Yesterday, I woke up at one p.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. The Filipino president has threatened to exterminate Korean drug dealers who are residing in the Philippines. This man is famous for the extra-judicial killings of Filipino criminals.
I grew up on the mean streets of Texas. Crime was always a problem. I once got my nose broken in a bar. Blood went spurting all over the place, so a concerned citizen called the cops. It turns out that the man who struck me was wanted by the powers that be for murdering his girlfriend.
My point? The world is teeming with dangerous scumbags. As a Christian, I go back and forth on the issue of the death penalty. One day I'm against it, and the next day I'm for it. I'll just leave it at that.
I wiped my ass and walked into the living room. The Dragon Lady was sitting on the sofa with Number One Sister-In-Law.
My wife said, "I saw docta dis morning. I vely sick. He say my levels bad. I come here next Thursday for new medicine."
I said, "What about your doctor in Pusan? He seems competent."
She said, "My sista say he not good. No good docta in Pusan."
Number One Sister-In-Law never fails to piss me off. She has no idea about the suffering of my family. My wife has gone to see four different physicians concerning her Grave's Disease. And all of them have been excellent. The medication has always worked consistently. But The Dragon Lady has a habit of quitting to find new care-givers. For some baffling reason, her family condones and even promotes this irresponsible behavior. They don't understand Grave's rage. When she's off her meds, she turns into an angry beast.
I said, "I don't think it's a good idea. This will be your fifth doctor."
She said, "You shut da fuck up. It not you business."
So I shut the fuck up. What was I supposed to do? Hit her over the head with a club and drag her to my cave?
We drove back to Pusan. However, we left Rice-Boy Larry with Number One Sister-In-Law. He wanted to stay behind to play with his cousins. She asked to drive, so I gave her the keys.
The Dragon Lady said, "I not rike you. You not husband."
I said, "What did I do now?"
"You brame me for Ken."
"Why shouldn't I blame you? You're a bad mother. That's why he's living in Texas."
"I da bad mommy? You da bad fadda. You ret him go to Texas. It not my idea."
I didn't respond. I'm tired of arguing about the same old shit. I'm doing my best to forgive her for being such a rotten Asian bitch. After all, domineering mothers probably can't help themselves. It must be something in the genes.
We went home and watched pornography together as we lay in bed. My favorite clip involved a Japanese waitress giving a blowjob to one of her customers. I fucked my wife soon after. I lasted for my usual ten minutes. The Dragon Lady rubbed my balls as we copulated. Today my testicles hurt like a motherfucker.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...