Chapter 67

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I lay little-spoon in Joshua's arms as we cuddle.

I turned my head back to see if he had fallen asleep yet, which was confirmed by his soft snores and relaxed facial expression. 

I smile gently to myself. Leaving Josh, if only for 2 days, was difficult for the both of us. Neither of us had ever left Texas before and Josh had to work and wasn't able to come with me to California. 

But I don't know if he even really wanted to come with me. He supports my youtube career and singing, but I don't think he likes my modeling as much. He's old-fashioned and traditional, so he wants me to be modest. 

I will admit, when we first got together I was more conservative. But now as I'm growing up and almost 19, I like to experiment with expression. Plus, I'm actually getting comfortable in my own body and want to show it off with my modeling.

Josh says that I'm a bit of an "exhibitionist". I naturally take it as a compliment. 

Anyway, when I got back from california he picked me up from the airport and took me back to his place, where I've been staying for the past 5 days. 

I love his house. We've talked about moving in together, but I didn't want to rush anything. We've only been together for a little over a year. 

Josh often spoke about marriage, and to be honest it scares me. Because I do love him and want to be with him, but I'm not sure if I could commit to something like that yet. He may be at the right age and ready, but I'm too young. 

I always knew I was attracted to older men, so when I met Josh at the bank I was immediately smitten. 

He helped me open my first bank account and afterwards insisted he would need me to give him my phone number so he could "contact" me for "bank reasons". It was cheesy and maybe even a little creepy, but when he actually texted me saying I was beautiful and asking if he could take me out for coffee, I couldn't resist. I do like to tease him about the whole thing, though. 

I sigh, checking the alarm-clock it was past 3 AM and I was too anxious to sleep. Even being wrapped up in my love's arms, I still felt immense worry.

How would my friends and family react tomorrow when I tell them that I'm going to accept the job in California? How would Josh react? 

What if Kirstie hates me for leaving her? We always talked about moving to California together, and now I was gonna go without her while she stays here in college. 

I sigh again, unable to get comfortable. I shift my body over, turning to face Josh.

Sometimes watching him fall asleep would help me fall asleep. 

I turn to look at Josh, but Josh is already looking back at me drowsily. 

"Darling?" Josh asks with his thick country accent. 

He sounded raspy and hot, so I blushed a little. 

He pushes my bangs away from my eyes, his fingers trailing down my face and resting on my neck. He uses the side of his thumb to caress my collarbone. "Why are you awake? Anxious again, darling?"

He knew me so well, always so gentle and attentive. I could tell him anything and he always knew what to say. 

Maybe it's because he's so mature... It's what I love the most about him. People judge us all of the time for our age difference, but we're only a little less than 10 years apart. My grandparents were 11 years apart. Age is just a number. 

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