Filthy Beast: The Diary of an English Teacher in South Korea

Chapter 38

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. The police busted a teenage prostitution ring. 105 people were arrested on various charges. Prostitution is a huge problem in Asia, and Korea is no exception. The peninsula is crawling with whorehouses. On the bright side, street walking is almost nonexistent.

Some believe that the world's oldest profession needs to be legalized. But I'm against peddling in flesh. All pimps should be decapitated. So let it be written, so let it be done.

I got into a fight with the Dragon Lady. She wants my mother to pay for Ken's flight. However, Mom wouldn't go for that in a million years. So my wife threatened to throw me out yet again. She often uses extortion to get what she wants.

The Dragon Lady said, "You not to come to my house tonight. You find anotha house."

I said, "We have dinner with Sam."

Sam is the physics teacher who works at my school. I'm taking him for sashimi.

"I not go."

"Don't be angry."

"You motha da cunt."

My policy these days is just to agree with everything she says. Why argue with a loon?

"You're right. She's a cunt. But she's still not paying for the plane ticket."

I drove to school in my sixteen-year-old Samsung automobile. I listened to The Day the Music Died on the radio. I haven't been back to the States in nearly a decade. Therefore, I don't know any of the new music.

I talked to a few of my younger friends. I don't understand them. Their brand of Christianity baffles me. For instance, they all love the notion of homosexual marriage. Plus they believe that girls and boys need to use the same bathroom for the sake of gender equity. Furthermore, abortion—according to them—should remain legal. But if you smoke cigarettes, you're going to hell. I shit you not.

Don't get me wrong, my dearest friends. I'm no bigot. Gay men are free to fuck each other up the ass until their hearts are content. Does Mr. Buffalo look like an intolerant Muslim? My beef is this: Why does society force me to celebrate sodomy? Sometimes, I watch porno and masturbate. But I don't ask people to pat me on the back for being a jack-off artist.

The Principal gave a morning devotion. The topic revolved around the parable of the Good Samaritan. I love my boss to death. But I never know what the fuck he's talking about. For instance, he kept on ranting about newbies, stayers, and goers. I just smiled and nodded. I'm wonderful that way.

Today is Friday. I've spent most of the afternoon preparing my classroom for the students on Monday. I really enjoy my job a lot. I'm lucky. Most people hate going to work.

Like I said before, I'm taking a co-worker for sashimi later tonight. I plan to drink two bottles of soju. It's the weekend, so I should probably fuck my wife. A little bit of dick might help with her foul mood. I just hope that Rice-Boy Larry goes to bed early.