I used to work with a fat guy from Tennessee named Paul. Paul was a surly son of a bitch. For instance, he was asked to pay ten dollars for a school t-shirt, and he went crazy.
"I don't come to work to waste money! I've got a family to feed."
Paul also yelled at the former principal during a prayer meeting. He wanted to be compensated for coming to school fifteen minutes early in order to worship with the other faculty members.
He said, "I don't work for free!"
Paul eventually got fired. He soon found another gig in Laos but caught gangrene due to complications from diabetes. He had to fly back to Tennessee to get half his foot amputated. His Korean wife left him and took all the money. The poor amputee was flat broke, living in his daddy's trailer.
Pretty grim, huh? Do you think he killed himself with a bullet to the head? Or do you think he became addicted to heroin and is now some homeless HIV patient?
Actually, he managed to turn his life around. Paul went on a diet, lost a ton of weight, and now works as an ESL teacher is Southwestern China. He's currently having the time of his life.
I bring this up because he tried to hook me up with a job the other day. He set me up for an interview with his recruiter. The interview was supposed to start at 10 p.m., but the guy forgot to Skype me. He eventually contacted me at 5:30 a.m. the next morning.
Mr. Recruiter said, "I have your resume right in from of me. It says that you're certified as a secondary English teacher."
I said, "That's correct. But only in the state of Texas."
"We have a job near Shanghai. Would you be interested?"
"Sure. But I have a wife and kid. Would my son be able to attend the school?"
"I'm sorry, but this particular institution only caters to high school students."
I thanked him for his time. But there's no way that I'm going to send Rice-Boy Larry to a Chinese public school. The kid doesn't speak a word of the language. It is international schools or nothing.
I drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. The Winter Olympics are being held in Korea in 2018. However, NHL hockey players will be a no-show. I'm not a huge fan of the sport. We need to keep that shit in Canada.
I drove Rice-Boy Larry to school. I was late, so I had to sprint to the morning meeting. There were no important announcements. The school is going on a field trip this Friday. But it's supposed to rain cats and dogs. Sadly, I don't give a shit. I'm too old and tired to sweat the small stuff.
Beverly was in a foul mood today.
She said, "Mr. Buffalo, do you believe in ghosts."
She asked because we are currently reading a short story called The Ghosts.
I said, "Yes, I believe in ghosts. But I've never seen one."
"You're a very smart man, Mr. Buffalo."
"There's no need to get sarcastic."
"I'm not being sarcastic. This would be a wonderful world if all teachers were like you." She rolled her eyes. "You're a real genius."
I ignored her. Why take the bait?
YOU ARE READING
Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...