Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South Korea

Chapter 79

Yesterday, I woke up at noon and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. A gangster from Mississippi had a transgender girlfriend. He knew from the very start that his main squeeze was a chick-with-a-dick. Sadly, the other gang members learned the secret about his woman. So he killed the poor girl to save himself from embarrassment. If I were king of the world, I'd have this asshole stoned at the city gates. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

I watched Tucker Carlson on Fox News. I try to keep politics out of this diary. Instead, I prefer to stick to universal themes such as bowel movements and masturbation. But sometimes the news of the world creeps in. The powers that be are accusing President Trump of being a Manchurian candidate. He's supposedly a secret Russian agent. Even Republicans are turning against him. The idea that Hillary lost Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Ohio because of Putin strikes me as ridiculous. But what do I know?

I called Ken using Facetime.

I said, "Are you studying for finals?"

He said, "Not much."

"Do you think that you're going to eventually get a high school diploma?"

"Dad, would you stop? I'm going to get a diploma."

"OK. I'm just a little bit worried. All I ever see you do is play computer games."

I'm a bit of a racist. Because Ken is half Asian, I just assumed from the very beginning that he would be a wonderful student. I was wrong. His academic performance is a little bit above average. It's certainly nothing to write home about.

The Dragon Lady decided to go to Costco. She took Rice-Boy Larry with her. I stayed home and watched porno for two hours. Then I jerked off in the bathroom. My orgasm was explosive. I had a great time.

I haven't had coitus with my wife in months. This happens with Grave's Disease. Sometimes she's into it, and other times she's as cold as ice. But I don't miss the sex. I hate the woman more and more with each passing day. I stay married because of my young son.

My wife returned from Costco at 9 p.m. She left the groceries at the bottom of the apartment building.

She said, "Go down stair and bling food."

I said, "You're an asshole."

"Why I da asshoe? It not my food. It you food."

"You just never treat me nicely."

And that's true. I don't mind lugging stuff up to the fourth floor. But the occasional thank you and please go a long way in making me a happy camper. Her attitude has been shitty since I put the ring on her finger. All she does is fight with people. Her family never calls. She's currently in a spat with them. And nobody ever visits my apartment because the atmosphere is toxic.

I used to think that The Dragon Lady's thyroid turned her into a fucking bitch. But now I'm wondering if she has borderline personality disorder. I'm not psychiatrist. However, the woman is completely fucked up in the head.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. I asked for peace. Then I slept like the dead.