safe haven │ larry stylinson

31

Harry's POV

As they returned from dinner, Harry went to his own room. As long as Simon stayed at the same hotel as them, they wouldn't risk him to see them together.

He closed the door and leaned against it. His eyes closed and his breath slowed down. It was too much to take. Everything was so overwhelming to him. He was unconditionally happy with Louis but as soon as there were others the happiness faded. As soon as they weren't just Louis and Harry, two men in love, there was nothing he could be happy about.

He had to be there for Louis, he had to stand up for him. He didn't regret it and he never would but seeing Louis so scared made him feel terrified. Simon was in control after all and even though Harry had told Louis they would find a way, he wasn't quite sure if they really would.

Harry leaned against the door, hoping the pain and the worries would disappear. He knew them all too well. As he pressed his body against the door, all of the sudden tears came up. He started crying. His anxiety made the whole situation worse. He slid down the door, sat on the floor and rested his head on his knees. The tears ran down as he tried to hold himself together. He knew that this was a fight he wouldn't win, he couldn't. With one hand he clasped the wrist of his other hand, holding on to himself tightly.

Suddenly he felt the scars of his last time cutting himself on his wrist. They had been hidden beneath his sweater the whole evening. Either long sleeves or bracelets covered them. But now he felt them. His fingertips stroked over the scars and he felt the desire to feel the pain again. He needed to feel the pain. His inner pain was too much to take, feeling physical pain would help. It had to help. At least for a few seconds.

He knew that it wasn't a solution. That it wouldn't help. But he couldn't stop himself. He didn't see another way. Harry couldn't even think about it as soon as his fingers scratched off his skin. The scars that had nearly healed opened up again within seconds. He could feel the blood streaming down his wrist and laid his head back against the wall. A single sob escaped his mouth as the tears fell down. The cuts were hurting again.
Harry hated himself. He knew that it wouldn't help. But the pain distracted him. He cried in pain and didn't even try to stop the bleeding.

Suddenly he heard a knock at the door and flinched. He didn't dare to move. Holding his breath, he sat there leaning against the door.
"Harry?" He had expected everyone but Zayn. But it was his voice, Harry was sure. He kept quiet, expecting him to leave. But he didn't.
"Harry. It's Zayn. I know that you're there. Please open up"
He bit his lip, hoping he would leave. What did he want anyway? They hadn't really talked in years. For obvious reasons.

"Harry Styles. I won't leave until you open up that fucking door"
Inhaling deeply, Harry tried to sound tired.
"What do you want? I'm in bed already"
"I can hear you, you're in front of the door. Open up. Only for a minute please"
He couldn't open the door. Even if he wanted to. There was no way he could. Zayn would see him in the way he was. Pathetic.
"I can't, sorry. Can we talk tomorrow?"
"No, we can't. I won't wait another day longer. Please, Harry"
Harry knew Zayn. He wouldn't go away until he opened up. Suck it up, Styles, he thought to himself and stood up. He covered his arm using his sleeve and dried his eyes. It was dark, Zayn wouldn't see his red eyes. Hopefully.

He opened up the door and looked at the man expecting him to talk. Instead, Zayn entered the room and put on the lights. He turned around to look at Harry who was completely paralyzed. He couldn't react as Zayn looked at him wide-eyed. "Harry?..! What the fuck?..!"

"What? What do you want?" He desperately tried to sound like he normally would but he knew he failed. He was a mess.
Zayn closed the door behind. His eyes were focused on Harry's arm. "Come on" He lead him to the bathroom and gestured him to sit down on the edge of the bathtub. As he sat down, he looked confused at the black haired man. Still trying to hide his arm, he put it behind his back.
"Don't even try to hide it" It was a simple sentences leaving Harry shocked while Zayn grabbed an emergency kit.
He turned around, seeing his shock and gave him a little smile.
"I know you, Styles. And I know how it feels"