Chapter 63

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Sorry. This one is kinda sad. 😬😥



After Esther told me about Mitch's plans to move up to LA in a month I chose to pretend like she never told me, because it wasn't any of my business afterall...

And well, let's just say that pretending only lasted a week before I started to wonder. 

Why was he moving to LA? Could it be because of a relationship? I fucking hope not. Maybe a job? That's more realistic.

What if he was moving back for me? Definitely not. 

I drove myself crazy wondering and wondering, but I couldn't ask Esther. She would question the shit out me for asking about Mitch.

 I was so damn curious but like they say, "curiousity killed the cat." I refused to end up as roadkill on "Mitch Grassi Boulevard", so I tried to just forget about it. It would eventually slip my mind. Right?


On the 2nd week since finding out that Mitch Grassi would be moving to LA, I grew anxious. I could hardly sleep at night as Mitch Grassi consumed my every thought, my every dream. 

I dreamt that he came back and we were together again. Happy and in love, like we once were. It was the hardest reality to wake up and instantly know it wasn't real. 

On the 3rd week, one week before Mitch Grassi would be moving to LA, I got pissed off. How could he do this to me? Purposefully move to my city? Just to spite me? What did he have that he wanted to show off to me? I fucking hope it wasn't a relationship that he wanted to flaunt in my face. 

Irrational thinking drove me to the edge and I took my anger out on songwriting, something that Kevin taught me to do. Anytime he knew I was going through something one of the first things he would do was send me to the studio. 

On the 4th week, the week that Mitch Grassi would be moving to LA, I glaned at my phone screen. I had received a phone call, one that I had missed, during a business meeting with my team. It was from a name that I never anticipated seeing light-up my phone screen ever again. 

All at once, every moment and every memory flashed back into my brain upon sight of the untouched but not unfamiliar title: 



As soon as the meeting ended I stepped outside to catch some desparately needed air. 

Just breathe, Scott.

My palms were drenched with sweat as I unlocked my phone and scrolled through my contacts.

Just breathe, Scott.

Once I found and tapped on his name, I had to work twice as hard just to breathe.


I bite back at a grimace as the dial tone pierces through my ear-drums. What on earth was I about to get myself into? Why didn't I wait until I was in the privacy of my bedroom before calling him? Now my whole team is going to know something's wrong when I walk back into the studio. Goddammit Scott, you-

"You called me back!" 

My heart stopped beating at those four simple words.

Those four simple words that made my eyes water, mind soar and heart ache. 

I hadn't heard his voice in 3-years. His beautiful, angelic voice. The voice that would immediately melt all of my worries away and keep me grounded. 

It's been so long. And what for? Why hadn't we just remained friends? Would it really have been more painful than losing him alltogether? 

The breakup was mutual, it was, but he wanted us to stay friends and I'm the one who completely pushed him away, breaking all contact between us. 

Why was he calling, anyway? Should he resent me for what I put him through? 

Maybe he was calling to let me know what a piece of shit I am.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm such a-

"Sc-Scott? You there? Is this, still your number?" 

I let out a large breath. 

"H-hello, Mitchy." I almost whisper.

Mitch scoffs very audibly. "Don't you dare call me that. You don't get to call me that anymore, you son of a-"

I jump awake.

It was just a dream, I tell myself repeatedly as I catch my breath.

Thinking about Mitch and not having any answers was just going to drive me insane, so at 4 o'clock in the morning, after waking from a stressful nightmare, I found myself laying in bed scrolling through Esthers friends-list on instagram. 

My eyes finally land where I had been searching.


I hesitate before finally tapping on his profile. 

This would be good for me, I tell myself irrationally. 

This would be good for me.

Or, so I thought.

I instantly see he has almost 1 million follows, a verified check and a youtube channel link on his profile.

The irrational part of me quickly clicks the link. 

I would be able to hear his voice again, after 3-years...

Holy crap, he has 4.6million YouTube subscribers! 

I grin and chuckle in amazement, clapping my hands together happily. I knew he would fucking go somewhere some day! Of course he would! He always was so damn talented. 

He deserves every single fan that he has, but it upsets me that he has a much lesser following than I do. He deserves way more than me, he was always more talented than I am. 

Right as I was about to tap on his most recent video, titled "Life Update pt. 4!" I stopped myself.

Finally the sensible part of my brain took over. 

I shouldn't be stalking Mitch, I needed to stop. 

And so I would. I would exit my browser and everything would be fine. My mind would be at ease knowing that he's okay and probably just moving to LA to focus on being a big youtuber, which he deserves. Everything would be okay.

Until a certain title catches my eye.

Just as the title catches my eye, my breath catches in my throat. 

"Chapstick Challenge! (ft. My boyfriend)"

I immediately exit my browser and shut off my phone.

I shut my eyes but the thumbnail still lingers.

Mitch kissing... somebody else. Somebody who isn't me. 

And he looked happy.

I cry into my pillow because for the first time in 3 years, I'm certain that Mitch is no longer mine.

I cry because he's happy.

I cry because he's moved on.

I cry because I feel my heart-break from 3 years ago so fresh and new, as though we had just ended our relationship at that very moment. 

How did Mitch move on? How could he be so okay when I'm still so broken?

I cry and cry until I drift off into another Mitch-infested dreamland. 


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