Bloodline (Ariana/You)

Chapter 23: I can't

Ariana's POV:

It's been months since I've heard from Y/n and my heart breaks more and more everyday because it's my fault that she's not by my side.
We're almost done with the rest of the first leg and I can't wait to go home and see my pups.
It's been hell without her if I'm being honest.
I'm exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I don't really sleep anymore and I can feel myself slowly going insane without her presence.
She brought so much joy into my life, yeah my fans make my happy but it's no where near as happy as I would be right now with Y/n.

-

We landed in Pittsburgh this morning and my mood has never been so low.
I don't like coming here because it reminds me of him so much.
My heart hurts.
Today's gonna be the worst day of tour, I don't have Y/n by my side and we're in his home town.
The Social House boys, Tommy, Courtney, and the twins have been by my side so it made everything a little better.
I laid on my hotel bed, wrapped in Y/n sweater.
Just as I was about to close my eyes, my phone started ringing.

It was Brian.
"We have rehearsals in an hour Ari"
I sighed before sitting up.
"Alright, I'll be there"
"Okay I'll see you soon then AG"
I nodded before I hung up the phone.
About 15 minutes of silence went by before I decided to take a shower to try and get my mind off of everything negative.
After I finished up my shower, I got dressed and made my way over to the venue.

As soon as I walked in, everyone's energy changed.
It's like they were scared to say something wrong, they were walking on eggshells around me.
Tiley walked over to me and pulled me in for a hug without saying a word.
I wanted to cry so bad but I held it in.
"You okay?"
I nodded in complete denial, I wasn't okay.
I wasn't anywhere near okay.
I just wanted Y/n.
"I'm here for you" He whispered and I nodded as we walked back to everyone else.

"...5, 6, 7, 8..." Brian called out as we did each step to the choreography.
My mind was all over the place.
"Let's take a 5"
Scott took over as Brian and Tiley walked out, leaving me along with everyone else confused.
I tried my best to keep up but I couldn't focus no matter what.
Crying.
I just wanted to bawl my eyes at.
"I-I gotta go"
I walked out and called an Uber to Malcom's parent's house.

-

I just wanted today to be over, I wanted to leave.
This place is just heartbreak all over again.
I was in the backseat of the Black Cadillac when Scooter called me.
"Hey, everything okay?"
I nodded as I wiped the tears that continued to fall from my eyes.
"Ariana, you don't have to do the show"
"We can cancel it and-"
I quickly interrupted him before he could say another word.
"-my fans would hate me for canceling it last minute"

"No they wouldn't, they would understand because you're going through a lot right now" He said and I just shook my head.
"I want to do the show for Malcom, he would want me to...and I know that he's watching over me right now" I said fighting back more tears.
"I want to make him proud"
My bottom lip began to quiver.
"You would make him proud either way, he would probably just want for you to be happy-"
"-Even if that meant not going on tonight"
"But at the end of the day, it's completely up to you" He said and I nodded.

"I'm okay with any decision that you make because I'm not the one that's gonna be singing out there"
There was no debate, I was doing the show no matter how hard it would be for me.
"I'm doing the show Scooter but thank you for caring"
"Love you Ariana"
"Love you too Scooter, I'll see you in 15 minutes"
I hung up the phone and proceeded to cry as we approached the venue.
Thankfully my security didn't allow the paps anywhere near here or I'd have a meltdown.

-

I walked to the back of the venue and straight into my dressing room.
Josh and Daniel were in there waiting for me already.
They tried to cheer me up a little but it was no use.
Just as they finished, Scooter popped his head in.
"Do you still want to do the meet and greet?"
I nodded and he led me over to the booth.
About an hour and a half went by before the last person came.
"Sound check and then Social House goes on in 30 minutes"

Scott, Courtney, and a few more dancers joined me for sound check so I wasn't alone.
Brian and Tiley still weren't here which was odd, the two of them are usually with me.
"I'm so sorry but it's Brian and it seems important" I apologized to my fans before stepping aside to answer the call.
"You almost here?"
"Yeah, we're on our way back right now" He said and I nodded.
"Where'd you guys go?"
"I had to go do something and Tiley wanted to come along"
I nodded once more before hanging up and going to talk to my babies again.

-

The clock was counting down until the show started and my heart started to race with each second.
"Show time"
"Remember, we can stop the show if you don't want to go on" Scooter said and I nodded my head before pulling him in for a hug.
"I'm alright"
We got into our show circle and did a quick prayer before getting into position.
Brian and Tiley still weren't here and it was beginning to worry me.
"Sorry we're late" They said breathlessly.

Y/n's POV:

"When raindrops fell, down from the s-sky..." She started choking up.
I quickly ran and took Taya's spot next to Ariana.
"...T-he day yo-u left me-"
She hadn't noticed that I was beside her yet so I grabbed her hand as she began to cry.
"You got this"
She nodded and the beat to God Is A Woman began.
Throughout the whole performance, she was a mess.
Her vocals were off for obvious reasons but she still managed to sound like an angel.
Just before Thank U, Next she broke down in tears.
"I can't do this" She said shaking her head.

"Hey hey hey, don't cry beautiful" I said stroking her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs.
"He'd be so proud of you"
She nodded and stepped closer to me, pulling me into her by my shirt.
"I love you" She whispered.
"I love you too"
She stared intensely at my lips, licking her own in the process.
She leaned in and I shook my head, slowly backing up.
"I can't, I'm seeing someone"
Before she could say another word she was being rushed into the platform.
She looked over at me and the hurt was visible in her eyes.