Chapter 55

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It had been a strange past few couple of days. 

First, I had an awkward "Safe Sex" talk with mom and Mike, and then I got an offer from some celebrity gossip show asking me to come on and talk about my collab with Avi-- Which I rejected. 

But the strangest part of all was when Alex one day when he came over to hang out asked me to be his date for homecoming.

I of course was shocked and didn't know how to respond.

"Come on Mitchoo, It'd be so much fun!"

"I don't know, Al. Kirst is trying to convince me as well, but I'm just not sure I'd have any fun, you know?"

 "Why? Kirstie and everyone would love to see you there! And I would love for you to... To um-- be my date?"

I felt my face heat up. I was speechless. 

He wanted us to go as dates?

I thought we were always just friends, like family even. Brothers. At least, that's how I viewed us and our relationship being.

"Well? Are you going to say anything at all?" 

I shake my head, trying to slow down my thoughts so I don't have an anxiety attack. "I'm sorry... I'm just going through a weird time right now."

"And I know that, Mitch. We're best friends and I've always been there for you. But... I-I like you a lot, and I think we should be more than just friends." 

That was a bold statement, that he's always been there for me.  Where was he when I was bawling my eyes out and considering taking my own life? He's only there for me when it's convenient for him (Much like most of the people in my life).

I felt tears well up in my eyes at the thought. The only person who's really been there for me without fail and even when it isn't convenient for them is Scott. To ease my anxiety, make me believe in myself, and love me unconditionally. It's always been Scott. 

I let out a large exhale and mentally encouraged my self to tell him the truth about how I feel. It wouldn't be fair to Alex if I led him on due to anxiety and not wanting  to hurt his feelings... or our friendship.

"Alex, we-- You're like a big brother to me. Our friendship means too much and I just, I don't see us like that."

And it's as though rejecting Alex made me realize how much I really love Scott.

He immediately tenses up. "Really? Well, okay then. I- I have to go now... I just need to-- Yeah."

As he quickly exits my bedroom I swear I catch tears in his eyes, but it could just be my imagination.

In the blink of an eye, I ruined one of my most important relationships. 

The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Alex's feelings or ruin our friendship. I had no idea he was into me in that way. Kirstie would sometimes hint at it, but I never payed it much thought because I thought we both thought of each other as siblings. 

I let out a painful sob when I think of how Alex must be feeling.

--

The days after my Alex drama are much better. 

Kirstie and I talk out everything and she convinces me that, according to Alex, he doesn't hate me for rejecting him. 

And then Nicole and I go dress shopping for homecoming together, which was a lot of fun. We got our nails done after and I felt "feminine" and beautiful. 

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