Yesterday, I drove to a restaurant with my family. My wife and I discussed the villa. The apartment might get knocked down by a real estate developer—which would garner us a nice little profit.
She said, "We give money to my fatha. He keep it for us in account."
I said, "Fuck that shit. That's Buffalo money. That's for me and mine. He can wire it to my bank account in China."
"I give to my fatha."
"Well, that makes you and your father a couple of thieves, doesn't it?"
Which is true. Asia family style just doesn't work these days. There are too many divorces in present day Korea. So if that money goes into her dad's account and she decides to divorce me, then I'm completely fucking screwed. I won't get a single dime. This is the type of shit that keeps me up at night.
She said, "My daddy not da thief. Get the fuck out of my car."
"I paid for this fucking car."
And that's exactly my point. Everything I own is in her family's name. I really screwed the pooch on this one. That's one of the reasons why I'm thinking about making the move to China. At least I'll have a bit more freedom over my finances. As things stand now, I'm completely in the dark. I don't even know how much money I have in the bank.
She screamed at me for about five minutes. She finally relented, and we walked into the restaurant. We had barbeque pork with all the fixings. The meal came with kimchi, rice, and smelly soup. Korean soup always smells like ass. I have no idea why. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. I became quite buzzed.
We returned to our apartment and watched baseball. SK lost. I walked to my bedroom at 9 p.m. I wanted to go to sleep. But I made the mistake of opening my fucking mouth.
I said, "What a set of balls on your father. He wants to put Buffalo fucking money into his account. What planet is your family from?"
The Dragon Lady became hysterical. She got a big skillet from the kitchen and threatened to brain me with it. After that, she told me that she planned to crush my computer.
"My daddy not a thief. You motha a cun."
I fell asleep at 11 p.m. I kept thinking about that dirty old goat trying to get his filthy hands on my cash. And trust me. I'm no millionaire. He has far more dough than me. I often feel like Mr. Harker in Dracula's castle. The Dragon Lady and her family are bleeding me dry day by day. Somehow I have to escape, or I'll be dead.
I drove Rice-Boy Larry to school. I had plenty of time to spare, so I didn't have to rush to the morning meeting. The Pastor gave a devotion. He sang a tune while strumming the guitar.
I met him later in the day. He came to my classroom.
He said, "Are you going to China?"
I said, "It all depends if I can get a visa in Korea."
He said, "You should be able to manage that."
I said, "I hope so." Then I changed the subject. "Do you know how much sex costs in Beijing at a brothel?"
"I don't know."
"Less than thirty dollars. Not that I'm going to pay for it. For some reason, I just had the urge to share the info with you."
"Thanks. But try to behave yourself if you make the move."
He left the room.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...