Chapter 19

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Yesterday, I woke up at eight a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. A Korean naval officer was arrested for kidnapping and assaulting his Thai ex-girlfriend. This young lady owed the man nearly two thousand dolla. So he and his wife forced her into a car and beat her for nearly an hour as they drove to the city of Kwangju.

Many Koreans don't hold Southeast Asians in high esteem. These folks are often abused by the locals. They come here to do the work that many Koreans consider dirty and dangerous. They're frequently ripped off by their employers and are promptly deported if they complain about their working conditions.

I spent the day teaching English to my wife's students. We drove to five different apartment complexes in our Hyundai Santa Fe.

English is in big demand here on the peninsula. Those who speak the lingua franca often get better jobs than their counterparts.

I brought along a book to enjoy during the downtime. I'm currently reading A Marginal Jew by John P. Meier. John is a papist who works at the University of Notre Dame. He's considered a great scholar. And, even though I'm not a Catholic, I have to tell you the truth. His writing style is wonderful, and his books are very thought provoking.

With that said, here's the problem with A Marginal Jew. The historical Jesus is very depressing. One must ask oneself some very difficult questions. For instance, was Christ actually born in Bethlehem? Father Meier believes that the Bethlehem story is a steaming pile of horseshit. According to him, The Savior was probably born and raised in Nazareth. He also points out the contradictions in the Infancy Narratives present in Luke and Matthew. And he's absolutely correct. But as an evangelical, I prefer a bible that is harmonious—even if I have to lie to myself.

Another disturbing question is whether or not the historical Jesus could actually read and write. The thought of an illiterate Christ makes my asshole pucker with fear. Thankfully, Father Meier postulates that Jesus was fully functional in Aramaic and Hebrew, and probably had a working knowledge of Greek.

Here's the biggest question: Why was Jesus actually crucified? For instance, the Romans didn't put philosophers, healers, or miracle workers to death. Christ's words and actions infuriated the powers that be so much so that the nailed him to a tree. He was definitely seen as a criminal by his society.

As a law-abiding citizen, I prefer the domesticated Christ. I'd like to think that The Savior loves fat greasy harmless bastards like me. But I could be dead wrong. These questions are very dear to me because my true goal is to become a garbage man in The Kingdom of Heaven. If Jesus doesn't hand me the keys to my shiny new garbage truck, then my whole existence has been a shit sandwich.

I returned to my concrete Soviet-style apartment and had coitus with my wife. I try to fuck three to four times a week. But I'm not getting any younger. Plus my back still hurts. I can no longer endure strenuous sex episodes. Therefore, I try to keep my copulating to under fifteen minutes per session.

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