At His Feet

2/7/22: Hagar

Genesis 16:9-13
The angel of the Lord said to her, "Sarai is your owner. Go home to her and obey her." The angel of the Lord also said, "From you will come many people—too many people to count."

Then the angel of the Lord said,"Hagar, you are now pregnant,and you will have a son.You will name him Ishmael,[a]because the Lord has heard that you were treated badly.Ishmael will be wild and freelike a wild donkey.He will be against everyone,and everyone will be against him.He will move from place to placeand camp near his brothers."The Lord talked to Hagar. She began to use a new name for God. She said to him, "You are 'God Who Sees Me.'" She said this because she thought, "I see that even in this place God sees me and cares for me!"

This vacation had been different; I find myself mourning and wallowing in disappointment that the place I thought was my getaway - my perfect oasis - turned out to be the same as the place I left. I think I idolized this side of my family and thought that they were different than my dad's side but I'm coming to see that that's not true: they are flawed and that's ok, but it's a complete blow to my expectations. With that shattered fantasy comes sadness and bitterness.

I guess the thing I wanted was peace; a place to hide from the situations waiting for me back home. It's not the people I'm stressed over but the situations I see and the negativity I'm caught in.

Hagar was in that same scenario: she never asked to be given to Abram and have sex with him. She didn't ask to carry Ishmael. She never asked to be given to Sarai as a slave or to leave her home country and be taken to Canaan. Like the rest of us, life just threw itself at Hagar and she swam the best she could until it became too much. When Sarai became cruel to her, Hagar did what I would do: run.

I can see her side of things: what's the point of keeping on, keeping on? Staying within that place brought her so much pain and also reminded her that though she's a concubine with a child - she's still nothing in the eyes of others. She's still her and her mistress will still hate her.Running would be the logical solution in that situation. However, God told her to go back, and He told her she will have many people too because her son is also a child of Abraham. God looked for her and spoke to her and Hagar saw that God cared for her.It's the same here: When I force my eyes off my shattered expectations, I see that God is still speaking to me and calling me. He cares for me and is reminding me that my stability comes from HIM. He's my peace and my constant help in the darkness I find myself in. He's the one who protects me and also tells me to go back - but go back knowing and trusting He is with me and won't leave me to fend for myself. When I go back; God will make a way where there's no way and He will sustain me when I feel defeated and afraid.God's got me in the palm of His hand and from what I remember - that's the best place to be.

Father God,
When I go back, help me to not run away again and keep me as the apple of Your eye as well. Help me to become the woman You are calling me to be and help me to shine Your light in the darkness at home. God, I pray for a place of my own one day: it doesn't have to be big or fancy or even in the best neighborhood. I want a place where it's ours; Yours and mine. I want a home. Thank You for searching for me and reminding me of who You are and that You care and see me. Thank You to whoever reads this and needs this; please bless them and comfort their hearts as well. Father God, I pray this in Your holy and blessed name, in Jesus' name, amen.