Chapter 91

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Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant called Dang Dang Chicken. We ordered fried bird and spicy rice cake. The food was excellent. I'm a huge fan of poultry. It's both affordable and delicious. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. I also drank a pitcher of beer. A good time was had by all.

The Dragon Lady is finally getting better. She didn't call me a cunt one time during the entire dinner. Now that's progress.

We walked to a discount ice cream store. I purchased two small cartons of cherry and vanilla. I ate them after returning to my apartment.

One of the great things about living in Asia is the lack of street crime. I can walk wherever I want without getting my head smashed to bits by an angry lunatic. Nobody steals my wallet. Nobody hot-wires my cars. Another great aspect is that a lot of cool stuff is in walking distance. You don't have to drive every time you want to go someplace.

I fell asleep at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while taking a nasty shit. A rapist from Korea broke the terms of his probation, so he decided to flee to Australia to avoid prison. Sadly, he committed three more rapes while on the lam. The Australian authorities are sending him back to the peninsula.

There's an old lady who always gives Rice-Boy Larry a hard time. She lives on my block and collects cardboard from the trash. She gets angry when Larry doesn't treat the material with the proper respect. She was picking through our garbage this morning, and my poor son ran to the car as fast as he could.

I said, "What's the matter."

He started to cry. "Fuck you."

"I'm gonna have to dock your salary for that little outburst."

I've been trying a new discipline technique. When we move to China, I'm giving Larry 60 rmb a week. That comes to roughly ten dolla. He also has the chance to earn a five dolla weekly performance bonus. But I'm going to take his salary away if he curses or acts like a bonehead.

He said, "That's not fair. You're my father, not my boss."

"I'm both. If you want to get paid, you'll have to do as I tell you."

"Suppose you tell me to kill the president?"

"Then you had better buy a gun."

I went to the morning prayer meeting. It was cut short because we have final exams this week. Summer vacation is right around the corner. This is a very stressful time for the children. Asians take school very seriously.

I talked to The Pastor.

"I'm going to do a lot of things differently when I get to Beijing."

"Such as?"

"Even though it's a Christian school, I'm going to swim in the shallow end of the pool."


"I shall keep my mouth shut to the best of my abilities."

I find that younger Christians are just as bad as dirty atheists. They believe in sodomy. They have nothing against abortion. They have no moral qualms regarding euthanasia. These kids are nothing more than glorified social justice warriors. Most think that the bible is a bunch of bullshit, so they simply make up the morality as they go along.

And that's fine with me. The last thing I want is an argument. I want to live in peace.

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