My dearest friends, so much has happened since I last wrote in this journal. My wife's Grave's Disease is off the charts, so on Thursday we drove back to Daejon to see a specialist. We arrived too late and spent the night at Number One Sister-In-Law's million-dollar mansion.
I drank seven large cans of German beer. After that, I started throwing back the soju like it was going out of style. Here's where it gets strange. According to the Dragon Lady, I stroked Number One Sister-In-Law's long black hair and told her that she was beautiful. I also caressed her neck in a sensual fashion.
I truly can't remember. I had a blackout. I really need to stop drinking. Talk about an embarrassing situation.
I woke up on Friday at noon. My angry wife stood over me.
She said, "My sista? Leally? My sista."
I said, "What are you talking about?"
"You touch my sista. You da disgusting pervert."
I must tell you the truth. I panicked. I thought I had rubbed her tits and pussy. I felt relieved upon learning that it was only her neck and hair.
I said, "It's not that big of a deal."
"Not big deal? Is dis Amerlican style? You son watch. He now know his daddy a pervert."
Rice-Boy Larry said, "It was pretty weird, Dad."
The Dragon Lady then went crazy and began to beat me on my arms quite violently. In fact, both my biceps are black and blue as I write this. She cried and cried and cried. She also expressed her dismay with Number One Sister-In-Law. According to my wife, the woman enjoyed my attention a little too much.
"My sista is da fucken bitch!"
My wife has the habit of constantly insulting me. She loves to remind me of how ugly I am. In fact, she often asserts that I'm way too ugly to find another woman. She also mocks my income—which actually isn't too bad. My pay and benefits come to nearly fifty grand annually. So it's kind of cool that Number One Sister-In-Law thinks that I'm an American stud. I have no plans to cheat on my wife, but I want her to know that my life is filled with options.
We drove to the Grave's Disease specialist. The doctor gave her new medication. She must go back in one month. If her levels don't go down, she might have to have her thyroid removed with iodine.
The drive home was tense. She pulled over at a rest stop just to weep. I felt like a cockroach. And here's the thing. I'm not a sex guy. I just don't have the energy it takes to be a pervert.
I said, "I didn't cheat on you. I only touched her neck and hair."
She said, "You shut da fuck up! You disgusting. You can't live with me. You go to teacha apartment."
"I'm not going."
"You not live with me. You da sick man."
We remained silent until we arrived at the villa. Then I helped her carry the luggage up the stairs.
I said, "The only thing I can do is apologize and promise to stop drinking."
Here's where stuffs becomes truly bizarre. The Dragon Lady took me to dinner. She also bought me two bottles of soju. After that, we went shopping. She purchased five new sweatshirts that she wants me to wear to work. Then we went home and had sex. Go figure.
On Saturday, she took me to Ashley's. She kept filling my wine glass with Italian red. We had more sex later that night. I just don't understand women.
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Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South KoreaHumor
This book is a modern day horror story. A man lives in hell with his crazy Korean wife. They own an apartment in the Republic of Korea located in the city of Busan. He works at a Christian school. This memoir documents the abuse he must endure at th...