Yesterday, I woke up at 7 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. The Korean president was thrown out of office. Her dismissal led to fierce riots in Seoul. Three people were killed in the chaos. Countless others were injured and sent to hospital.
It's weird how Seoul is almost its own country. The city certainly doesn't represent the rest of the peninsula. In Pusan, everything remains calm. Nobody gives a flying fuck that Madame President is out on her ear. People continue to eat, drink, and copulate as if nothing happened.
But I'm biased. I've always hated Seoul. The city attracts the worst of the Korean assholes.
I caught a cold. My throat ached and my chest was congested. The Dragon Lady gave me a cup of Theraflu. The medicine is quite potent. It knocked me on my ass. I slept until noon.
Chan ho's mother called my wife. She's the head of the parents' association. She claimed that one of the missionary kids isn't a real Christian—whatever that means. She now wants all the students to resubmit a pastor's letter to the school.
Chan ho's mother is a real pistol. She gets into everybody's business. She even had an elementary school teacher fired for not being a real Christian. She accused the woman of belonging to a cult. The leadership then gave the teacher in question the axe.
I drove to the school with my family at 1:30 p.m. There was a parents meeting at two. Lots of people showed up. But things went off smoothly. The principal talked about Abraham Kiper, and the vice-principal went over the curriculum with the audience. There was no discussion of real and fake Christians. I was a tad disappointed. Controversy keeps me awake.
We went shopping for shirts. My wife found five sweatshirts in my size. The only problem is that the phrase cat-girl is printed across the chest. We bought them, anyway. It's tough to find clothes for fat guys on the peninsula. You buy what you can.
I think my students will enjoy my new wardrobe. They like to break my balls. I don't mind. It's all in good fun.
We went to a pharmacy. Rice-Boy Larry's tooth was giving him problems.
I said, "Can you buy me some Singulair? This cold is killing me."
The Dragon Lady said, "Are you stoopid? I can't buy. You need plescription. How many times I tell you? I have some at apartment."
"Singulair is available over the counter in American."
"Does dis rook rike Amelica. Dis Kolea. Why you so stoopid?"
Sometimes, I wish that Grave's Disease would kill my wife. That's not very Christian, but I can't help myself. She's so mean and impolite. However, I keep my feelings to myself. I don't want to lose Rice-Boy Larry. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.
We went to the fish market for sashimi. We also ate tortured octopus. It was cut to pieces while still alive. Its tentacles were still squirming when it was served to us on a plate. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. A good time was had by all.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...