At His Feet

A Little Romance for Us.

Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) 1:1-4
She
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth -
For your love is more delightful than wine.

Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
Your name is like a perfume poured out.

No wonder the young women love you -
Let us hurry!

Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Friends
We rejoice and delight in you;
We will praise your love more than wine.

She
How they are right to adore you!

I think the thing that stands out to me is how God allowed this in the bible, knowing that Solomon would mess up when it came to women. The man (Solomon) married over 1000 women (700 wives and 300 concubines.) and all of them were women that God specifically told him not to marry!

However, the song is not about Solomon. Maybe he wrote it about himself, but really, I say its about God. I say this because even in the most mess up person or 'simple' looking person - God can use ANYBODY to bring His point across. I mean, Jesus told the pharisees that if the disciples (who were all jacked up in their own ways too) stopped praising Him, then the rocks will break out in praise.

God (Jesus) even used a donkey to bring his point across!

This, again, shocks me and comforts me because I'm jacked up. There's a lot of me that I'm pretty sure would scare others away - however, God said He can use me. This is proof.

Song of Songs intimidates me because its kind of like the rated r show in the bible - it touches on very personal stuff about a man and a woman who are very much in love and the woman just is desperate for the man. She's looking for him everywhere and the man described the woman's beautiful in an interesting way that kind of makes me blush.

When I read it, it's cringy to read and hard to understand. I never dated. I never been on a date with a man or allowed myself to get that close to a man where I'm comfortable with showing affection or letting him describe me in the intimate sense like this book.

I'm not against love and I like to picture romance (I got a sweet tooth;) but I guess I project romance in real life (meaning out of the novels I read) as a crash and burn type of thing. The reason for my crippled view: my family and friends.

My family has a legacy of divorce to them. No matter the reason(s), a lot of my relatives I grew up around got divorced. My sister and her husband are the only ones that I know of that God used to break that chain - in my life. So there is hope but I struggle with the concept of romance because of how unfair it looks. How much either one person gives their all - to the point of obsession - and becomes easily depressed when its not returned; that or the hypocritical happiness couples post on the outside, while inside, they talk nothing but smack about the other to a third person, yet never once do they talk it out with the other.

That or "its either you work on yourself to please me or we are done." It just feels like one wrong move and I can easily get tossed away.

I have bitterness towards romance. I long for romance but there is a huge part of me that is scared of it because what if I open myself up in that deep way and my worst fears all happen? How could anyone stand that?

But like I wrote before that melancholy: the song is not about Solomon: it is about God. Which leads me to believe that maybe God wants that kind of intimacy with us. Not a sexual intimacy (don't get it twisted) but the kind of intimacy that is deep and beautiful - where like lovers, we both want each other on a personal level.

I mean, we (the church) are called 'The Bride of Christ.' - getting married means commitment and loving each other through thick and thin, good and bad times, in healthy and sickness. It also means sharing our lives and everything, especially the deepest part of ourselves, with each other.

In view of all this, the song opens up with the woman, madly in love with the man and wanting to be near him, in his presence. At first glance, the woman seems obsessed but is she? She is life the female version of david, I think.

David wrote in one of his psalm how he thirsts for God like a deer pants for water. That all he wants is to be in God's dwelling place - to be in God's house all the days of his life.

God is love, so being in His presence is sweet. The words of the female reminds me of David's prayers. She just wants to be with her lover: in his chamber (presence) and she says that his love is sweeter than wine. She also mentions that his fragrance is pleasing and that his name is like a fragrance poured out. This leads me to believe that the guy is with her, close. Also, because in the next line, she says, "Let the king bring me into his chambers."

I mean, you have to be close to someone to notice his perfume (cologne?) and to say "your love is sweeter than wine." I don't think a girl whose feelings are unreturned will say those things.

After that, the girl's friend says, "We rejoice and delight in you;
We will praise your love more than wine."

What comes to my mind is how deep God's love must be for me and for you. Not only is He our Father that adopts us and loves us even when our own parents abandons us. Not only is He our Brother looking out for us and sacrificed Himself for us, but what if God wants to be a lover too?

It's a weird way of saying it but think about it? What do all couples say about one another (especially if they are married)? "They are my best friend and closet confidence" right? I mean, I'll use my sister and her husband as an example.

Now, God worked so much on those two and He used them to break the cycle of divorce. So they are pretty much the main example of what a healthy marriage looks like to me. What I know is this: my sister prioritizes her husband before anyone else. God is the center, and her husband is next. They share EVERYTHING with one another and I mean EVERYTHING! Like no secrets whatsoever! If I tell my sister something, I trust that she will not betray me by telling other relatives or people my business - however, I know that she WILL tell her husband because she is open with him and trust him more than me. Which, I'm ok with because he's a good man and doesn't blab about others.

They are intimate with one another to the point that they are ok with just being in the same room and talking - they want that closeness with each other and I'm positive my sister would say her husband is her best friend.

Given that, i'm thinking that God wants that too from us.

Now let's go back to all my fears with romantic love: What if my biggest fears with romance, I'm projecting onto God. Like my fear of giving my all to someone and opening my heart wide to the point it is obsessive looking and not getting my love returned...what if I am doing that to God?

God gave His everything for me. He calls me His masterpiece, and He proves to me over and over that though I sin daily, He's not giving up on me. And yet, I struggle to open myself up to him the way this girl opens herself.

God, my view of romance is crippled and distorted. I wrestle with the thought of romance being good and a huge part of my heart fears it greatly. I thought maybe that this was just towards dating but it seems I projected my fears onto You. God, forgive my foolishness and help me to overcome this distorted mindset. Show me what true romance is and help me to return Your love like the girl in the song: desperate and intoxicated with You. God, please help me, because I don't know if I change on my own and break the walls around my own heart. Please, forgive me, and help me to love You and want to love You - not out of unhealthy fear and obligation, but out of Your love for me and reverence. I'm not sure I'm making sense but help me, Lord, and thank You for fixing the parts of my heart that are broken, prideful, and afraid of pain. Please continue to work on me, in Jesus holy and blessed name, amen.