The Shy Girl Has a Gun

The Shy Girl Has a Gun...Chapter 37

Chris dropped me and Jace off at the house and then he and Connor went to the firm morgue to drop Drake off. I felt like crying again as the car drove away because I knew that would be the last time I ever saw Drake, dead or alive. I held it in however.

What right did I have to cry? It was my fault. Drake was dead because of me.

I barely looked at Jace in the face as we made our way through the house and just went straight to the training room. I had to do something, and training was the only thing I could use to get my frustrations out. I stood in front of the punching bag and after taking a deep breath I let my fist collide with it.

Punch after punch I delivered to that bag, gritting my teeth as everything flashed through my mind causing the hits to get stronger and more forceful. At one point I punched the bag so hard my fist recoiled in pain, but I ignored it and carried on hitting it.

I only stopped when I felt someone suddenly grab my wrist and spin me around forcefully. I looked up at Jace’s face, my own emotionless.

“Faith you’re going to hurt yourself. You need to calm down.”

“Who cares if I hurt myself?” I replied “It’s not like I don’t deserve it.”

He furrowed his brows in confusion “What are you talking about?”

My eyes went to his, the iciness in them knocked him back a little “I did this Jace. Everything that happens to me I deserve.”

His grip was still around my wrist, and he lowered his head down to look at me more closely “What did you do?”

A lump rose at the back of my throat “I killed him.”

Jace’s eyed widened slightly before they flashed over in sympathy “Faith, Holly killed him. You didn’t do any of this.”

I shook my head violently “I did this. I couldn’t kill Holly, if I would have done it earlier Drake would still be here. He’s dead because of me.”

Jace shut his eyes and took a deep breath “If you really believe that then you are the biggest idiot I have ever met.”

My mouth fell open in shock at his bluntness. “Excuse me?”

He let go of my wrist and stepped back, his face deadly serious “If you really believe that this is your fault, then you are an idiot. You have nothing to blame yourself for; Drake was in a job where he put his life at risk daily. If it wasn’t Holly who took his life it would have been someone else. This had nothing to do with you Faith, so stop blaming yourself.”

“I DID THIS!” My voice was so loud it shocked me a little “I fucking did this! If I had just sucked it up and shot the bitch he would be here right now with us, not on a slab in some morgue!” I turned then and hit the punch bag again, screaming in frustration as I did “Stop trying to make me feel better. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve anything!”

As I uttered the last sentence I sent another punch to the bag, and with every punch I layed on it after that I felt the tears surfacing to the edge until finally I was crying. Jace’s arms wrapped around my chest and he pried me away from the punch bag until he had collapsed to his knees, taking me to the floor with him. His arms were still around me as I broke down completely. My sobs echoed around the room, it was uncontrollable. I couldn’t hold it in and Jace didn’t leave me. He just waited for me to calm down, placing small comforting kisses at the top of my head and stroking his hand along my arm.

“Stop, please stop.” I begged through my tears as I finally began to struggle away from him “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”