At His Feet

Some thoughts about Saul (Old Testament)

Saul, I think, is an example of what not to fall into; the fear of man. It's interesting to see how the story of Saul takes a turn downward, seeing him disobey God, and thus Samuel being led to David to become the new king of Israel.

What gets me is this; if you read the beginning of Saul's story, you would see a slight change from the person he becomes later on. Saul starts out insecure (he hid in baggage when people tried to make him king and didn't tell his uncle that God made him king). Yet, he was filled with God's Holy Spirit and mobilized an army to save their fellow people when they fell into trouble. He ignored the people who didn't want him to be king and even spared their lives when others wanted to kill them. He gave God the glory for the victory of the battle. In the beginning, it seemed like maybe he was a good choice so...what happened?

Where did he drop the ball?

When did he start caring more about being liked by people than obeying and being liked by God?

It makes me wonder why we get self conscious around people, why the thought of being made fun of makes our stomachs churn and our face cringe? I grew up being made fun of, I was called a lot of things, so it shouldn't bother me right? So why does it?

What I see when I read the story of Saul, is someone I could easily become if I do not respond correctly to this warning and that scares me. I don't want to become a Saul who chose people over God; whose self consciousness won over faith.

That is some scary stuff.

I want God to be first and always the only one on the throne in my heart. I want to be more like David whose heart ran after God's own heart and didn't care who saw it; he seemed like such a free person, dancing for God and only for God. I long for that; to not care about people's thoughts of me or what they say - to simply laugh at their insults and not care.

I wonder if fear and self consciousness stems from pride? I mean, pride pushes God away and it does not enjoy being "weak" in front of others or admitting its wrong. Pride is easily riled up by what people say and do and what makes it scary is that pride can hide itself in a lot of ways, waiting to lash out at the perfect opportunity. Sounds crazy right but think about it. If a person didn't have pride, imagine what would happen? Would we care if we cried in front of people or do something that humbles us. Would we focus on the eyes of others or not?

Father God,

Thank You for the reminder of what the fear of man can do to me; how it can stop my growth in You. Please keep me and my siblings away from fear of people. God, You HAVE already given us freedom to live for you and worship You and love You with our everything, please help us to walk in that freedom that You gave us. God, please help us overcome self conscious, give us joy when we are mocked, insulted, and turned away from. I just ask that You will remind us of Your great love and that You NEVER EVER will leave us. Help us to obey You and Love You with our everything and not let ANYTHING hold us back. God thank You that You love us, that You hold us close. You give us victory and freedom and wisdom, everything we need to survive this world. God, thank You that joy can not be found in people or in situations or in this world but it is found in You! God, thank You, my God and my fortress; my shepherd and Father that always provides and cares for my siblings and I. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

God, let Your will be done for my life.

I love You.