[31] too late

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the sixteenth had no problem rolling around.

my flight wasn't until ten and the game against united that gavi invited me to weeks ago was happening now at six.

yet here i am, at home and already in my airport outfit.

when gavi kissed me on sunday, i almost didn't wanna believe it.

everything happened so fast and all i could tell him was that it was okay.

i'd never seen guilt so clear on a person's face, but that's all gavi does. he shows me that he's sorry, he shows me that he cares, and he shows me that he didn't mean it, but that the intention was there.

it just gave me another reason to miss out on the game.

so i had the tv turned on instead and decided i'd watch in the same spot i spent three weeks injured and watched as i lost the best deal of my life.

till sunday.

that same sunday where i didn't even get a call from my parents, instead a text were they were sorry and had me catch them up on everything they could've been apart of.

but it's not their fault. it's never their fault.

i hadn't realized i had zoned out till i heard the chant from the kitchen as i stirred my earl tea and took it to the couch.

i sighed at kick off but watched intensely.

meanwhile, my qualifying match was against france and i knew how much of an important game it'd be. so i tried to study the new tactics we got sent yesterday but decided it was best i wait for someone to explain before i make up a whole new concept myself.

i turn the volume up to my tv but i only started to get more bored.

i start to think what it would've been like if i had gone, but then i tell myself it's also best i not.

they're wasting time and honestly, i'm not seeing the best performance on our half. even i start to get frustrated when half time comes around. but even more after the camera man gets the perfect view of everyone coming off the pitch.

i see the way he looks up at the stands just above the tunnel, and immediately back down.

that wasn't even the worst part.

it's the fact that my phone started to ring and i panicked.

i must be on edge because no way mikky's call had my heart to the floor. that's where i pick my phone up from and slide to answer the call when i'm immediately filled with the sounds of the camp nou. "camile! where are you? stuck in traffic or something?!"

"um, no." more like stuck on my couch just waiting to leave. "then where—"

"i couldn't make it. i packed last minute and knew i wouldn't finish after the game." i hate that i lied so easily. "oh what! gavi looked up and looked at ana and i confused not to see you, we just had to know!"

surprisingly, i heard her well enough with the noise but chose to ignore the real reason for the call. "can you tell him i'm sorry for me?"

"of course. i miss you already! we organized something so we can all watch your game next week, we want you to do great!"

i freeze at what she said.

"that's... that's great! you guys are great." i try to hide the surprise in my voice, but i simply can't.

the uber dropped me off an hour and a half before my flight and i made it past security with little to no problems.

the gate was almost empty and i took up a seat for my carry on as i read my book.

i was trying to get past atonement after watching the movie but it was simply impossible. the words started to bore and tire me so i ended up watching highlights from the game.

i started to watch as raphinha equalized before they got sloppy and i was bored again. but it's almost like my prayers were answered and we'd slowly start to board.

in a matter of hours, i'd be in chicago and training my heart out to forget about it all.


could this elevator be any fucking slower?

after the game, mikky told me that camile told her that she had to do last minute packing. but that was the biggest bullshit lie i've ever heard.

camile hates to pack last minute.

she's the first person to pack her life in a suitcase if she could.

so i tried to leave the stadium as fast as i could to go to her house, but traffic was never ending and the driver was getting just as frustrated as i was. so although the ride could've been twenty, it was almost an hour.

when i got out, i told him to keep whatever change was left because all i cared about was getting to the top floor and seeing her.

and i'd be doing that now if the doors would just open.

when they do, i don't wait a second to go down the hall where i see the door of the person i've never been so sure i needed to see than in this moment. i think tying made me wanna see her so much more.

i knock on the door loudly but get nothing the first time. i knock again and even put my ear against the door.

not a sound.

"camile, please tell me you're home." i look down at my phone to see the time to see that it's 9:30pm.

"camile!" she's long gone, but i don't wanna accept it.

so i bang on the door till my fists tire out and so do i when i lay my forehead, wishing i'd just gotten here sooner.

most of the banging at that point had just been because i started to get mad at myself too.

if i just hadn't acted, hadn't shown her how i really felt knowing she's never shown anything but a friendship back, then she would've attended the game and i could've had a better goodbye before i don't see her for what i think is three weeks.

"i'm so fucking sorry, camile."

ermm feliz navidad amores 😋

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