My eyes flutter open as I awake from probably the best sleep I have had in so many years. My body felt different than it did most mornings, normally I would wake up and feel stiff and still partially tired because the majority of the night I had spent tossing and turning or just staring up at the ceiling as I wait for the sleep to take over, which it rarely ever does.

I’m surprised I have any energy to kill anyone half the time I’m so damn sleep deprived.

But this time, I woke up with my body feeling...satisfied. It took me a few seconds to drift awake, a small smile on my lips as I realise I had a decent night’s sleep. It may not seem like much, but it’s a serious achievement believe me.

For a split second, I forgot where I was. But as my eyes became clearer and I stretched awake, I feel my hip bump into a hard form next to me. I turn my head and freeze as I remember that I was in Jace’s bed.

He was lying on his stomach fast asleep, one arm draped over my stomach. The white sheet was covering both of us now but it still didn’t cover his muscled back and just draped over his ass, exposing the curve of his back which I had a sudden urge to lick.

Oh dear god, I need to get out of this bed.

I knew we didn’t have sex last night, we didn’t even kiss. It was more about just coming here and having someone to talk to, someone who understood where I was coming from and wouldn’t judge me, apart from some slight teasing which was required anyway. I just wanted someone, and like always he was the person I turned to. I did it years ago and things clearly have not changed.

As I though this, my chest started beating frantically as the panic washed over me. I suddenly wished we had sex last night, because that would be easier to deal with than emotions. Just talking to him last night was not what I needed, because it meant I was getting closer to him. I was relying on him like before and I was starting to care for him even more.

And we all know where that got me last time.

Dumped and betrayed, then turned into the ‘bit on the side’.

Not the road I want to take this time I can say that for sure.

I had to detach myself from him; I had to get away before I got sucked in again. I couldn’t let my guard down especially not in the life I lead. I had to be disconnected from any type of feelings, I couldn’t sit here and rely on this boy that I longed for, but in the long run would probably just break my heart. Again.

I turned and looked at the clock.

4:27am

I needed to do something that took my mind off Jace. Something that I did before Jace came crashing back in my life, something that meant nothing.

I couldn’t have things that meant something. That is just too much hassle.

And I knew exactly what I had to do to take my mind off this. Or better yet, who I had to do.

And lucky for me, he was asleep a few rooms down the hallway.

How handy it is to have your own personal no strings attached fuck buddy/friend a few feet away from you at a time like this.

I could see it was still dark out from the slight gap in the curtain, and I knew if I snuck into his room now he would be sleeping. But knowing him, as soon as he got a whiff of what I was coming into his room for, he would be bolted awake and naked before I had a chance to say ‘rise and shine its boning time’.

Jesus, I sound like a guy.

I turned my head to Jace, beating down the part of me that was longing, screaming to stay in bed and curl up next to him like I wanted to. I couldn’t stay here the night. Staying here would mean feelings.

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