Hollow (Harry Styles) #Wattys2016

Chapter 87

"Fuck," I muttered, going in for another try, hoping his dad's birthday would do the trick.

"What are you doing?" Harry's voice scared me, making me jump and possibly scream.

He shook his head a bit and smiled a bit to the side, only one of his dimples showing. In five long strides, he was right in front of me, placing a kiss on my lips, sending the usual wave of electricity that ran through me whenever we touched, or were near each other for that matter. Along with that thrill, came a wave of guilt.

"I, um," I mumbled quietly, dumbfounded by the small, yet powerful interaction. "I need to get into the safe, but I don't remember the code."

"Oh," was all he said, with a guilty expression, his hand moving up to the dial.

I watched as his hand turned it to it's intended destination. The first number he landed on was, eight. He turned the dial again, to twenty, then again, for the last time to sixteen. 8-20-16 was the combination. Sloane's due date.

I swallowed the ball that had formed in my throat as I came to the realization. "Thanks," I mumbled, blinking a few time so the tears that threatened to spill would go away.

"What are you doing?" He asked casually as I pulled out all the papers, dumping them on the desk.

"I um," my voice shook as I looked through the papers, separating anything that was mine into its own pile.

Before I could respond, two, large, familiar hands, firmly grabbed my elbows, pulling my body until I was facing him. "You are not doing this," he spoke firmly. "I know exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it, and I'm not going to allow it. Do you hear me?"

His eyes flickered back and forth between mine, searching for anything that would indicate that I understood him. But, I didn't. He didn't want me, he couldn't. "You don't know, anything, Harry." I kept my voice low and as even as I possibly could as I pulled out of his grip, stepping back slightly, my eyes looking back at the pile of papers that sat on the desk.

He turned my body back around, cupping my chin in his hand while his other gripped my hip to prevent me from moving, again. "I know that you love me, and that I love you," his eyes searched mine once more. "Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever change that, sweetheart," he moved both hands so they were now cupping my entire face.

"I was going to have an abortion," I practically yelled in his face, anger, hatred, sadness, regret, all balled up in those seven words.

He immediately let me go, taking two steps away from me. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"When I first found out, I was going to have an abortion, I set up the appointment. I even had the damn, fucking pill in my hands," I admitted.

His face fall, his legs visibly giving up on him as he stumbled back, gripping onto the desk for support.

"That changes things, doesn't it?" I asked, harshly, returning my attention to the papers on the desk, ignoring the aching need to comfort him that was consuming my body.

"Why didn't you- why didn't you go through with it?" He asked, his voice even and calm.

I dropped the papers in my hands, watching them land on the desk with a loud thud as I gripped onto the edge of the desk. I took a deep breath before I faced him, again. "Because, I fell in love," I admitted, yet again. I couldn't lie to him. "I didn't want to admit it to myself, but the exact moment when I found out, I immediately fell in love with her." I hated myself for letting tears fall from my eyes. "I had little conversations with her," I chuckled, wiping my eyes. "She was my little accomplice, I consciously took care of myself for her. I stopped drinking coffee, I didn't drink, I tried to eat properly. I told myself I didn't want her, but my heart and my body knew otherwise. I wanted her, more than anything I had ever wanted in my life, even more than you," I let out with a gasp. "Even if you didn't want her, I was going to have her, on my own."

"Than why did you have the pill, why were you going-"

"Because, I was fucking scared, Harry," I yelled, interrupting him. "I didn't grow up like you. I didn't have a mom who loved me unconditionally. I had a mom who hated my fucking guts and was not shy about letting me know it. I was afraid of being like her. I was afraid of hating my child the way she hates me. I was afraid of her growing up to be like me." By now I was a mess of tears.

Tears were now in his eyes, but he didn't hesitate to close the gap between us, swinging his arms around me and burying me in his chest. I smacked my hands against his chest, trying to get him to let me go, but it was relentless. He had an iron clad grip on me and I didn't have the energy to fight him. And deep down, I needed this. I need him and I needed the comfort that only he could provide.

I selfishly gave up, wrapping my own arms around him, clinging to his shirt for dear life. Like he was my lifeline. And if I was being honest, at this moment, he was.

"This doesn't change things," he whispered into my ear after a few moments of silence. "Yes, I'm angry, pissed, livid, even. But, that doesn't change anything. It's just, another speed bump in this crazy ass relationship of ours."

"I don't want to do this, anymore, Harry. I can't. I can't give you what you deserve. I can't give you the family you crave."

"Shut the fuck up," he surprised me by his choice of words and harsh tone. "I fucking love you, more than anything and I will be in love with you, far longer than forever. Nothing, not even this will change the way I love you. And I will not let your stubbornness ruin us." He held onto me tight, as if to prove his point. "I made you a promise, Katarina," he let me go, just a bit, creating some space between us, holding the cross pendent that always hung from my neck between his finger. "I promised to love you and keep fighting for us, even when I hated you." He looked at me with his piercing green eyes.

"You hate me?" I asked, a little hurt by his words.

"I hate that you didn't talk to me and let me help you sort out your feelings. I hate you for thinking that I will ever let you go, that I will ever stop loving you. But, I only hate you, because I love you so much."

In some odd way, he reasoning made sense. I would hate me too if I were him. I was frustrating, infuriating, exasperating, annoying and I didn't listen.

"It's going to be rough for a bit, for both of us, but it'll get better. This love that we have, it's too strong for it to all go to shits." He hesitantly, and very carefully let his arms fall from my body. "I just need some time, okay? We both do."

I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself, already missing his touch.

"I, um, I'm going to go run some errands," he lied.

"Oh, okay," my voice was low and cracky. I knew he was lying and something between us changed in a matter of seconds, but I decided not to call him out on it. It was the least I could do, I suppose.

"I'll take, Landon, so don't worry," he smiled gently, kissing my forehead, lingering a bit.

I nodded, offering a small, pathetic, okay before I watched him walk out of our office. I had a bad feeling about this, but I let it go. Whatever was going to happen, was going to happen. I just had to sit and wait to see what that would be. In the meantime, at least I knew I wasn't going anywhere.