Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. Three men video-taped the chairman of Samsung giving money to a young Korean prostitute. They used the tape to extort the company. The prosecution believes that Samsung paid the blackmailers nearly half a million dollars. However, the lawyers for the corporation claim that no cash was exchanged.
The Dragon Lady was in a foul mood. Her Grave's Disease is wreaking havoc yet again. She's now seeing a specialist in Daejeon.
She said, "I not come home tonight till nine."
"That's OK. I'll take Rice-Boy Larry to Dang Dang Chicken."
She became furious. "Not Dang Dang Chicken! It too expensive! Are you da idiot? You go McDonald."
"OK. I go McDonald. Jeez."
I drove Larry to school in my sixteen-year-old Samsung car. It's still running well—even though the springs often groan in misery. We listened to music on the way. My boy loves rock and roll. He's a dancing fool.
Later, I met the Pastor and talked to him in private.
I said, "I'm kind of pissed."
"I heard about your professional development meeting. What happened?"
"Those assholes called Paul and King David a couple of fags."
A look of shock passed over his face. "You're kidding! Who's in charge of that group?"
The Pastor's eyes lit up like a pinball machine. He despises Mr. Lipps.
"And what did he say about those comments?"
"He didn't say anything. He's a real liberal. Lipps loves the fags."
"You've got to tell the Principal."
"I don't want to make waves. I'm just going to email the guy and try to get in another group."
"Well, you can do what you want. But I won't let this stand."
My first class went rather poorly. One of the girls was having a bad day. This particular student can be quite moody. She became very angry when she heard my stance on transgendered bathrooms.
I said, "Those dirty perverts need to stay out of the women's room."
She shook her head in disgust. "They have a disease! Haven't you heard of transgender dysphoria?"
"A pervert is a pervert is a pervert."
"I'm leaving this class. You have no right to fill me with your sick political viewpoints."
"You're the one who asked me."
"I don't care. You should keep your opinions to yourself."
"This is a conservative Christian school. I'm not required to bow to the LGBT community."
Later, I went to see the Principal. He's very tall and wears a suit every day. He must have his clothes custom made. He's way too big to buy his garments off the rack. He smiled and shook my hand. Then he beckoned me to a nearby chair.
"I read your email, and I heard about that meeting. The gossip is all over the school. Fiery stuff. What set you off?"
"The first thing was being told that the heroes of the Old Testament were just a bunch of genocidal maniacs."
He laughed. "Whoever said that must be an idiot."
"Then they started calling Paul and King David a couple of fags."
"And what did Mr. Lipps say?"
"Not much. He's very liberal."
"It might be time for Mr. Lipps to go."
I was shocked. "Why? He's a hard worker."
"It doesn't matter how hard he works if he keeps doing everything wrong." He smiled. "Besides, I can't have these liberals telling the children that homosexuality is OK. If that gets out, then why would parents pay money to send their kids here? They can learn that type of garbage in the public schools."
I left the office feeling defeated. The last thing I wanted to do was put somebody's job in jeopardy. It's time that I start thinking about removing my head from my asshole.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...