Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant called Orca. We ate spicy chicken served on a bed of glass noodles. I didn't enjoy the meal. The establishment charged a ton of money for just a little bit of food. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. I got nice and drunk. I usually don't imbibe on a school night, but now that I'm off to China, I'm starting to feel the stress. The alcohol helps take the edge off.
To be honest, I can't remember how I got home. I must have walked. My wife claims that I went to bed at 10 p.m. That's news to me. I should probably put the cork back in the bottle. But wisdom has never been one of my stronger qualities.
I woke up this morning at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. An 83-year-old Korean man from Seoul murdered his Vietnamese daughter-in-law with a knife. He stabbed her in the neck and back while she was sleeping. The unfortunate woman eventually bled out. The reason? This geezer claims that she treated him without the proper respect.
Lots of poor Korean men can't find Korean wives. So they go to places like Vietnam and China in order to locate willing brides. These ladies often end up in unpleasant abusive relationships. It's hard to get along with Koreans. They're completely fucked up in the head. Their condition seems genetic to me. But what do I know?
The Dragon Lady made me bacon and rice cake for breakfast. The meal was quite good. After that, I drove Rice-Boy Larry to school. We listened to AC/DC as we drove. Larry loves heavy metal.
I ran to the morning meeting. I made it just in the nick of time. I can't remember a fucking word that anybody said. I just smiled and nodded like the village retard. I'm wonderful that way.
Crazy Bev handed in her last essay. The topic of the essay was me. She writes that I am her favorite teacher. However, she then goes on to call me a glorified babysitter. She also says that the professor who gave me a college degree should be horse whipped. I shit you not.
I've decided to give her an A. I'm out of here in a couple of months, so what the fuck do I care? Furthermore, maybe she's right. Perhaps I am a retard.
The Vice Principal came to see me. He told me that he got a call from the local department of education.
He said, "Because of your visa status, we have been instructed to treat you as if you were a citizen."
I'm a permanent resident of Korea.
I said, "What does that mean?"
"You basically have tenure. It would practically take an act of God for us to fire you. It's something you might want to think about before you resign."
I called The Dragon Lady. "I have tenure."
"What dat mean?"
"I can't be fired from this job."
"You not fire. You quit da job."
"You don't understand."
"What I not understand? I understand. You da fucken idiot."
I hung up the phone in frustration. But I'm just as happy. I don't want to stay in Korea. I want one more adventure before I die.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...