Chapter 41

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Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. Fifty-five percent of Koreans believe that women are partially responsible when assaulted by their male counterparts. According to the survey, it's important for ladies to dress in a conservative manner. Failing to do so could lead to sex crimes.

The peninsula is clearly behind the times on these types of feminine issues. Women have the right to wear what they wish. I'm the biggest pig in the universe, but I've never attacked a scantily-clad Asian kitten. Besides, the best thing about living in the ROK is watching all the hot chicks strutting down the avenue in their short-shorts and mini-skirts. In fact, during the summer months, I'm sporting constant wood. I shit you not. Who the fuck would want to change something so wonderful? Not me.

I drove to school. We had a meeting regarding professional development. The teachers and the leadership are now focusing on our Christian worldview. We're trying to put our feelings into words.

The Principal gave a speech about Abraham Kiper. According to my boss, Abraham was a bigshot in the Dutch reform movement. But I'm not a member of the intelligentsia. Therefore, I do my best to swim in the shallow end of the pool. So I just smiled and nodded like the village retard. I'm wonderful that way.

I talked to the Pastor. He's deeply offended by this diary. He called it lewd and outrageous.

I said, "Is it really that bad?"

He said, "It's disgusting. You talk about your wife rubbing your balls."

"She's my wife. Who else is supposed to rub my balls?"

"It's just not the ball rubbing. You also watch porno together. Do you watch porn every day?"

"No. I enjoy it about once a week."

"That's not good."

I have a problem with trust. I don't fully trust anybody. For instance, I told you about the Jesus police during the last chapter. But the Pastor is actually a pastor. If I can't rely on him, who else is there? Am I just a lonely speck of dust floating in an unkind universe?

I got home at 6 p.m. I walked with my wife and son to Ashley's. The restaurant features the worst buffet in the world. I had a plate of crab fried rice and garlic chicken. I also ate French fries. I washed the vittles down with six huge glasses of Italian red. I became quite drunk.

We went to the cinema and watched Martin Scorcese's Silence. I didn't like the film that much. It wasn't one of Martin's best efforts. But Rice-Boy Larry couldn't take his eyes off the screen. It broke his heart. He went back home and cried. Then he lay listlessly in bed.

I said, "It wasn't real. Just pictures on a screen. Nobody actually died."

He said, "It was adapted from a true story, moron."

I said, "Good night."

I shut his bedroom door and waited for him to fall asleep. After that, I crept into bed with my wife and watched porno. We enjoyed coitus for ten minutes. That's about the best I can do these days. I'm not some young cowboy.

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