw Lilian shedding tears quietly. Lilian only shook her head without saying a word.
She envied Clyde and Keana. They can be together without bending, without hatred.
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What Keana had said that the capital is not that much different is half right and half wrong. Overall, it was true that it was not much different from Kirok. But it was interesting. Even though it was inland, there were attractions using water all over the city. It was clear that it was a sight nowhere to be seen.
But it was even more unpleasant than Kirok. After seeing slave auctions and cruel entertainment held in the center of the city, she felt sick. She felt sorry for Asher who must have rolled in such a place.
The Machians' voices were so loud and rough that Lilian would be startled whenever they passed by. The food in the capital had the same strange and strong taste as that in Kirok, so she chose to eat at Keana's mansion.
She even thought that Purtu is better than here. She meant it, Croysen was more beautiful than this place.
"Actually, I thought that everything my mother wanted would be worthwhile in its own way... But I don't think that's the case."
Reading Denise's letters again on a luxurious bed, Lilian said.
"Some of the things she wrote down, there must be some that are not as bad as this one."
The world was wide and there were many things she didn't like. But the experience itself was not bad. It was new to her to find out what she disliked and liked."
"Honestly, I think Denise wouldn't like it here either. She wouldn't have been here for three days."
Mary Ann, who had become haggard in a few days, muttered in her helpless voice and handed the medicines to Lilian. Now, she doesn't mind taking medicine every day. She hasn't had a nightmare at Mach yet. Lilian shook off all the vials and sighed.
They said there was still a lot left to see, but she wasn't attracted at all. She wanted to go back. She just doesn't know where she's going to go back.
"Your Majesty."
Keana knocked on the bedroom door and came in with a book. That title seemed to last until the end.
"I have something to tell you... Huh? What's this picture? Who was it?"
Keana, who came close to the bed, asked when she saw Denise's painting lying next to her.
"My mother."
"Oh, no wonder I thought she looked like Your Majesty somehow."
It may be a lie, but Keana's words comforted her. Lilian didn't want to look like the Duke of Delua.
"Who drew this? Oh, it's an oil painting. It's amazing."
"I did."
"It was Your Majesty?"
Keana's voice grew as if she were genuinely surprised.
"Yes. Is it strange?"
"No, I didn't know you were into painting. And it's even oil painting. In Croysen, even painters don't paint very well."
"I learned it in Sorta. I haven't been able to draw that well since I just learned it."
"There is no need to draw so well, right?"
Lilian smiled.
"It sounds like I don't have to draw very well."
"...You're not going to do it as a job, are you?"
"Yes."
"Then you did a great job."
At Keana's candid evaluation of her, Lilian burst into laughter. It was also true that Olivia praised her excessively.
"What do you mean you have something to tell me?"
"Oh, it's..."
All of a sudden, Keana looked at Lilian's countenance like a child.
"What's the matter?"
"I heard this from Clyde's visit to the palace, and I thought it would be better for you to know."
Keana continued cautiously.
"The Emperor is coming to Mach. From Croysen..."
The only Emperor to come from Croysen was Karloi. Lilian asked with a silly look on her face.
"Who? Kal... Karloi is coming?"
"Yes, I thought he'd be there in a few days because of the regular meeting... He's supposed to be sending someone else, but he's coming in person this year."
He wouldn't have come knowing Lilian was here. Alexis said he didn't want to talk about Lilian's journey and route.
"But you won't run into him. He'll only be staying at the Mach palace."
Keana seems to think Lilian is worried about that, but Lilian didn't know if she wanted to face Karloi or avoid him. Maybe it's both.
"...Are you all right?"
"Yes."
Lilian was absentminded for a moment and slowly turned her head towards Keana.
"You and Lord Clyde... You looked happy."
Keana blushed at the unexpected words.
"Oh, did we show you something ugly? I'm sorry."
"No, not at all. You both looked amazing. Trusting each other, liking each other, and doing that."
Keana blinked a few times and answered slowly.
"We do now, but we've had all sorts of things. Clyde even though I truly loved the Emperor and called me a traitor. No, he didn't even believe me even if I told him to wait... That bastard."
"Really?"
Keana shrugged her shoulders.
"Saying 'I love you'... Doesn't solve everything. On the contrary, there were many times when I made everything complicated. If it wasn't for love, things that would have been simple things, simple problems would get worse... We were lucky though."
Lilian brooded over the words. Looking at Lilian, Keana held out the book she was holding.
"This is the last volume. But it worked better than you thought, didn't it?"
It was a ridiculous book.
"...Where did you get this kind of book?"
"I found it in my mother's belongings. It's like a novel written by her boyfriend. Didn't even publish. So I have no choice but to keep it to myself."
Lilian was surprised by the unexpected source and looked up at Keana. Keana had a hard look on her face to read what was on her mind.
"I guess he didn't have any money, so he wanted to break through the path with this... Unfortunately, he died before he could publish it. I'm so sad and angry that because of him, I lost my mom, but I'm just so excited to read this."
A silly laugh leaked from Keana.
"I can't believe she loved a man who could barely make a living by doing these things, so she died in the end... Leaving me behind. I was absolutely dumbfounded. But the story was amazing, so I ended up getting angry and all the other thoughts disappeared."
Even Mary Ann was listening to Keana with bated breath.
"By the way, in the last volume of this book, there is a phrase like this: 'Even so, if I was still alive, I would love you.' I also wondered what kind of love story it was because it didn't fit in with a novel like this... I didn't understand at that time because I don't know anything about love."
Keana's expression felt a little sad.
"Now that I think about it, I think that's the only phrase he wrote sincerely in this novel. That's why he risked his life to love my mother..."
Keana glanced at Denise's painting.
"And me too. I hated my mom so much, but I think I'll love her again if she was alive. If only she was alive... I mean. Well, I don't know why I'm being like this."
Keana smiled slightly at the end of her sentence, as if it was a habit.
"Oh my God, I've been talking too much nonsense, haven't I? You must be tired, so go to sleep."
Keana said goodbye and left the bedroom. Lilian was left alone in the bedroom when Mary Ann followed Keana out. She was alone so she could not escape the thought of Karloi.
That night Lilian couldn't sleep easily and tossed and turned. She had obviously ended up with everything with Karloi and left, but it didn't feel like that at all. It was as if a homework that she had not finished was following her.
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