The Shy Girl Has a Gun

The Shy Girl Has a Gun...Chapter 37

“Yes you do, you deserve so much more than me.” He spoke calmly, his voice making me feel so much worse because he was lying. He must have been lying. He kissed my shoulder again and I had to pull myself away from him, wiping the tears from my face as I got to my feet.

I turned and looked down at him, his face was so innocent.

Jace Dixon is anything but innocent even I’ll admit, but compared to this world I lived in and the things I did he was so naive. Even after everything he did to me years ago and the way he treated me, he was still too good for a murdering heartless bitch like me.

“Stop trying to make me feel better.” I spoke through gritted teeth “I’m a murderer Jace, lowest of the low. This is my world, I said it in the confession box and I stupidly went with you after anyway because I really thought this wouldn’t get inbetween us. But it does, as long as I live in this world I don’t deserve you.”

He was still on his knees, and his face fell as he took in my words. He shook his head in denial.

“This isn’t your fault Faith, and I don’t care what you’ve done in the past.” His eyes showed nothing but sincerity as they met with mine “I just want you, I don’t care about anything else apart from you.”

I swallowed the lump at the back of my throat.

“I can’t.” I choked through a sob “I can’t do this to you.”

I turned my back and walked away, leaving him on his knees. I loved him more than anything, but I didn’t deserve him.

***

My room was dark as I stared up at the ceiling waiting for sleep to take over, but I knew I would never sleep. Especially not tonight.

Chris and Connor had come back a few hours ago, their request had been put in for the funeral and they had to wait a few days before the arrangements were sorted. The atmosphere in the house was depressing. This time yesterday the house was full of the boys laughing, the banter was exchanged between them and it was somewhere I wanted to be. But today, you could tell someone was missing. You could tell that Drake was never going to come back, and it showed less than a few hours after his death.

I felt horrible for everything I did. The way I had spoke to Jace when I knew he was only trying to be there for me. Even now I knew he was mere feet away from me I had such an urge to go to his room, because that was the only place I felt safe.

After another hour of staring at the ceiling knowing that sleep was not going to come to me, I gave in. In the last 3 years the only time I had got a decent night’s sleep was when I was with him.

I knew it was selfish of me. Jace deserved to go back to his old life and act like any other boy his age. He shouldn’t have to be dealing with all this death and destruction, and I knew that the closer I got to him the more I was dragging him away from his normal life.

But I couldn’t stop myself. I needed him. I had just lost my best friend and I needed someone to be there for me, and only Jace could because he knew me. He knew me before all of this.

I got out of bed and walked out into the hallway, slowly opening his door and letting myself in, shutting the door behind me.

It was well gone midnight and I could hear his slow breathing which told me he was asleep. The double bed was in the corner of the room, and normally Jace would sprawl out in the middle of it.

Not tonight. Right now he was against the wall and had left enough room on the other side of the bed for someone to climb in next to him if they needed to. I felt a small smile on my lips as I realised he had expected me to come to him tonight. He had even left the duvet turned down for me to get in.

I walked over to the bed and lifted the cover, climbing into bed next to him. I lowered my head onto his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his bare chest as I tucked myself against the curve of his body like I was made to fit in there.

The movement of my body must have woke him, because his eyes fluttered opened and he looked down at me a little startled before a soft smile appeared on his face which showed me he knew I would come to him. I always seemed to come back to him.

He pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arm around me and tangling his other hand with mine before placing a small kiss at the top of my hair.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered so low, but I knew he heard me.

“Don’t be, you’ve just lost a friend you have every right to behave however you want.” He replied, his tone so soothing and understanding. I closed my eyes as he carried on talking “It doesn’t matter what world we live in or how different they are, you’re the only girl I’ve ever wanted. We can make it work sweetheart.”

I didn’t reply and just kept my eyes closed, taking his words in and feeling the turning in my stomach as I realised just how bad I wanted that to be true. I wanted nothing more than for us to be like any other normal couple, but I knew it was just too hard. Too much was in our way and sooner or later he would have to go back to his world, and I would remain in mine.

But right now I didn’t care that we led such different lives or just how much was stood in our way because I had already lost someone I loved today, and I didn’t want to lose another one. Probably the one person who means more to me than anyone else.

“I really do love you.” I whispered back, knowing I couldn’t agree with him because I’d be lying. But right now I just wanted to be with him.

Just for tonight.

.