Hermitcraft Oneshots and A.U's

Incorrect Quotes??? - #1

Word count : 678

(Why do I do this? Because I want to make my own crack chapter that's why-)

Grian : So, as my best friend-
Scar : Cub is my best friend.
Grian : *tearing up* As my best friend-

Mumbo : *Internally screaming* I drank too much lemonade and now this water tastes like battery acid.
Cub : Mmm... tasty.
Mumbo : *Concerned look at Cub*

Xisuma : Just because I'm an Admin doesn't mean you have to be afraid of me!
The Watchers : *Pathetically hiding behind Grian* Nah bro we're good here.
Xisuma : *Turns to the camera with an unamused facial expression from underneath his visor* And these guys are the villains in most stories?

False : LET ME SEE YOUR WAR FACES!
Stress, Scar, Mumbo and Ren : *Actual facial expressions of Satan*
False : Whoa tone er' down you guys.

Iskall : *Laughs at Scar* Ha! Looks like I'm the best cat owner and cat mama!
Scar : *Already holding up a knife* Bold words for someone in stabbing range.

Evil X : *Is crying*
Xisuma : EX? Are you ok?
Evil X : JUST HUG ME DAMN IT.
Xisuma : *Hugs EX*
Evil X : *Cries even more*

Grian : So are you telling me that you all nearly started a Civil War during season 5 without me?!
Iskall : Yeah pretty much. It was cool.
Mumbo : Too bad YouTube sucks at its copyright stuff.
Iskall and Mumbo : *Glares at YouTube*

Joe : I'm an indepent person who doesn't need anyone!
Cleo : *Cutting up orange slices* Yeah, sure. Whatever. Now eat your damn orange slices.
Joe : *Consumes orange slices without hesitation or question*

Herobrine : EX, from watching all the Hermits, none of them seem as insane as you claim them to be.
Evil X : No no. Stick around for awhile long.
The entirety of the Hermitcraft server : *Spontaneously combusts for no apparent reason*
Herobrine : *Hands EX 20 bucks*

Joe : So I feel like the universe has just come to hate me since I keep escaping its attempts of slaying me.
Literally any Hermit : I legit just asked you how you were doing???

Doc : *Buried in the sand at a beach* I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand!
Bdubs : POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM
Doc : *Yells at the water* FUCK OFF M8-

Doc : I feel so hung over right now, not gonna lie.
Mumbo : Well... you did just get knocked out by a goat when you got too close.
Doc : Damn. Did someone catch it on video?

Mumbo : *ranting to Xisuma* Grian, Iskall and I were all hanging out with each other. And everything was going normally until I accidently punched Iskall square in the jaw. I panicked struggling to say "Are you ok?" And "I'm sorry." But I mucked up the words and screamed. "Are you sorry?" It took Iskall an hour to get up and Grian still hasn't stopped laughing at me!
Grian : *Lying on the floor with tears running down his face from laughing so hard*
Iskall : *Sitting with a ice pack over his nose*
Xisuma : *Trying SO hard not to laugh as well* Oh- h-how unfortunate Um-

Scar : I'm so much tougher than these guys! *points back at Mumbo and Stress and Ren*
Cub : But you all literally just sat there for a solid hour crying with each other over- [Insert not really that sad of a movie here]
Scar : *already tearing up and his voice breaking* H-Hey man not cool!

Iskall : I honestly fear no man. But- *looks at picture of Stress* -Thats No man.

Grian : *Is frustrated* Why can't you see everything from my perspective!
Doc : *Leans down at Grian's head level*
Cub : *Gets down on his knees*
Iskall : *Squats down*
Two hours later
Xisuma : Grian why are Iskall, Doc and Cub tied up and being suspended in the air on a tree?
Grian : They called me short.
Mumbo : Oh boy.

Ha- you thought- I made my OWN incorrect quotes- along with some pretty iconic and recognizable ones, lol. Hope you all enjoyed. And please send me some of your ideas for oneshot PLEASE. I simply pulled this chapter out of thin air- help-