Chapter 3

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Yesterday, I woke up at 7 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the newspaper while taking a nasty shit. A Korean man was sentenced to three years in jail for tattooing his girlfriend's ass against her will. The tattoo claimed the poor woman as his property. It said, "This bitch will love nobody but me." On top of that, he took nude photos and threatened to post them on the internet. She had to pay nearly $30,000 to get them back. Three years seems a little light for this jackass. We certainly live in an evil broken world.

I went to church in my fifteen-year-old Samsung car. The CD player no longer works, so I drove in silence. I took a pew in the very back of the building. What I often do is check out the pretty women as they walk past me. I often imagine them naked or in various sexual positions. I'm a white man, but I find Asian females very attractive. This bad behavior is quite involuntary. For instance, I've never acted on these impulses. I've only been with one woman for the past twenty years.

Looking at attractive women seems quite natural. In fact, President Trump likes to grab them by the pussy. His words, not mine. But these dirty thoughts often make me feel like a filthy beast. For instance, is it a sin to have an erection during a church service? I would think so. And Jesus says that lust makes us all adulterers. In spite of my sinful nature, I go to church to let the Christ God know that I'm on his side. I might be a dirty old goat, but I appreciate his vision. I'd like to end up in the Kingdom of Heaven after I croak—even if I'm just a garbage man.

The regular pastor didn't preach. Instead we had a guest speaker who works as a professor at one of the local universities. The man's English was damn near perfect. And his focus was 2nd Timothy. In this particular letter, Paul tells Timothy what it takes to be a good pastor. Pastors must teach the true doctrine even if their flock wants to hear bullshit. When others bend to the will of the masses, a true spiritual leader must stay strong. Paul helped murder Saint Steven. He held the coats of the Pharisees as they stoned poor Steve to death. This always makes me feel good. If God can forgive a murderer, then He can certainly give a filthy old man a pass.

Later in the day, I bought a coffee grinder. I took it back to my villa. The Dragon Lady was thankful. She's been very nice for the past couple of days. But this will soon change. Unfortunately, the woman's a loon. And curing a crazy person isn't all that easy.

On a bright note, the cable guy was in the apartment fixing our internet connection. I spent the day relaxing on the sofa. I watched the UFC while drinking Cass beer. Cass is my favorite brand of beer in Korea. It is both smooth and delicious.

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