[40] missed you

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my mind can't even piece what happened last night.

i kissed pablo.

then continued to tell him to stay over only to wake up in the same bed where we slept on the opposite side because i was too afraid to move the entire night. the majority of it was just me wide awake on my back anyways.

we didn't say anything afterwards, but i know more than anything he was awake too.

he wasn't good at hiding it either when he shuffled around continuously. he was doing it now as the sun peaked and that's when i knew i couldn't do it and got up.

thankfully, i was on the edge where the door was so i just... left.

i immediately went into the bathroom in the main hallway to process it without his presence for two seconds but even then that was hard. i kept telling myself that it'll all be over when we get the time to explain, but when would that be?

the pressure is on to have a good first leg to move on swiftly to the next.

and i surely don't wanna put even more by giving him an answer that could effect his performance.

so i really don't know what to do.

i take one last breath before going out but not bothering to go back into the room. instead i go into the kitchen and start on breakfast knowing he also eventually has to get up.

i grab the carton of eggs, avocado's, bread to put in the toaster, and berries. it's usually what i eat on the morning of games too.

i try not to be loud anyways as i crack everything and chop the extra strawberries. it would've worked had the toaster not been so loud.

i put together the toast and avocado when i hear the faintest steps and my stomach starts to churn. in that moment, i realized my reality and again, started to think about last night.

the steps get closer to the point where they're right at the island across from me, practically saying i need to turn around. so i do with the glass of water i was just pouring out.

"buenos días. (good morning)" i say before all.

"buenos días. (good morning)" his was much more than mine was made to sound, and not even because i didn't want it to be, it just rolled out my tongue in that hushed tone.

i don't do much after that other than set the water down and motion for him to sit.

till i remember... "your toothbrush is still in my bathroom. you breakfast is just about done anyways." he can only look at me and nod slightly before disappearing again so i can close my eyes shut at how awkward that was.

so while he did that, i finished plating his food and left it there with orange juice while i started to wash the dishes.

in that time, he came out again and my heart only picked up it's pace. "are you not gonna eat?" he asks and i hadn't even heard the chair slide. "i didn't wake up hungry. not right now, anyways."

which was true whether he wanted to believe it or not. "segura? (you sure?)" he asks just as i turned to face him again where i saw that he fixed his hair from before and his face looked brighter just from splashing it with water to wake him knowing that's all he ever did anyways.

the memory of finding out he didn't have a routine still haunts me.

so i just nod again but it can't just end there, can it? "me acompañas? (will you join me?)" with a small deep breath, i turn back around and nod slightly, unsure of my own decisions.

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