Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South Korea

Chapter 55

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. The Korean government is trying to lift the Sewol ferry from the bottom of the ocean. The ferry sank in 2014, killing more than 300 people. Most of the victims were high school students. The peninsula is a weird place. There is virtually no street crime. You can walk around the major cities at all hours of the day or night without anybody stealing your stuff. However, a blatant disregard for safety kills a ton of people every year. Go figure.

I drove Rice-Boy Larry to school. He was in a great mood. Larry tried out for the praise team and was accepted by the powers that be. Seven people auditioned and only two made it. His job is to sing and dance on stage. He should fit right in. That boy is a dancing fool.

I went to the morning meeting. The music teacher delivered a devotion in Korean. She provided the foreign staff with an English translation. She compared herself to a Disney cartoon character named Dora. I've never seen the movie, so I had no idea what the fuck she talking about. Nevertheless, I smiled and nodded like the village idiot. I'm wonderful that way.

I read The Minister's Black Veil with my advanced class. I talked about the theme of hypocrisy. We all struggle with hidden sin, but we often point our dirty fingers at others. However, I often wonder what Hawthorne would say if he could see modern America. For instance, my country is currently in the midst of a heroin crisis. Plus we are deluged with single mothers who are raising the offspring of multiple absentee fathers. And, to top things off, Disney World now has a special day dedicated to fags and lesbians. Maybe hypocrisy and shame weren't that bad after all. It would be nice if they made a comeback.

I met the Pastor.

I said, "I'm sorry that my wife called you last night."

He said, "Don't worry about it. I get that kind of stuff all the time. I'm part of the clergy, so it comes with the territory."

"Thanks for understanding."

He shook his head. "Marital fights are nothing. Heck. All the youth ministers who worked in my father's church ended up getting fired for sex reasons."

"No kidding?"

"No kidding." He smiled. "One of them went home early and watched pornography on his computer. His wife caught him, and his career ended."

I found the information quite shocking.

I said, "His career ended? What? Was he jerking off in front of the children?"

"Of course not. His wife was understandably upset, and she convinced him to turn himself over."

"Turn himself over?"

"Yeah."

"Turn himself over to whom?"

"The senior pastor. Pastors are strictly forbidden from watching erotica."

"Yeah, but nobody knew about it."

"His wife did."

"So she ratted him out over that little bit of bullshit?"

"It's not bullshit. It's serious business."

I suddenly felt better about my situation. Perhaps all women are crazy—not just the Dragon Lady. I prayed to Christ before going to bed and slept like a baby.