I've always wanted a sister after my mom became like she was after dad died. I wanted a sister so I could talk to someone. About anything. I had Clarke, but I couldn't tell her everything. I wanted a sister so badly, but I knew I couldn't have one. I see Lexa as a sister. Of course I can't tell her everything. But the way we talk to eachother, it just reminds me of what I wanted. That's one reason why I see Trikru also as my home. The kids. I just can't stand the feeling to leave them. What would happen if I leave? What would become of them? And all the friends I have made?

Like I said. I need my mom. I need someone to cry on right now. Someone who tells me everything is gonna be okay. I run my fingers over my cheek and the black stripes appears on my face. It doesn't matter which side I choose. I'll always stay loyal to them. I won't make another mistake after what I did. I grab my sword and knife and walk out of the door.


I walk into the cave and I immediately feel a knife on my throat. As respond I grab the hand and twist it. I hear the person letting out a yelp. I grab the knife out of the hand and then I let the person go. I look up and look in the face from Octavia. She looks shocked at me.
'Octavia?' I ask also shocked.
'Why did you do that?' she asks.
'I thought you were going to kill me,' I explain.
'Well I just didn't want to get killed by some other Grounder. I didn't know it was you. Sorry,' she says before she pulls me in a hug.
Did she already forgive me? I didn't even said sorry or explain why I'm a Grounder.
'I heard everything from Lincoln,' she says like she knows what I'm thinking.

'You can let her go now O. I don't want my girl dead on the floor,' someone says.
I know it's Bellamy. Two reasons. Because of his voice and because he called me his girl.
Octavia let's me go with a smile and I feel someone wrapping his arms around me. Bellamy. He's holding me really tight.
'I can't- I can't breath,' I let out.
Bellamy let's me go quick and looks concerned at me.
'Well it's not my fault if she's dead on the floor,' Octavia says laughing.


'Does the others back in camp know I'm a Grounder?' I ask curious.
'No,' Bellamy says.
'Why not?'
'We didn't want them to think that you're bad. Because you're not. Jasper was devestated and so was Monty,' he says.
I look at the ground.
'I should have died. I left my friends to die and I joined the ones we were so afraid of,' I whisper.
I look at Bellamy.
'Please tell Jasper and Monty the truth.'
He nods after a few seconds and grabs my hand.
'We need to go,' Octavia says.
I thought she meant Bellamy, but she grabs Lincoln's hand.
'It was nice to see you again Emily,' she says before she and Lincoln walks away.

I look at Bellamy. The tears are coming back again. Why can't I just stay here forever? I look to the ground and start to speak.
'Can I ask you something? I almost whisper.
Bellamy put his thumb under my chin and lifts it up so he can looks me in the eyes.
'Always' he says.
'If I wanted to come back to you guys, would you agree with that?'
He smiles and nod.
'I would be happy if you would come back.'
'And if I stick with the Grounders?'
His smiles fades away a little but it's still there.
'It's you're choice. If you're happy with them then you should be there. Of course I would rather have you by my side, but I understand that you need to take care of you're people.'
I made a choice but now I'm not sure if it's the right one. I wanted to come back to camp but Bellamy's right. I need to take care of my people. But I don't want it. I don't want any of this anymore. Why? Why do I have to make this damn choice?! Why couldn't it be someone else?!

I feel the tears streaming down my face and I let myself drop on the ground. Bellamy drops to and holds me tight while I'm crying.
'I'm so sick of crying, Bell. I don't want this anymore. I don't know what to do. I want to come back to you guys but I also want to stay with the Grounders. They're nice once you know them. I made friends there. I'm supposed to be their leader when Anya isn't any more and I can't just let them down. But I want to be able to be with you without sneaking out all the time. I want to talk to Clarke and Jasper and Monty and others. I don't know what to do,' I cry.
'Hey, shhh it's okay. Calm down. We'll figure something out. You're not alone Emily. You have me and Octavia and some of the Grounders. Just follow you're heart and choose what you think is right. If you're happy with you're choice then I am too,' he calms me down.
Follow my heart. That shouldn't be that hard. What if I come back and everythings alright? I mean, there will be no war and everything is going to be okay. Oh who am I kidding. If I betray the Grounders then they will be even more angry then they already are.

I made my choice.
'I'm gonna stick with the Grounders,' I whisper.
I can sense Bellamy isn't really happy but he tries to hide it.
'Why?' he says broken.
'If I come back to you guys, they will only be angrier then they already are. And maybe there will be peace between us one day. I will always be there for you when you need me and I will try my best to convince Lexa. But I can't let them down, Bell. I just can't. I'm really sorry,' I say with tears in my eyes.
He looks broken at me but nods.
'It's you're choice. But if you ever want to come back, then you can. I have to go.'
He stands up and walks away as fast as he can. Before I can say anything he's gone.
'Bellamy!' I shout after him.
He hates me. For sure. Why wouldn't he? I told him that I'm gonna stick with the Grounders while he was expecting me to come back. I'm a terrible girlfriend. I didn't even run after him.

I hear something behind me and I jump up turning around.
'Lexa? I ask scared.
What is she doing here?! What did she hear?!
'Hey it's okay. I'm not angry that you lied to me and sneaked out. It's brave of you to tell you're boyfriend that you choose us above him. I'm proud of you,' she says.
'Why would you be proud. I thought about it. I thought about going back-'
'But you didn't. You told him that you want to take care of the people of Trikru. Not many people I know would have done that in this situation.'
I look sad at her.
'I just couldn't bare to let all of you down. I lost many people in my life. I can't lose more. Anya chose me to be her second next to you for a reason. I'm strong. I can fight. And the most important thing. I can make the right choices,' I say.
I didn't thought I would say this but it's true. I made the right choice.
'It was rude of you're boyfriend to walk away. He said that whatever you chose, he would be happy for you. He didn't show he was happy. And that breaks you're heart. I can see it. And that's why we don't love. Love is weakness,' Lexa says calm.
'But you can't choose if you love someone or not, Lexa. If you meet someone, you love them or not. You can't turn that off,' I explain.
'I know. You can love, but just don't show it. Now let's go back home.'