I forgot to include my inspo for Merlin. Look past he fact that this fanart is technically of Jshlatt, this is the vibe I was going for.
Anyway here is part 2
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"How the hell did Merlin know before us?" Arthur yelled as his Knights ran around preparing for a counter attack. Just as Merlin had feared Saxons had attacked the outer regions. Rumours were spreading that they were being funded by Cenred and led by Morgana. Two of Camelot's worst enemies working together. Great!
"I told you Princess he is a God. He could probably sense the magic being used by Morgana." Gwaine yelled back, struggling with his armour. Merlin went to help him, oddly calm despite the threat of a war but Gwaine brushed him away.
"And before you say, no it wasn't willingly. It's like a sixth sense. So you don't have to figure out how to imprison a god just yet."
With that he picked up his sword and stormed out of the armoury, dozens of eyes watching him as he left. Merlin scrambled after him, casting hateful stares at anyone who had a bad word to say.
"What's gotten into him?" Percival asked, unaware of the conversation the king had had with Gwaine only minutes prior.
"Nothing. Gear up and meet me in the courtyard. We are going to bring the fight to Morgana."
---
The tension was high as the Camelotians made their way through the forest. Gwaine wanted to believe it was the upcoming war that put them on edge, but he knew in reality it was the fact they had sorcerers in their midst.
He tried his best to ignore the stares and hateful mutterings but it was hard. Especially as he had considered these people friends mere hours ago. Now they would rather kill him. Typical! The moment Gwaine is finally happy with himself the world has a problem.
Merlin rode at his side offering sympathetic glances when an insult was particularly harsh. He didn't dare speak. He may be a god but he isn't stupid enough to take on an entire army alone. Of course the temptation to do just that was growing with every passing second.
"I don't understand why they are even here." I will give you one guess as to who said that.
"Seriously Killian, you're really asking that." Gwaine snapped, breaking his vow of silence for the first time since they left. He stopped his horse in the middle of the path and faced the knight.
"You're a sorcerer."
"Yeah well I was a knight before that. You know full well that I would put Camelot before myself no matter what. Why should my magic change that?"
"Because it corrupts. It's evil." Killian yelled as if that supplied all the answers. Gwaine sighed and clicked his tongue and his horse continued down the path.
Merlin however was frozen to the spot.
"Who told you that?" He whispered, too shocked to raise his voice despite the considerable amounts of rage in his system.
"Magic doesn't corrupt. It isn't evil. Your world is held together by the magic I put into it. Without magic you would have no crops, no rain, no sun. Magic is life and you will do well to remember that."
"Oh how could I forget. You are a ‘god’. I’m terribly sorry to offend you, your liege.” Killian’s voice was dripping with false understanding that made Merlin’s blood boil. How close he was to just pulling him off that horse and-
“That is enough Sir Killian. Remember your place.” That was the end of that. Arthur shut down both parties before they could do something they would regret.
It took the army a whole day to reach the border of Essitir. Cenred no doubt had already been informed of their inevitable attack and was preparing on his side. But they still had time. They could stop and rest for the night, reset before the battle.
As the sun dipped below the trees, the army set up camp. Huge tents started to spring up in the field which no doubt will be drenched in blood by noon tomorrow. The storm had left most branches damp so reluctantly they turned to Merlin for help. Soon enough there were several campfires across the camp, Merlin didn’t even have to move. After his little show Arthur thought it would be best to keep the god away from the rest of his soldiers for time being, allowing him to sit with his inner circle.
Whilst the others joked around and devoured their food - Elyan had become the army’s chef as it would turn out he, like his sister, was quite a wondrous cook - Gwaine sat in silence. He pushed around the food in his bowl wishing he could work up even the slightest appetite. Out of solidarity Merlin didn’t either. Not that he exactly needed that much food; He had yet to grow used to his mortal body and it’s needs. Instead he tried his damn best to cheer up the knight as he had grown used to after the years of pestering him telepathically.
“I’m pretty sure mortals need food. I mean I know you aspire to be like me but this is taking it a little too far.” Percival smiled at the jibe but decided not to make a comment of his own.
“Again with the ‘mortal’, I have a name you know!” Merlin smirked mischievously and crossed his arms.
“Really? Must have forgotten.” Gwaine elbowed Merlin in the side, knowing he was teasing about his previous slip up at the lake. Merlin laughed wholeheartedly, picking up his spoon. Without thinking Gwaine did the same and Merlin smiled in triumph as he watched the knight slowly but surely eat his meal.
“Hey Merlin.” Merlin’s head jerked up and he stared around the circle trying to figure out who had called him. Leon spoke up, his smile radiating such warmth that Merlin instantly relaxed. “How did you know about the attack? Not even our scouts knew.”
“Intuition I guess.”He shrugged, copying gwaine’s earlier motion of playing with his food. He didn’t want to explain. It was way too complicated, even Merlin didn’t truly understand it himself.
“How come Gwaine couldn’t?” Elyan inquired. At the mention of his name Gwaine looked up, a part of him wanting to hear the answer as well.
“I have a different sort of magic to Gwaine. Mine is rooted to the earth. For centuries I have been channeling lifeforce from my realm to yours, meaning I can feel even the slightest disturbance. It’s to my knowledge the attacker is a high priestess.”
Arthur nodded stiffly. He hated the thought that after all he has done, ever tried to do, Morgana still can’t see through her hatred of Uther. Lifting the magic ban was Arthur’s last hope, maybe she would see that he is not his father. But she didn’t. She reverted to dark magic.
“High priestesses draw from my magic, or the magic of the triple goddess herself. Because of that it was easier to pinpoint exactly where the magic was used and for what purpose.”
“Wait so you can feel every spell, every incantation. I can barely handle my own magic. How can you manage millions of people at once?” Gwaine was in utter shock, his face drawing a small smile from merlin.
“I suppose it’s like breathing for me now.”
The power in that statement left all the men star struck. They simply couldn’t grasp the idea that this scrawny man was somehow a vessel for such raw magic. Gwaine was the first to shake out of his daze. His sudden laughter made Merlin cock his head in confusion.
“Yet you still needed a mortal to bring you here. Some god.” Merlin scoffed although a sly smile tugged at his lips. Gwaine looked him up and down before returning to his meal.
“Thought you didn’t like being called mortal.”
“Oh shush.”
---
The break of dawn brought with it war cries and bloodied weapons. The Saxons had attacked with the rising sun taking Camelot by surprise. They barely had time to grab their weapons before they were surrounded by the enemy. Merlin had managed to buy them more time by creating a force field that encompassed the camp, but even that didn’t stop them for long.
“Merlin, where are you!” Gwaine ran through the battle, slicing any Saxon that came too close or simply blasting them with his magic. As soon as the force field had fallen Gwaine lost sight of Merlin. Suddenly the threat of war was no longer at the forefront of his mind. All he could think about was Merlin. Merlin. Merlin.
He found Percival holding off five enemy soldiers and despite his worry ran to help him. With a flick of his wrist the soldiers fell to the ground. Percival clasped onto Gwaine’s arm, no words were needed to display his gratitude.
“Have you seen Merlin? I lost him when the wall fell.”
“No I haven’t.” Gwaine bit his lip and looked around. They were in the centre of the camp surrounded by torn up tents. It was probably the safest place to be yet the place was still crawling with Saxons. He didn’t want to think of what could happen to Merlin in the thick of the battle.
“He’ll be fine. He is literally a god and he has magic. He is basically invincible at this point.”
“Invincible isn’t immortal.” Gwaine muttered, breaking away from his friend in order to scout further North. “If you find him before I do-”
“I will lead him your way. Don’t worry Gwaine.”
With a nod they parted, running off in opposite directions. In hindsight Gwaine really should have stayed with Percival. Maybe then he wouldn't have come face to face with Morgana alone.
“So they are sending peasants to fight me now.” There was venom on her tongue and she made sure her words cut deep. Gwaine’s knuckles turned white around his sword but he didn’t give her the satisfaction of a reply.
“What’s the matter sir knight. Afraid?”
“Of you?” Gwaine raised his sword and his magic reacted in tandem. A blast so powerful that it shook the earth followed his sword, sending every enemy soldier in the area to the ground. Morgana however remained standing, looking at Gwaine with a mix of awe and terror.
“Who would have thought a knight of camelot would be tainted by magic.”
“If I’m tainted then your soul is dripping black.” Another blast. This time Morgana managed to redirect the magic, setting off an explosion to her left. The cries of both friend and foe alike made Gwaine feel sick but he never once let his expression slip.
“You shouldn’t be helping them. Together we could overthrow Arthur and return magic to Camelot. Rule over those who see us as monsters.” Morgana stepped forward with a devilish smirk playing on her lips. Her eyes burned a dazzling gold that bordered on red and Gwaine found himself incapable of moving, as if his hands were bound by invisible rope behind his back.
“I’d rather die.”
“So be it.” Gwaine didn’t register the pain until the dagger fell from his side. Somewhere to his right he heard a scream, but it was distant and hollow. His legs buckled beneath him and he came crashing to the floor. His eyes were open long enough to see Morgana engulfed by a pitch black void before he passed out.
---
Merlin had done it. He had gotten rid of Morgana, sent her to a place she will never escape. A fate worse than death. It’s what she deserved after all. However Merlin’s intentions were entirely selfish. As he cradled Gwaine’s limp body in his arms he wished he had done more to the witch. Made her suffer longer, inflicted pain like she had never experienced before.
His fine tuned hearing picked up the shallowest of breaths. A fading heart beat. Pain. So much pain. Grief. Tears. When did he start crying? Everything is numb. He can’t focus. The voices around him merge into one huge thrumming sensation. The people are blurry, moving in slow motion whilst time is slipping away from Gwaine.
Someone kneels down next to him. He didn’t know who. He didn’t care. A hand rested on his shoulder and he broke. He let out a scream so violent, so deafening that it levelled the thicket of trees around them. The saxons were obliterated by the spiral of gold that burst from within Merlin’s chest.
The sound of a broken heart.
As the dust cleared the knights of Camelot surveyed the damage. Arthur was the first to spot Merlin and Percival huddled over a body. He knew instantly who it was. When Elyan joined him, sweaty and breathless, he knew something was wrong.
“Arthur what are you-” Elyan followed his gaze and clamped his hand over his mouth.
“Is that…?” Lancelot had appeared at their side, his voice no more than a whisper.
“Gwaine. Gwaine please wake up.” Merlin cried cupping Gwaine’s face as he tried to feel for a pulse. In his desperation he found nothing, only making him cry harder. He focused his magic on the wound, stitching it shut with threads of gold and repairing any internal damage. Even then Gwaine didn’t stir.
“No, no Gwaine don’t you dare leave me.” His eyes flooded with gold. No effect.
“Merlin stop.” Percival whispered trying to ease away Merlin’s hands. His voice was tearful but he pushed back his grief. Gwaine wouldn’t have wanted him to cry. “He’s gone.”
“I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him. Gwaine please.” Merlin slipped his hand under the plate of metal covering Gwaine’s chest and tried another spell. This time Gwaine’s heart sped up a little, if only for a moment but it was enough to give Merlin hope.
Ignoring Percival’s pleas to calm down, Merlin closed his eyes and focused all his magic into his palm. A speck of light formed in his hand, growing until it was around the size of a tennis ball only with the consistency of sand. It writhed around with every breath Merlin took, shimmering in the morning sun creating an almost iridescent gleam.
“I’m not losing you.”
The ball exploded into vine-like ropes that wrapped around Gwaine’s fading body. The tips entered his skin like needles feeding magic directly into his veins. Merlin panted with effort refusing to look away until the last of the magic had seeped in. He fell back against his heels and averted his eyes as the magic took effect.
“What did you just do?” Percival shouted, making Merlin flinch.
“Stole magic from my world. Lifeforce. It’s shou-” Merlin didn’t have time to finish that sentence as he felt the tiniest tug on his hand. Gwaine’s eyelids fluttered but couldn’t open. Merlin gently stroked Gwaine’s hair away from his face, his hand lingering on his cheek (although he covered the motion by pretending to check for a pulse.) He held his breath as Gwaine started to squeeze his hands as if comforting him.
“Mer- Merlin.”
“I’m here.” Came the teary response. In the distance the knights breathed a sigh of relief.
Gwaine carefully opened his eyes, squinting a bit due to the intensity of the sun. If Merlin could block it out he sure as hell would.
“Wha’ happe’d.” His voice was slurred and thick with fatigue, anyong could tell it was straining him immensely to even keep his eyes open. Nevertheless Merlin chuckled, tenderly stroking his cheek.
“You almost died. Never do that to me again idiot.”
“Did we win?”
“We won.”
----
Back at the castle Gwaine was under strict instructions from both Gaius and Merlin to stay in bed. The first week was bearable, but by the second he had the undeniable urge to start drinking again. The need to pick up a bottle had escaped him for such a brief moment, yet to him it felt like years.
It was on the tenth day whilst Merlin was asleep he managed to sneak out of the castle. You would have thought he was already drunk by the way he was stumbling after every step. His body had yet to fully recover and after his week of bedrest his legs were not used to such strenuous activity.
He had just finished his second drink when Merlin burst through the tavern door with Percival and Elyan in tow.
“What the hell Gwaine!” Merlin shouted with more ferocity than Gwaine had ever heard. His childhood fears of the man came flooding back and he shied away.
“Gwaine you were doing so well.” Elyan whispered gently, easing the tankard from his friend’s grip. Percival didn’t even look him in the eye as he paid the bartender, leaving a hefty tip for the inconvenience.
“We’re leaving.” Merlin ordered but Gwaine stayed rooted to the spot.
“Don’t wanna.” Like a child Gwaine gripped the edges of the bench without breaking eye contact. Suddenly everyone else in the room felt like they were intruding as Merlin’s eyes grew increasingly angered.
“Fine, you want to play it this way.” Merlin grabbed Gwaine’s arm and before he could wriggle away muttered a spell. A silver mist encased them, lifting them a couple of inches off the floor before bringing them crashing back down in Gwaine’s chambers.
Gwaine ripped away from Merlin, distancing himself significantly. “What was that for?”
“You were told to stay in bed, not drown yourself in alcohol.” Merlin snapped. Gwaine’s jaw tightened and he turned away. An immense amount of shame started to simmer in his gut but he couldn’t help but feel annoyed.
“I have been stuck here all week. I needed to leave.”
“And your first thought was to go to the tavern. What the hell is wrong with you?” That pushed Gwaine over the edge. His eyes flooded with silver and he whipped around. Merlin was quickly pinned against the wall.
“What’s wrong with- are you kidding me? I’m like this because you decided companionship was more important than a child’s life. Me. You ruined my life. This is your fault.” With every word his voice got louder until he was screaming in Merlin’s face. The god didn’t flinch knowing that this was being fuelled by alcohol.
“Don’t pin your bad choices on me. I didn’t hand you the bottle. I didn’t force it down your throat. You did that yourself.” Merlin broke out of the spell and stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard behind him it almost shattered the hinges.
Gwaine yelled in frustration. Finding that wasn’t quite enough he began to punch the wall until his knuckles were battered and bruised. Only then did he allow himself to sink to the floor and weep.
---
Percival and Elyan almost ran completely past Merlin on their way to find Gwaine. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the look of fury on his face harsh enough to send an entire army running for the hills.
“Merlin, is everything okay?” Percival asked carefully. Merlin walked straight past them, completely ignoring their question which of course was an answer in itself.
“You find Gwaine, I'll go talk to Merlin.” Elyan said quickly, not wanting to lose the man in the castle. Elyan ran off in pursuit of Merlin whilst Percival continued on to Gwaine's room. The last thing he expected to find was Gwaine in a heap on the floor shaking.
"Jesus Gwaine what happened." It wasn't a question. The last thing Percival wanted was an explanation, they only ever make things more complicated. No, his attention was focused on his bloody mess on his hands. He crouched down in front of Gwaine and eased his hands apart.
"How many times have I told you, the wall is not your enemy." Gwaine stared up at Percival with unseeing eyes, clouded by his self-hatred.
Percival reached for an old thin blanket and ripped off two strips. He carefully wrapped them around his knuckles, making sure they were right enough to stop the bleeding without disturbing the broken bones. He would have to pay Gaius a visit later to learn a few things if this is going to become a regular occurrence again.
"I fucked up Percy."
"Yeah you did." The knight agreed without hesitation. Gwaine hissed in pain as his wrist was turned over - clearly there was more damage than the two first thought.
"I didn't mean to shout at him. This isn't his fault I just- since the battle I haven't felt like me. My mind feels just like it was when Merlin was in my head. I thought that if I…"
"That if you started drinking again you would feel like yourself." Gwaine bowed his head curling further into himself. "Gwaine you don't need that. It's only going to make you feel worse."
"What do you know?"
"I know you. I know that since Merlin has been here you have been more yourself than ever. I don't think I have ever seen you smile as much as you do around him. Don't push him away now, not when he is trying to help you."
The excuse of his injury only scratched the surface. In the moment, that flash of anger protected him from the pain. But the more Gwaine thought about it the quicker he came to realise that he was trying to protect himself from the love he so desperately craved. Because the last time he allowed someone to get close he fell and fell hard, for nothing. This is what he always does. Build up walls as soon as he acknowledges feelings.
"It's too late for that."
There's no fixing this. Those words had been carved so deep into his brain there's no erasing them.
"It's never too late. He will understand, he cares about you so much. I can see it." Percival extended his hand to help Gwaine to his feet. He was wobbly, a little tipsy and shrouded in fatigue but his determination was unmatched.
He's going to fix this.
"I'm going to find him."
---
"Argh, why does he have to be so difficult." Merlin's voice echoed across the gardens carried into the dark void of night. He curled up underneath a willow tree trying to focus on the wind in the hanging vines instead of his hammering heart.
A twig snapped behind him and he seized.
"It's cold out, you should really head back inside before you catch your death." Merlin didn't relax when Elyan made himself known. If anything he curled further into himself.
"I'd rather be left alone."
"Whatever he said he didn't mean it." It should sound condescending but you have no idea how much Merlin needed to hear that. Doesn't mean he believed them though.
"I pushed him. He's right, this is my fault."
"Hey, just being by his side has helped him more than you could know. I don't know how much he told you, or if you already knew to begin with, but before you came here he was miserable. He'd spend every night in the tavern trying to feel half normal. And I couldn't do anything. I blamed myself, for months I blamed myself that my best friend was suffering. Things like this aren't simple. You can't just 'fix' people, it's not how it works. But what you can do is be there for them. And avoid words like 'my fault' and 'his fault'. There is no one to blame for this."
Merlin leant back against the tree feeling slightly overwhelmed by Elyan's speech. He was right. Of course he was right. Things like this don't just disappear overnight. Relapses are common - awful but common nonetheless. Gwaine didn't need another person casting blame when he was already doing that himself. Especially when Merlin loves him so much, it would only hurt both of them.
"You should go find him. Knowing Gwaine he is probably looking for you as well."
"Okay. Yeah I'm going to- I'll talk to him." Merlin stumbled to his feet and hurried off towards the castle, taking the quickest route through the orchard. Elyan watched him go with a smile on his face.
Merlin summoned a small ball of light to lead the way as the moon was no longer sufficient enough. He had already walked into three bushes in his haste. He reached the ruined pavilion when he collided with something surprisingly solid. Shocked, he fell to the floor, the ball of light going to defend its creator.
"Stand down, it's me!" The ball froze as did Merlin. Even in the soft blue light Merlin could tell Gwaine had been crying. The tear tracks still stained his cheeks.
"Sorry." Gwaine helped Merlin to his feet trying not to wince when he squeezed a little too hard. "What are you doing out here? You should be in bed."
"Looking for you. I, um, I wanted to apologize. Blaming you was a dick move, none of this is your fault."
"I should be the one apologising to you. I pushed you to that point." Merlin eased up on his grip but didn't draw back completely. He led Gwaine under the pavilion and the ball floated along with them, settling in the rafters.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."
"You're kidding me right." Gwaine scoffed, gently tilting Merlin's chin. "Merlin, you could never hurt me. Hell you literally stole magic from the gods to bring me back to life. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."
Gwaine gazed up and studied Merlin's eyes. Even without the spirals of gold they resemble kaleidoscopes and he found himself getting lost within them. This is it. No more walls. No more lies.
"Merlin, I need to tell you something."
"Yes?" His voice remained a breathless whisper as Gwaine began to trace his jawline.
"I think I'm falling in love with you." A shiver shot down Merlin's spine and suddenly Gwaine's hand against his cheek felt anything but innocent.
"I don't know what love feels like." Gwaine had of course expected this response. He was after all denied paternal love from practically birth and cast out to live a life of solitude. That didn't deter him.
Gwaine leant in so their noses brushed. Their breath mingled in the cool night air, condensing against their skin provoking goosebumps. Merlin whimpered slightly at the contact which drove Gwaine crazy.
"Can I show you?"
Merlin bit his lip and nodded. Gwaine closed the gap between them, reigning himself in to prevent scaring Merlin away. When he pulled away Merlin brought his hand to his lips trying to figure out what the hell that tingling sensation meant.
Was that what love felt like?
He likes it.
"Merlin are you - oomph!" Merlin pulled Gwaine in by his collar desperate to feel it over and over again. His lips were soft. So soft. He melted against them, slinging his arms around his neck in order to maintain balance. Not wanting to draw back he inhaled deeply through his nose making Gwaine smile into the kiss.
Hands met hair. Breathing and not breathing. Time seemed to stand still and speed up at the same time as their mouths moved as one. Gwaine gripped Merlin's hips, guiding him to the bench. As soon as Merlin met the marble Gwaine lowered himself into his lap and continued. Given his newfound height Gwaine used the railing behind them to prop himself up as Merlin tangled his fingers through his hair.
As the moment wore off Gwaine pressed his forehead against Merlin's, unable to open his eyes. It would seem Merlin was in the same boat. His hand slid down to Gwaine's hips ensuring he didn't fall, although he instantly missed the feeling of his hair. How he kept it so soft Merlin had no idea.
"That was…"
"Yeah…"
"I think I am falling in love with you too." Gwaine smiled, still keeping his eyes closed to savour this moment for as long as possible.
"What now?"
"Well we should probably head back inside." Merlin cracked his eyes open knowing that Gwaine was smirking at him.
"But we aren't going to do that are we?"
"Nope."
A gardener would find the two asleep on the floor of the pavilion the next morning, a bundle of limbs. Not the most flattering of positions but the servants of Camelot had long since forgotten what judgement meant.
News traveled quickly, not that it was surprising in the least. Some of the Knights had bets going on how long it would take for the two to get together. Percival came out a whole lot richer than he was the night prior.
"I can't believe you were betting on our relationship." Gwaine jokes over breakfast. He didn't have much of an appetite but he didn't want to disappoint anyone by flaking on yet another meal.
"Like you wouldn't have done the same for me." Percival retorted, patting his pocket which was suspiciously large.
"Merlin, you're looking a little red there mate." Merlin ducked his head making a couple of knights chuckle. He felt Gwaine's hand stroke his knee only making him blush harder. Knowing exactly what he was doing Gwaine didn't move until the meal was over and they were dismissed for training.
"You did that on purpose." Merlin hissed when they were out of earshot.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I have got to go to training, but I will catch up with you later, yeah?" Gwaine kissed the tip of Merlin's nose and headed down the corridor. Merlin stared after him before smiling to himself, rocking on his heels unable to contain his pure joy.
Maybe things will be okay after all.