Last night I couldn't fall asleep. The weather was just too hot, and I'm too broke to run the air conditioner. Electricity in Korea costs a fortune. I went out to the kitchen and drank three bottles of beer. I also talked to my eldest son Ken.
"Next year, you can come visit us in Beijing. I think you'll really like it."
"Are you nuts? I'm not going to Beijing. I'm going to stay in Texas and make money working a part-time job."
"I think you'll really like China."
"The closest I want to get to that country is PF Chang's."
"You're going to be a waiter?"
"They make big tips."
Our conversation woke up The Dragon Lady. She emerged from her bedroom with a sour look on her visage.
"You dwink da beer! I not tell you it OK to dwink da beer."
"I don't need permission to consume a little alcohol."
"You da cun."
"Why am I a cunt?"
"I not buy da beer anymore. You not dwink again."
"I don't need you to buy me beer. I can buy my own damn beer."
"Are you da single man?" She shook her head back and forth. "Cun."
"I'm not a cunt! Stop calling me that."
She walked back into her bedroom.
The Dragon Lady and I haven't slept together in months. But I must tell you the truth. Her moods are getting a lot better since she swallowed the radioactive iodine. Don't get me wrong. The woman's still a rotten bitch. However, she can't seem to maintain her anger due to a lack of energy. These days, her rage mainly consists of short fits and bursts. After that, peace is usually restored to my humble abode. I hope this trend continues.
I finally managed to fall asleep. I didn't dream. I woke up at six a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. Twenty-seven whorehouses in Seoul were recently closed by the powers that be. The peninsula is absolutely polluted with bordellos. You can't throw a rock without hitting one. I'm just glad that Christ is against paying for sex. Why? Christian school teachers simply can't afford to fornicate here in the Hermit Kingdom. Pussy is far too expensive.
I drove Rice-Boy Larry to school. He practiced singing in the car. Larry has a school recital today at 2 p.m. That boy loves to sing and dance. He's a dancing fool.
I ran to the morning meeting. I made it just in the nick of time. I can't remember a single word that anyone said. Perhaps I have Alzheimer's Disease.
I talked to The Pastor. We discussed the school's future—not that I stay up nights worried about such matters.
He said, "The Principal's long-term plan was rejected by the Education Committee. He's pretty upset."
I nodded my head knowingly, even though I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. I'm wonderful that way. I can appear quite sincere to the average swinging dick.
"What beef does the committee have?" I asked.
"They don't want an international school for Chinese kids."
I wasn't surprised. Koreans are pleased if blond-headed children play with their precious little ones. But they have no love in their hearts for yellow people who hail from other nations. On the peninsula, white is right when it comes to international education. No other color is tolerated.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...