Yesterday, I woke up at one p.m. and drank a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The highest paid foreign baseball player in Korea is an American pitcher named Dustin Nippert. Last year, he won the MVP award. Dustin just signed a one year contract for over two million dollars. Not bad work if you can get it.
My favorite Korean baseball team used to be the Samsung Lions. But I've recently switched my allegiance to the Incheon-based SK Wyverns. Their new manager in an American. I want to give my fellow countryman all of my support. I even plan to take a train and watch some of the games.
Chinese New Year is right around the corner. It's the biggest holiday on the peninsula. Families meet and bow to the ghosts of their dead ancestors. The kiddies also bow to their grandparents in order to make a few extra bucks. Chinese New Year is a lot of pagan bullshit. But I often use it as an excuse to get blind drunk.
The Dragon Lady packed a lot of suitcases. I had to carry them down four flights of stairs and load them into our Hyundai Santa Fe. The strain on my heart was enormous. I thought I would die. Unfortunately, I survived.
My wife said, "Do you want to dwive?"
I said, "I don't mind."
Rice-Boy Larry said, "Don't let him drive. He's terrible. He follows all the traffic rules. It'll take forever to get there."
She said, "You shut da mouth. He you fadda. Show some lespect."
My wife's family lives in a city called Daejon. It's located near the center of the country. The hardest part about long distance driving is listening to the K-pop on the radio. To make matters worse, my wife blares the music like an out-of-control teenager.
We stopped along the way at a rest area in order to eat. Rice-Boy Larry had a meal called donkas. Donkas is battered pork smothered in a nasty brown sauce. I hate the stuff, but my youngest son can't get enough of it. My wife had trout with the head still on, and I settled for noodles and fish-cake.
We finally arrived at my brother-in-law's house at six p.m. He's a wealthy man who drives a Range Rover and a Mercedes. He makes teeth for a living and sells his wares to dentists throughout the city.
My brother-in-law gave me several large bottles of Chinese beer. I love the stuff. He also opened a bottle of Scotch and a bottle expensive cognac. I'm really not into hard liquor. All that alcoholic power knocks me off my feet.
He said, "How Ken?"
I said, "Good."
He said, "Crass lanking high?"
I said, "America different. It not work that way."
He said, "In high crass?"
I said, "Ken in high class for math and science."
He said, "Nice."
My brother-in-law's English isn't that good, but it's better than my Korean.
He went on to consume the entire bottle whiskey. He vomited later in the night. I could hear him heaving his guts out in the bathroom. Maybe I'm a bastard, but his pain made me smile.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...