Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made shrimp fried rice for dinner. The meal tasted pretty good. I ate every last morsel on my plate. My wife is the Asian Martha Stewart. She excels in all things feminine.
I went to the bedroom and watched Gangland Undercover on my computer. The show is about a snitch who spies on the Mongol and Outlaw motorcycle clubs. The atmosphere is very tense. A guy could get killed pulling that type of nonsense.
The Dragon Lady's cellphone rang. It was my sister-in-law who lives in Taiwan. They talked for five minutes. After that, my wife ran into the room.
She said, "I not go to China. It too cold. I not rike da cold."
I said, "That's fine. Just stay in Korea."
"I not want Kolea, eider. I not want to work. I sick."
"Then don't work."
"I tol you I not rike China. Why you go China? Why not udder countlee?"
"The other countries aren't calling me back. China is the hotspot these days."
Her face became a mask of anger. "I not rike China! You such a cun."
She tried to punch my computer, but I moved it out of the way in time.
There was no reasoning with her. She gets hysterical from time to time. So I just left the room. Sometimes, I wish I were a cavemen. During these kinds of moments, I could just beat her in the head with a club and lock her in the bathroom.
I prayed to Jesus. I asked him to kill my wife. Then I told him that I was only joking. But I do hope the impending thyroid removal improves her mood swings. I can't handle the emotional ups and downs. I'm honestly beginning to hate women.
I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. An American aircraft carrier is now speeding toward North Korea. President Trump is trying to put the fear of God into crazy Kim Jong-Un. I don't fear war. Nor do I fear death. In fact, I often look forward to the grave. It will be a nice long rest from The Dragon Lady. I just hope that she isn't buried next to me. That would certainly be a drag.
I drove Rice-Boy Larry to school. His mood was shitty due to lack of sleep. The kid simply can't handle being Asian. All that studying is turning him into a grouch.
He said, "You squished my sandwich!"
I said, "I don't even have your sandwich."
He said, "It's in my bag, and you ruined it."
"You put my bag on the floor of the car."
He was right. So I picked the bag up and placed it on the passenger seat.
"No, it's not good. I'm just going to throw it away."
I ran to the morning meeting and barely made it on time. One of the faculty gave a devotion about a relationship between a lion and a cow. I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. So I just smiled and nodded like the village idiot. I'm wonderful that way.
I checked my email. An international school in Vietnam turned me down. But that's OK. If I'm going to move, then I'd rather go to China. I'm looking forward to seeing oodles and oodles of snow.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...