Yesterday, I woke up at six a.m. with a huge boner. So I went ahead and screwed my wife. I try to fuck three to four times a week. I find that it keeps my partner somewhat happy. But I'm no spring chicken, and all that moving and shaking is dangerous for a man of my age. I now have a terrible backache. I can barely move.
I drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. Young married Koreans are no longer having children. In fact, Korea has the lowest birthrate in the world. If this trend continues, the Korean race will disappear in less than a hundred years. Ho-hum.
I got reacquainted with an old buddy from high school over Facebook. When I knew him, Bob was a successful athlete and scholar. His SAT scores were off the charts.
He said that he was proud of me. According to Bob, it takes a big set of nuts to live as an expat.
I felt obligated to tell him the truth. My life has been a series of failures. For instance, after I got my college degree, I attended law school at the University of Houston for one year. However, my grades were atrocious, so they booted me from the program.
This failure doesn't haunt me. In fact, I'm grateful that it didn't work out. Being a lawyer is one of the most miserable jobs on the face of the planet. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Lots of attorneys spend their careers doing research at an anonymous firm for subsistence wages. I call them the basement dwellers. That type of life just isn't for me.
So I went back to college and received a secondary teaching certificate in English. I taught high school for several years in the great state of Texas. But I got burned-out. Teaching in America is mainly about classroom control. I often felt like a zookeeper. I finally decided to use my degree to become a world traveler.
Then Bob told me his depressing life story. He got caught cultivating and selling marijuana by the powers that be back when he was twenty-one years old. He was given a three-year sentence in a federal penitentiary. His cellmate tried to rape him, so he nearly killed the man with a shank. This led to more time.
Eventually he got released and worked in a paint company with his step-father. His step-father died, and the company collapsed. Bob became addicted to drugs and alcohol. He went to rehab many times but always seemed to relapse. He finally found Jesus and got his head straight.
Unfortunately, he was then a victim of a hit and run. The girl who ran him down stepped out of the car just to make sure that he was still alive before speeding away. It took a year of physical therapy before he was up and about again.
After that, Bob went blind. Luckily, he got his vision back after a series of operations.
Now he's having heart problems and is scheduled to go under the knife sometime next year. Life can truly be a motherfucker.
I prayed to God before going to bed. I want Christ to know that I'm on his team.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...