Yesterday, I went to the dentist. The guy is located in my neighborhood. He has an office on the second floor of an old worn-down building. The dentist himself is also old and worn-down. He's got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I could sense the imminent pain as I sat squirming in the chair.
He jabbed me in the gums and the roof of my mouth with a needle. I flinched and sucked air like a little girl.
Rice-Boy Larry said, "Does it hurt, Dad?"
I said, "Yeah, it goddam hurts."
I sat for five minutes. After that, he proceeded to yank on my tooth with a pair of pliers for nearly ten minutes. I broke into a massive sweat and groaned every time he jerked and pulled.
He spoke urgently to my wife in Korean.
The Dragon Lady said, "He think we should go to big hospital. Tooth not come out. Maybe surgely."
I said, "The fucking thing is only hanging by a string. Tell him to give me more Novocain. I'll be right as rain."
So he did as instructed and finally the cavity popped out. Many Koreans—even professionals—are deathly afraid of white people. They think we're magical, and they handle us with kid gloves. Trust me. If it had been a black man sitting in that chair, he'd have treated him a lot less gently. My pale skin is both a curse and a blessing. Oh well. What's a boy to do?
I walked home and immediately went to my bedroom. I no longer hang out in the living room. I hate talking to my wife. All she wants to do is fight. But I couldn't escape her wrath.
"Do you think you sick?" she asked.
"My tooth hurts, but I don't have a fever."
"You not sick."
"You da cun."
"And you motha da cun."
"I don't want to fight. I'm full of blood. Yell at me tomorrow."
"She tink she special because she watch Ken. But I watch you. It more difficult watching you."
The Dragon Lady then proceeded to draft a contract in which I promised to leave her house by August 15th. I shit you not. I signed happily. The 15th is the day when my new job starts. I'd love to divorce my wife and settle down with a 25-year-old Chinese piece of ass. Tight young pussy would be such an exquisite pleasure. But I have kids and must put those thoughts behind me.
I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Korea has a new president. His name is Moon. The other president got impeached. I stay out of domestic affairs. I'm not even sure if this country is actually a democracy. The last thing I want is to end up in prison.
I drove to school at 7 a.m. I arrived early to give another series of AP tests. What a fucking pain in the ass. The students came a few minutes late, and I blew a gasket. They all got detentions. Perhaps I was too harsh. With that said, sometimes a teacher has to crack the whip.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...