1.7K 37 1

Almost everyone is around the fire. I have to admit. It's fun with everyone. I don't think they ever did this. I laugh about something someone said. I look at Lexa next to me and see that she doesn't even smile.
'Oh come on Lexa. Be at least a little happy. Why aren't you even smiling?' I ask her still laughing about the joke.
Lexa looks at me and smiles. It's fake. Every idiot can see that. I don't know why she's not happy, but I'm gonna change that. I start to tickle her side and she immediately laughs.
'See. That wasn't so bad. Just smile Lexa,' I say while I stop tickling her.
She smiles at me and this time it's real.
'Finally!' I say laughing.

She laughs with me and together we listen to all the stories that people are telling. Some of the stories are history. It's about what they've been trough. Some are just funny. And some are supposed to be scary but I don't think it scares any of us. Nothing can scare us. That's what makes us warriors. Of course we all have something to fear for. That makes us human. But the only thing that scares us is death. We fear death. Of course we don't want to die and we don't want others to die either. We're family. I see that now. We're all family of each other. Not really of course. But we kind of act like that. And that's what I love about these people.

'Sen in (listen).'
It's out of my mouth before I know it. I look at everyone around me and I stand up. Here I go.
'Tonight is in honor of Anya and all the others we've lost. We are one big family and if we're fighting, then we're fighting together. This is a strong family. We're warriors. We are all warriors. It doesn't matter how old you are. Sen ai op. Yu laik gona (Listen to me. You are a warrior). Don't think you're weak. Everyone is strong. Everyone will have you're back. Mema oso du bilaik hed op thauz gona kamp raun trigeda (Remember, we're the ones with a thousand warriors in the trees). We will always be the strongest. We will prove the people who think otherwise that they are wrong. We are Trikru and we are warriors. We will prove to everyone that we will win whatever war we're in. We will always win because we're the strongest,' I end my speech.

Everyone cheers and smiles. Some are shouting that they're from Trikru. Some are shouting that they're warriors. And the most important. Some are shouting that they are strong. I smile and sit down again. I look at Lexa and see that she has a huge smile on her face.

'This is the Lexa I want to see. A strong Lexa but also a happy Lexa,' I say smiling to her.
'You gave an amazing speech. Everyone is smiling. You're an amazing leader and you give them power. If it weren't for you then we would all stil be grieving.'
'So do you Lexa. We're both amazing leaders. And I'm not the only one who gives them power.'

'You know? I'm happy Anya chose you to be her second next to me. I have to admit, I was angry at first. I thought that I was going to be leader alone and when she told me about you I was just jealous I think. But I know now that you're not like I expected you to be. Like Indra said when we first met. I thought you were weak. Not a warrior. But I was wrong. You are a warrior, and I know for sure you're not weak. Sometimes it's hard to be strong, believe me I know, but we have to be strong. We can't show anyone weakness and you just told everyone that. You told everyone that we're born as warriors. Everyone believes you. That makes you so special. They listen to you. I'm happy to have you by my side, sis,' Lexa says with a smile.


It's been three days. Three days since everyone gathered around and was happy. They're still happy though. But it's been three days since I saw Bellamy. Since I saw my mom. I'm worried. I want to see them but I can't go. I promised Lexa to be here at least for a week. And I know that I have to. I can't go away every day. But now Lexa's gone. I don't know where she went but she took Indra with her and a couple more Grounders. She said to me she was going for a trip and I don't know when she comes back.

Lincoln is also not here. I don't know what happened to him. The last time I saw him was with the war. I miss him though. We've become really great friends. I miss everyone. Jasper, Monty, Octavia goddammit even Murphy. He's an ass sometimes but I think he can be really fun sometimes. If he likes you.

'How are you? Lexa told me that you had nightmares lately.'
I look and meet the eyes from Nyko.

'Everything is fine Nyko. Thanks for you're concern though,' I say smiling.
'What are the nightmares about?' Nyko asks me while he walks over to my and sits next to me.

I never saw Nyko as a talker. I think I was wrong. He really cares about the people here. But do I really want to tell him about my nightmares? No one knows about it. Only Bellamy, but he doesn't know all the nightmares. After the nightmare from Joshua, there were more. More about Joshua, about my dad.

'It's about Joshua and my dad. Also about everyone I've killed. I haven't killed that many people but it's still hard to not think about it. They talk to my in my dreams and tell me it's all my fault,' I explain.

I'm not going to tell more. I don't want him to think I'm going nuts. Every time I have such a nightmare it ends with death. My death. Then I wake up or it happens again. Over and over again. Exactly the same as the first time.

'You need to rest more and don't worry about anything. Joshua isn't dead because of you, and I know he doesn't blame you for his death. He was always talking about you since the day you talked to him. I think he had a thing for you, but I promised him not to tell you.'
I look up to Nyko confused.

'Is that true?' I ask him disbelieved. He nods and looks sad at me.

'It's not you're fault. Don't forget that. And yes, it's true,' Nyko says before he walks to the door.

'Nyko,' I say to stop him. He turns around and looks at me.
'Thank you. For everything you've done. You've helped me through a lot.'
He smiles and nods. Then he walks out of the door. This is what I needed. A talk with someone who really understands me and tells me it's not my fault.