Chapter 13

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     Yesterday, I woke up at ten a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. The Korean government is suspected of blacklisting entertainers, artists, and writers who dislike the current president. I'm not the least bit shocked. I often wonder if South Korea is actually a democracy. Freedom of speech doesn't seem to be respected by the powers that be. But what do I know?

The Dragon Lady dragged Rice-Boy Larry to a kiddie party. My wife is close friends with the head of the Parents Association. This woman has a child named Chan-ho. Little Chan-ho is a wonkta—which means outsider in Korean. None of the other little rug-rats want to associate with Chan-ho because the kid always threatens to destroy them—both physically and socially. Nevertheless, my wife often forces Rice-Boy Larry to play with the rotten little snot so that she can bask inside the glow of her friend's considerable power.

My son has nightmares about Chan-ho. He even talks about him in his sleep.

"Chan-ho is full of shit," he often declares while napping in his bed. "He never shuts up."

I called my mother using Facetime. My wife and mom hate each other with a passion, so I only call when the Dragon Lady is out of the house. It turns out that my sister is pissed at my mother.

I said, "What happened?"

She said, "I don't know."

I said, "Is it because of Ken?"

She said, "Stop that. That boy never causes a bit of trouble."

I always get paranoid about Ken's living situation. I feel ashamed that his grandmother is now covering all of his costs. She's seventy fucking years old, and I used to worry that she wasn't up to the task of watching a teenager. But she seems to be enjoying the job. Ken has brought new-found joy into her life.

She said, "I think she's angry because I didn't drive to her house for Christmas. But why would I want to go there? Her husband treats me like a douchebag."

I said, "Why didn't you invite her to your place?"

She said, "I did. But there's not enough room for all those people and animals."

My sister loves her pets. She has one dog and three cats, and takes them on all the family trips.

I changed the subject. "I might be dying. It feels like my kidney is about to pop out of my body."

And I wasn't lying. My back hasn't been the same since vigorously screwing my wife the other day. I fear that I've bruised my kidney.

She said, "You need to stop drinking all that Coke."

Later in the afternoon, I watched pornography. I know that I've preached against this sin on many occasions. But what can I say? I'm only human.

Porn is illegal in South Korea. In fact, the government has blocked most of the dirty websites. But it's tough for the powers that be to get them all.

I like watching black women with big tits getting boned by white men. The men usually ejaculate on the faces of these naughty girls. This act is called a facial. I find it quite satisfying. Does this make me a racist? I hope not.

I spent the afternoon jerking off like a filthy beast. I really enjoyed myself. 

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